


Baby don't like it

by totheworld_thisisnct



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biting, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jung Wooyoung, Bruises, Character Development, Confessions, Crying, Dancer!Wooyoung, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements, Swearing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Top Choi San, Violence, Yungi if you squint, prostitute!san
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 84,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23999134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totheworld_thisisnct/pseuds/totheworld_thisisnct
Summary: Jung Wooyoung had pretty much given up the whole, "have sex with the love of your life" thing, and had resorted to desperate measures. He didn't think he'd ever be the one going through such a website, but here he was.This was quite possibly the worst decision of his life.He pressed "okay".
Relationships: Background Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 253
Kudos: 839





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy, this is my first attempt at an AU fic. Yup, Prostitute!San.... Hopefully this is good. Wooyoung is a shy babie and San is San, xD.  
> Title from NCT 127- Baby don't like it. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Okay, so I've heard a lot about these types of fics, that they are basically sexualising our idols, and that such fics shouldn't be written about our boys. As a writer- at least, according to me- that isn't the point here at all. The stories I write are totally fiction. All I do is take character inspiration from these idols, and use them in my story. I could just as well have used you or me,because it isn't really our identity that goes into the story, but the identity of these characters, and the chemistry they share. It is, in no way, meant to offend or sexualise our boys, trust me. Everything here is, and will always be, fiction. So I would appreciate if more people understood this, and didn't slam fic writers for writing adult content about k-idols, or any celebrity for that matter.
> 
> On that note, I hope you guys take this fic sportively, and support all the writers out there, because y'all are special, and don't let hate like that get to you.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Let me know in the comments!! ☺️  
> Love,  
> R ❤️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> So before I start, I want to let you know that this story has the following elements:  
> Mentions and descriptions of rape  
> Swearing and abuse  
> Descriptions of violence
> 
> Tags will added on as the story progresses.
> 
> If any of the mentioned warnings is a trigger, please refrain from reading this fic. Thank you and stay safe❤️ 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung shifted back and forth on the balls of his feet, as he went through the website on his phone. 

_Was this worth it?_

You see, he was twenty five, almost twenty six, and embarrassingly enough, he was still a virgin. He had seen his friends, Yunho and Yeosang, boast and rave about their sexual encounters, and all he could do was laugh along awkwardly as if he could relate. He couldn't. 

It was just getting to be too much, and he decided that enough was enough. 

He'd gotten to this website, that enabled people to hire sex workers, and it seemed to be at a decent rate and legit enough, compared to the others, at least. Yeah, that's right. He'd pretty much given up the whole, "have sex with the love of your life" thing, and had resorted to desperate measures. He didn't think he'd ever be the one going through such a website, but here he was. 

He had already filled out whatever he needed to, his name, age, gender, sexuality, preferred date, email and phone number. All that was left was to press _okay_ and be done with it, but somehow his hand seemed to be hesitating. He knew that this was definitely what he wanted, to just get it done with, but the source of his reluctance was not apprehension regarding paying someone to have sex with him, but it was more along the lines of his own lack of experience. He tried to convince himself that it was fine, but...

_Oh, well, the people doing this are in for the money anyways._

He still hesitated, his hand inching towards the close button. 

_Jung Wooyoung, you coward._

His hand jerked back towards the _okay_ at the bottom of the screen. A deep breath. Two. Three. 

He pressed it. 

Now all that was left was to wait for a call.

  


  


The expected call came in a day, when he was half asleep and browsing through jackets online, "Hello?" His voice hopefully didn't betray his nervousness, as he tried to act confident, "Jung Wooyoung speaking." 

"Ah, yes, Wooyoung-ssi, you filled in the form on our website." Wooyoung's head spun and for a moment, he considered hanging up, deleting his submission, and throwing his phone in the Han river. He paused, taking a loud breath which the man at the other line could probably hear, "Yes." 

"You are looking for a male, correct?" He nodded, and mentally reprimanded himself for his mindlessness, "Yes," he fiddled with the threads at the edge of his old hoodie. "Okay, one of our workers will be at the address given by you on…" the voice trailed off, and Wooyoung heard a few tapping sounds, as if the other man was typing something, "Thursday at nine pm, is that alright with you?" Another pause.

It still wasn't too late to deny everything and get rid of all incriminating evidence, "Yes, it is." Well, he had dug up his own grave, might as well lie in it. 

All he was given was a name, "Thank you for calling us, Wooyoung-ssi. You can expect Choi San on Thursday." He didn't reply, hanging up the phone with a shaky hand. 

_Choi San, huh?_

_  
_

  
  


It was Thursday, and Wooyoung had skipped work. He had called in sick, just to mentally prepare himself for the night. It was not like he was going to do some romantic shit like candles and stuff,but the least he could do was de-clutter the place, right? And maybe just clean himself up a little, too. 

He was probably stressing out way too much over this, but what did he know? He'd never done this before, or actually done _anything_ before. He knew he would have to admit to this ' _Choi San'_ that he was a virgin, lest the night may as well end up a disaster (Wooyoung wasn't really sure what _would_ ensue once his secret was out in the open) and he was really dreading voicing this side of himself. All he could do was hope that the other man wouldn't walk out on him, considering the fact that he hadn't even paid yet. 

Wooyoung decided to busy himself by choosing an outfit that would be considered sexy, and at the same time, didn't make him look overly slutty. He even tried dolling himself up a little, brushing pale, glittery eyeshadow over his lids and accenting it with a little eyeliner. He chose a white, stylish shirt that Yeosang had bought for him and a simple pair of jeans.

Hopefully he didn't come across as weird for trying to make this a real _thing._ Choi San was obviously experienced, and was probably in it just for the money. He would probably be used to old, balding men who just used him for pleasure and discarded him later. He was probably used to the idea of a quick fuck, and wouldn't give a second glace to his apartment or even him. He probably wouldn't even care enough to remember Wooyoung after this. 

Well, that's basically what he was going for, right? Just get it over with so he wouldn't have to tell anyone he was a virgin and could happily just get into a relationship and be just a tad, if not quite confident about his abilities in the bedroom. 

Wooyoung checked his phone for the time, and noticed that he had about twenty minutes before San was supposed to arrive. He fidgeted nervously, bustling about in his kitchen. This was one of the few times that he was thankful that he lived alone, as he didn't have to worry about parents or roommates barging in while he was having _sex_ with a stranger. 

That was when it really hit him. 

_Oh my god, he was going to have sex with a stranger._

Like, he was going to have someone else's dick in him, or put his dick in someone (although he was pretty sure it would be the first one). And he didn't have a _clue_ who this someone was. He could only hope that San was at least good-looking, to have a memorable experience, but considering his job, he was probably super handsome and way out of Wooyoung's league. 

Oh my god, what if he was- 

_Shut up, brain._

He grabbed his phone, trying to distract himself with memes, and thankfully, it worked, as he managed to spend ten minutes without thinking too much about what was going to happen. Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang and Wooyoung jumped three feet into the air, his phone falling from his hand onto the floor. 

_What the hell, I'm not ready yet._

He picked up his phone and got up, keeping it gently on the dining table before walking towards the door, opening it with a shaky hand to see...his neighbour, Namjoo, standing with one hand on her hip, cocked to the side like he remembered his mother doing at him when she was about to scold him, "Wooyoung, would you _please_ , give me your wifi password?" Her eyes were pleading as she looked up at him, "My wifi is being a bitch and I have this really important phone call for work, it's-" 

"Ye-Yeah, sure," he cut her off, rattling off his password as she wrote it down in her notes app. She looked at him again with a grateful smile, "Thanks, I'll pay you back. I might need it for a few days." 

"Oh, oka-okay," he stuttered, gaze following her back as she left to go back to her building next to his. He shook his head, flustered that he had almost lost his composure at the thought of seeing the mysterious stranger whom he was pretty much paying to take his virginity. 

Wooyoung was about to shut the door and go back inside when he noticed a figure on his street, silhouette illuminated by the moonlight as he looked around here and there, almost seeming lost, "Hey, can I help you?" Wooyoung called, and the man turned to face him. 

Wooyoung's jaw dropped when he saw the man's strong features, high cheekbones and legs that went on for miles, sharp cat-like eyes shining even in the dark of the night. The man offered him a small smile and tilted his head almost cutely, and Wooyoung felt like all the breath had been sucked out of him, "I don't know if you can help me, do you know a Jung Woo-" he glanced down at his phone, "Wooyoung?" 

Wooyoung might have collapsed if he hadn't been gripping the doorway tightly, "Oh!" His exclamation didn't go unnoticed by the other, whom he was now assuming was the mysterious Choi San, "Um...yeah?" He stuttered stupidly, "Wooyoung is- um...me, yeah. I'm Wooyoung." 

The other man walked a few steps toward him and Wooyoung gripped the doorway tighter, knuckles white from the needless effort, "Oh, Wooyoung-ssi? I'm San." Wooyoung could see his face clearly now, his pretty pink lips which were clearly shiny from lip gloss, his black hair with red highlights, the many piercings in his ears, and his features that seemed almost...surprised? He decided he would ask, "Why- um...why do you seem surprised?" 

San was now standing in front of him, and Wooyoung noticed that he was just a little taller than himself, tall enough for him to have to tilt his chin just the slightest bit to look directly at him, "Wooyoung-ssi, can we take this inside?" He had seemed to have avoided his earlier question, but it didn't bother him too much, as he complied wordlessly. 

Wooyoung gestured for him to follow and shut the door behind them softly. San turned, barely sparing a glance at his apartment, as he'd expected, and got straight to the point, already having removed his shoes at the doorstep "So how would you like to do this?" Wooyoung was confused for a second, "Uh...what?" 

"Like, do you wanna top or bottom, what do you want me to do for you?" Wooyoung was almost shocked at his bluntness, but he assumed that was probably how comfortable he was with the topic, which in itself was an indicator that he was experienced, "I- I'm…" he trailed off, not knowing how to explain his…situation. 

"Yes?" San seemed to be calculating his behaviour, deciding how he would go about with this. Well, there wasn't much Wooyoung could say about this though, "Can I- can I tell you something?" San was probably assuming that Wooyoung had some kinky shit going on and he wanted to explore it with him, but that couldn't be farther from the truth, "I've never...done this before." 

"Like, hired someone to have sex with you? Don't worry, just think of it as one of your usual one night stands or something and you'll be fine." San had totally gotten the wrong idea, and Wooyoung really had to tell him, "No, I'm…" he looked down at his feet and then back again at San, "I'm a virgin." 

A moment of silence passed between them, and Wooyoung bit his lip nervously, looking expectantly at San for some sort of a reaction. 

San seemed taken aback, his eyes widening as he took a step back, literally, "You- you're a _virgin?!"_ Wooyoung nodded, looking everywhere but San's eyes, knowing that he'd only see shock there, "I am." 

"Then why- why would you…you want _me_ to be your first?" San bit his lip, "Look, Wooyoung-ssi, I know you hired me, my boss sent me here, but I don't think- I don't think I can do _that_. I can't take your virginity." Wooyoung felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment, "San, I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm doing this for me, okay? I've thought it through."

_He hadn't. It had been a two-minute decision, but San didn't need to know that._

San seemed reluctant as he turned away from him to look at his phone, "Wooyoung-ssi, I think I'm going to have to cancel this. This isn't a good idea at _all."_

Wooyoung didn't know what, but something in him begged to stop the other as he went to turn the doorknob and walk out into the night.

"I'll pay you extra."

He noticed San stop in his tracks abruptly, as he let go of the knob and turned back around slowly. He seemed to be actually considering this, as he looked at Wooyoung with an unreadable expression, "How much?" 

Wooyoung cheered mentally and opened his mouth to name a price, hopefully one that would lure San into his bed. There was a second of silence that passed between them, but then San was nodding and pocketing his phone, "Okay, I'll do it, but only cause you're paying me." 

Wooyoung smiled and held back the urge to thank San. He shouldn't be thanking him, he was _paying_ the man to fuck him, "...alright then." 

San went back to his earlier question, "So, do you want to top or bottom, what are your preferences, or, you know, what do you _think_ you'd like?" Wooyoung had done some research of his own about how this works, and he was definitely no stranger to gay porn, so he knew exactly what he wanted when he opened his mouth to say, "Fuck me, I'll bottom." 

San raised an eyebrow, an action that was unfairly sexy to Wooyoung, "Really, your first time?" 

"Yeah." 

"Okay, then." 

San didn't waste a second, already pushing him against his wall near the door to pull him into a rough kiss. Wooyoung's eyes widened at the urgency, but then he managed to relax a little and closed his eyes, kissing him back. Wooyoung could feel San's whole frame pressed against his front, and he couldn't believe that he was really doing this, that he was really going to have sex for the first time, with a man who looked like he had been hand-crafted by god himself. 

Wooyoung let a gasp escape when San bit down on his bottom lip and opened his mouth to grant the other man access, "Wooyoung, you asked why I'd seemed surprised, before?" 

He had already forgotten that ever happening, but he nodded anyway, and San pulled back for a quick reply, "It's because I think you're the sexiest client I've ever had," and went right back to kissing him. Wooyoung's mind had just about turned into mush, and he had no idea what to say to such a bold remark. His cheeks felt warm, and surely, he was blushing, as San licked into his mouth shamelessly. 

His blush darkened, flush spreading to his neck when San pulled away to trace kisses down to his throat, to his collarbone, his tongue leaving a wet trail in the wake. Suddenly, Wooyoung wanted nothing more than for San to mark him, to leave bruises on his skin that he could remember him by, and he didn't know what had come over him when his hand tangled in San's hair and pulled him towards himself, allowing him to nip and suck at the smooth skin. Wooyoung threw his head back, hand tightening in San's strands as he bit down on Wooyoung's neck and sucked at the spot to leave a red mark, that would definitely be purple by tomorrow. 

He didn't know what exactly San had done, but it had felt great, and Wooyoung let an embarrassing moan slip from his mouth, covering it immediately with one hand. San looked up and, without saying anything, pulled his hand away and pinned it to the wall, continuing his trail of kisses across Wooyoung's neck. The smaller managed a timid, "Be- bedroom?" And San pulled away, allowing himself to be led inside Wooyoung's house to his bedroom. 

Once inside, Wooyoung locked the door (he didn't know why, it just felt...more comfortable that way) and didn't even have time to turn off the light, San already pushing him to sit on the bed and bending to suck a mark at the junction where his neck met his shoulder. Wooyoung moaned, and turned red at his own inability to control his sounds as San's actions became more assertive and less innocent. Not that they were ever innocent in the first place, considering their intentions. 

His mind was running too fast, and his body faster, when San's hands mapped a path across his clothed torso, still standing up in front of the bed while Wooyoung sat on the mattress with his hands awkwardly clutching the sheets at his sides. San dropped to his knees, and Wooyoung's brain nearly blew up at the realization of what was going to happen. 

Oh my god, this was too fast. Everything was too fast. The kisses, the hickeys, San's hands on him, his sinful tongue tracing his skin, and now he was on his knees? It hadn't even been ten minutes since he'd _met_ the guy and said 'guy' was currently on his knees in front of him, about to do _things_ to him, and Wooyoung had to admit, it was hot, in a way, but he was also a little jittery and unable to relax. 

San seemed to have noticed his edginess and smoothed a hand across his thigh in an action that was obviously supposed to be soothing, but only served to wind up Wooyoung more. San looked up from where he was on his knees, and Wooyoung nearly melted into a puddle when he saw the other man's dilated pupils and soft, tousled hair, looking like a wet dream in human form. San moved his hand to reach behind himself and pulled his phone out of his pocket, "Anywhere I can keep this? I don't want to have it in my pocket when I'm blowing you. It gets irritating when I can feel it." 

"You- you _what_ ?" Wooyoung tried to keep a straight face, but failed and probably ended up with a flustered grimace. _Blow him?_ How- how could anyone be this...bold, this forward? And all with a completely calm demeanour. Really, Choi San was something else. An annoying part of Wooyoung's brain reminded him that this was what San did everyday, so he was probably used to such- such lewd and graphic terms, unlike Wooyoung, who barely discussed sex even with his close friends, obviously because he was too scared that he'd seem clueless. 

"Um...earth to Wooyoung?" 

He suddenly realised he'd been silent for a while and responded, "Uh...sorry, just keep it there on the nightstand, yeah," Wooyoung gestured towards the mahogany wood stand near his bed, that had a pair of drawers attached to it. San nodded, getting off his knees and going to place his phone on the nightstand before coming back to kneel in front of Wooyoung, "Can I?" The taller's hands hesitated at his belt and Wooyoung nodded, albeit somewhat flustered at the sudden request for consent when San had been nothing but assertive so far. 

San unbuckled Wooyoung's belt and untucked his shirt, gesturing for him to take it off as San worked on his jeans. Wooyoung had pretty much accepted that his permanent state through this night would involve flushed cheeks and moved to obey San, unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it off his shoulders. 

He shuddered when he felt the cold air hit his torso and legs simultaneously, as San made quick work of his jeans, which were discarded somewhere near the foot of the bed, "Wooyoung?" Wooyoung gave him a noncommittal hum in response, too enraptured by the feeling of San's warm hands tracing his bare waist and thighs to actually answer with words. "Scoot up." 

Wooyoung looked at San with a confused expression, not really able to process commands when his brain was nothing more than a puddle of mush, and yelped when he felt firm hands guide his body upwards on the bed, pushing him to lie down so that San was straddling him. Wooyoung felt a shiver pass through him when San locked eyes with him, his hair falling into his dark pupils and suddenly, he couldn't take the heat. 

It was too hot. Too fast. Too _everything_ , and Wooyoung shut his eyes tightly, turning his head away into his own shoulder to avoid San's eyes. By then, the latter had already moved down his torso, licking across his skin and leaving marks that would definitely be dark and pretty tomorrow.

"Off," San tugged at the only remaining garment on him and Wooyoung complied a little shyly, biting his lip at the feeling of San's firm grip on him while pulling down his underwear and discarding it on the floor. Wow, he was really naked. He had never been naked like this in front of someone before. His length was erect and a little wet, the head flushed a deep pink. San licked his lips and looked at him, "Hm, you're this hard already? I guess I should've expected this, from a virgin." 

Wooyoung wanted to protest, wanted to whine at him and say that San just happened to be the hottest man he'd ever laid eyes on, and he'd never been this turned on before, but the other was clearly not waiting for a reply and was already going further. Wooyoung felt his face heat up for the nth time that night when San's hand wrapped around his length firmly, the other tracing patterns across his waist, "You work out often?" 

"No," that was true, Wooyoung hadn't been to the gym in weeks. "Then how come your figure looks like _this?"_ San smirked and bit down on his neck and Wooyoung could barely take his sexiness anymore, "Um- I...I'm a dancer." San moved the hand around his length and Wooyoung was whimpering. 

"That's hot," Wooyoung felt overwhelmed when San's bold words were accompanied by an increase in the pace of his hand, grip tightening in a way that was too easy and experienced to be overlooked. Wooyoung barely had the time to adjust his pillow under his head and San had clambered down his body, his hot breath grazing across his most sensitive area. San was still pumping him at a slow, lazy pace, which really was only serving to keep him hard and really not doing anything else for him. 

Then, all of a sudden, Wooyoung felt _something_ , something hot, and wet, on his dick. He looked down, and he probably shouldn't have, because the sight that met him was certainly something that would haunt every thought of his henceforth. San's mouth was wrapped around the head of his dick and his hand was still on him, gripping the part that his mouth couldn't reach. The other man looked so... _sexy,_ bending down and breathing heavily through his nose as he suckled on the head of his length gently. 

It wasn't much, it really wasn't much, but Wooyoung could already feel his stomach tightening as his mind clouded up with lust. His hand involuntarily made its way into San's soft hair, gripping it tightly as his movements became harsher. San swallowed down further, and almost seemed to be testing his own prowess, till he was finally all the way down, his nose buried in Wooyoung's wispy pubic hair. 

" _Oh my-"_ Wooyoung cut himself off with a moan when San began bobbing his head, his hands tightly gripping either side of Wooyoung's hips as his actions became rougher and less controlled. The man seemed to have absolutely no gag-reflex, deepthroating Wooyoung without the slightest problem as Wooyoung's sounds increased in volume and pitch. 

San pulled off, and traced across the base with his tongue, catching on the vein there, and Wooyoung couldn't help but buck his hips up into the heat as a gasp left his mouth. San chuckled against him, and the vibrations just made everything more intense, and left one last open mouthed kiss at the head of his dick before pulling off and kneeling on the bed in front of him to unbutton his own shirt, "So, Wooyoung, do you want me on top, or…?" He trailed off, leaving room for an answer. Wooyoung had none. 

"I don't- I don't know, I've never done-" San cut him off with a kiss on his lips, too gentle for what they were doing, "Okay, so just stay there, yeah?" 

Where would he even go? He was hard and leaking against his own stomach, and was honestly just on the brink of _begging_ for San to do something, but didn't want to come off as desperate, although that's probably exactly what he was. Desperate. For this man to fuck him. A man whom he had not even known a _day_ before. And even now, all he knew about him was his name and his profession.

What the hell.

Wooyoung looked up to see San get off the bed to shrug off his black shirt to reveal chocolate abs (that Wooyoung _definitely_ didn't want to lick all over) and shimmy his pants down his legs, and _holy mother of god-_ he wasn't wearing underwear, and...he was _big._

San's dick was probably the most impressive he'd ever seen, in all his porn-watching experience. He was hard and erect against his own stomach, tip leaking precome and Wooyoung didn't want to admit that he almost drooled at the sight. Wooyoung bit his lip, breathing hard to try and calm himself down, while San retrieved a bottle of lube and a condom from the pocket of his discarded pair of pants and climbed back on the bed, crawling over him. 

Wooyoung didn't know what to do with his hands, and they'd been hanging limply by his sides ever since San had left him on the bed to rid himself of his clothes. He was even too hesitant to touch himself, too distracted by the sight of San's beautiful, _beautiful_ body and his even more sexy confident aura. San was on top of him again, now, and he guided Wooyoung's hands to wrap around his neck as he uncapped the bottle of lube and squirted some on his fingers, moving away the bottle to place it on the nightstand. 

He captured Wooyoung's lips in a harsh kiss and his hand moved downwards, past Wooyoung's torso and pelvis and dick and further down to his hole. His fingers ghosted over the opening and Wooyoung pulled away from the kiss with a gasp when San pushed one finger inside him, and spread his legs with his other hand. 

It didn't hurt like he thought it would, to be honest. It was more...weird than anything else, and he just kinda had to accept the fact that another man had a finger up his ass. Once he got past that, it was kind of _okay_ . San pushed his finger in till the knuckle, and Wooyoung started feeling the slightest _something._

San was kissing his neck and shoulders, and Wooyoung distracted himself with the feeling of the other mouth tracing patterns across his skin, while San's finger worked in and out slowly. He added another, and Wooyoung's head fell back and his eyes squeezed shut. This time it was definitely hurting, yeah, _definitely._ The lube helped, making the slide smoother, but it really did nothing to soothe the pain, and Wooyoung tried focussing on everything but the feeling in his ass. 

"Oh wow, you're _tight_." San's voice was low and raspy, and it made a shiver pass through Wooyoung's wound up body. Wooyoung still really wasn't getting any pleasure from this, and the only good feeling was San's cock nudging against his own every now and then.

Then, San moved one arm to balance himself on the bed and crooked his fingers inside Wooyoung, brushing against the bundle of nerves inside him. Wooyoung's eyes shot open, pleasure coursing through his body as a loud whimper left him, "What- _ah,_ what did you do?" Wooyoung almost cringed at his breathy voice, nearly unrecognisable, when San smirked down at him and did it _again_ , pulling a whine from his parted lips. 

San didn't reply to his question and went further, adding another finger till he had three fingers knuckle deep in Wooyoung, long enough to just graze his prostate. He increased his pace, hitting deeper until his fingers were pressing against Wooyoung's prostate on nearly every thrust.

The latter was almost incoherent, moans and gasps slipping from his lips along with a thin string of drool, but he couldn't even bring himself to care, San's fingers making him feel things he didn't even know he _could_ feel, " _San, oh god_ , San ah-" 

And then, everything was gone. 

Wooyoung whined in protest when San's fingers left him, his cock aching and begging for release against his stomach, leaking precome everywhere. Wooyoung closed his eyes, breathing heavily as he licked his spit-slicked lips and clutched at the sheets at his sides tightly, cheeks and neck flushed a deep red. 

He heard the sound of a packet tearing, a little rustling and then San's weight was on top of him again, and Wooyoung opened his eyes to meet San's. He swallowed, raking his eyes over San's lithe but muscled body, down to his cock where he was sliding on a condom and slicking himself up with lube. 

_Oh my god, this was happening._

San tugged at himself a few times, and lined himself up with Wooyoung's hole, rubbing against it once, twice, thrice, and then he was pushing in. 

Wooyoung's mouth fell open in a silent scream as he threw his head back, his hands finding purchase on San's biceps, gripping tightly as the other man pushed into him slowly, "Oh _wow, I-"_ San shushed him with a finger on his lips, a gesture that was too gentle for the situation, but Wooyoung didn't have the will to think about it as his eyes teared up at the pain, "Wait- please, don't move."

San hummed in affirmation and moved his hand to wrap around Wooyoung's neglected length, not moving or anything, just gripping the base firmly. Wooyoung breathed deeply, swallowing a pained whimper when San bottomed out. 

Wooyoung moved his hands to wrap around San's neck, absent-mindedly playing with the strands at his nape as he tried to relax, "I like your hair," it just slipped out, but it was the truth. Wooyoung thought that the red highlights in San's hair made him look really hot, and maybe even a little unapproachable. Not that Wooyoung would ever have the courage to casually _approach_ someone like him and ask them out, nope, no way. 

San flashed a dimpled smile that was too cute to belong on a face like his, but it worked for him anyway, "Thanks, my friend did it for me." Wooyoung smiled back a little hesitantly and snaked his hand fully into San's soft hair, "You can move." 

San's demeanour changed instantly, his cute smile melting into a dark gaze, pupils dilated and skin sweaty as he tested the waters, pulling out and pushing back in with little resistance. Wooyoung's grip on him tightened, and San took it as a good sign, rocking in and out a little faster. Wooyoung moaned loudly and let his hands do the talking as they skimmed over San's defined torso and back, nails raking tracks over his skin. 

Wooyoung shifted a little, and San helped him get more comfortable, grabbing him by the thighs to wrap his legs around his own waist, causing a change in angle. It had obviously worked well, as Wooyoung gasped breathlessly and rutted his hips upwards, " _There, please…._ San-" San smirked in triumph and increased his pace, thrusting against the gland with purpose, as Wooyoung's nails caused damage to his skin, but he couldn't care less, his mind clouded and hazy with lust. 

San was panting, breathy groans leaving his mouth at the feeling of Wooyoung's tight, warm, hole around him. This was not like his usual endeavours, no. Wooyoung was... _different._ This man had made him lose his inhibitions, and pull real, and not forced moans, from his lips. How long had it been since someone had responded to him so well? How long had it been since someone had given him as much pleasure as he was giving them? How long since he'd started acting out his pleasure rather than feeling it? 

Wooyoung, by now, was unable to string words together, pants and moans leaving his mouth endlessly as he pulled San closer. He had never felt anything like this before, the pleasure was mind-numbing and he felt...pressure. Like a tap that was about to break. His stomach felt tight and knotted and he knew that he was probably close to coming. His length ached for attention, trapped between their bodies, and it was like San could hear this thought, as his free hand came to wrap around Wooyoung's erect length and jerk him off in time with his forceful thrusts. 

"You know, Wooyoung," San whispered in his ear, mouthing over his earlobe seductively, "You've lasted pretty long for your first time, so why don't you let go?" 

Wooyoung clenched around San and the other groaned at the feeling, pushing harder into him, "Come on, come for me, baby." The pet name did it for him, as he bit down on San's neck involuntarily and tightened his grip on him, toppling over the edge, vision becoming white as pleasure shot through him. He threw his head back as he rode his high out into San's hand, coming all over the other's hand and his own torso. Wooyoung gasped as San milked him dry, his stomach painted white by his own cum. 

Wooyoung breathed heavily as he came down from his high, and noticed that San had pulled out of him and had one hand wrapped around himself, jerking himself to completion. He'd pulled off and tied the condom, which was currently lying on the floor. Wooyoung didn't know where he got the courage from, probably his mind-blowing orgasm, but he gently nudged San's hand out of the way and wrapped his own hand around San's bare length, pumping up and down like he would do to himself. 

San seemed shocked at his actions, but soon gave in, grunting lowly as he bucked his hips into Wooyoung's fist, " _Tighter_ ," he spoke through gritted teeth, and Wooyoung obeyed, tightening his grip as he moved his hand up and down San's erect length. It took only a few more tugs before San was gasping on top of him, coming all over Wooyoung's fingers, and the other didn't stop his movements through his climax, having learnt well from what San had done for him. 

San flopped down next to Wooyoung with a sigh, the latter taking an experimental lick at his hand and grimacing at the taste. San chuckled at his disgusted expression and patted his head gently, "You'll get used to it." Wooyoung was surprised by his sudden amiability, but went along with it anyway, "That was _wow..._ I mean like- wow…" San chuckled again, looking unfairly good, all sweaty and naked next to him, and smoothed out his own hair, moving to get up.

Once San was up, he picked up the used condom and threw it into the dustbin at the corner of the room after a little looking around and directions from Wooyoung. He grabbed the towel that Wooyoung said he could use, and wet it in the bathroom, wiping himself clean before passing it to Wooyoung, who did the same and then threw it into the laundry tub. 

Wooyoung sat up reluctantly and looked at San, who was collecting his clothes from the floor and already slipping on his jeans, "Hey, your phone." 

"Oh, thanks." Somehow, San sounded too _normal,_ too unaffected for the events that had just occurred. He grabbed his phone and put it in his pocket, pulling his shirt over his shoulders, but leaving it unbuttoned. 

"Um…" Wooyoung started, but didn't know what to say. Because what were you even _supposed_ to say in this situation? Oh, right, he _did_ have something to say, "I should- I should pay you," Wooyoung reluctantly, got up, his legs feeling like jelly, and wrapped the sheet around his bare shoulders. Even after everything that had happened, even after San had just _fucked_ him, Wooyoung felt exposed standing naked in front of him, with nothing but a sheet wrapped around him. He wobbled over to his closet and grabbed a big t-shirt, one that would cover him down to his thighs and slipped it on along with a fresh pair of underwear. It would do for now. 

San was standing near the bed, fully clothed and scrolling through his phone, looking unbelievably good for someone who'd just had sex. Wooyoung grabbed his wallet and counted the money, along with the extra amount that he promised him, and handed it to San, avoiding his eyes and looking down at his own feet. "Wooyoung?"

"Hm?" Wooyoung looked up curiously when he felt San take his hand, placing some notes in it, "Here." 

"But I- what?" 

"It's the... _extra,_ that I asked you to pay, keep it." 

"Eh?" Did he just tell him to _keep_ the money that had made San agree to do this in the first place? 

"Well, I thought you wouldn't be worth my time, you know, being a virgin and all, but...I have to say, Jung Wooyoung, I don't think I've ever had such a good time in bed before," he _winked,_ he fucking _winked_ at Wooyoung, and stuffed the original amount into his pocket. San buttoned up his shirt and to Wooyoung's utter shock, leaned forward to pull him into one last bruising kiss, hand firm around Wooyoung's waist and tongue laving over his mouth before he let go with no warning and turned, unlocking the door to leave, "Let's call that a...goodbye gift, okay?" 

Wooyoung was stumped, as he stared after San with an open mouth and followed him to the front door, opening it for him as San waved innocently, his cute dimpled smile making a re-appearance, "Oh, and Wooyoung, if you ever want to reach out to us again, make sure to ask for Choi San, okay?" 

And then he was gone. 

  


**** 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done!!
> 
> (So this is a one shot, but I wanted to know if you guys think I should make it into a whole multi-chaptered story or not. If you think that this deserves more chapters, let me know in the comments and I'll add on. I was already thinking about doing it, but I thought you guys should decide whether it's good as it is or not, so.....yeah!)
> 
> Edit: Okay so now, with all the happiness and encouragement in the comments.....drumroll......I will keep updating this story!! Yay! *Cue happy Woosan cheers*
> 
> Thank you guys! ☺️☺️☺️
> 
> Stay safe!  
> Love,  
> R❤️


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand, Chapter 2 has arrived! Let me know how you think it is in the comments!  
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung had thought that that would be it, that he'd have sex with a stranger once and his non-existent love life would be magically fixed. 

He couldn't have been more wrong. 

Now that San had been his first, he somehow also shot to the top of his "hot people I definitely wouldn't mind getting in my pants" list, and the worst part was that anyone Wooyoung thought of as hot or cute or _anything_ before, suddenly paled in comparison to Choi San. Wooyoung knew, that even though he'd had sex only once in his life, that one time had been unreally perfect for him. He did know it for what it really was- he'd hired San,a _prostitute,_ to have sex with him. It could very well have been anyone else, but Wooyoung somehow had the feeling that no one else could give him in a lifetime what San had managed to in a single night. 

So, anyway, at first he thought that after he had sex once, talking to people in clubs wouldn't be as daunting an idea anymore, and the people who talked to _him_ , he wouldn't have to turn down the moment they suggested sex. 

But here he was, at a club with Yeosang, and the latter had already gone missing with some girl, while a guy who was, honestly, pretty hot, was clearly trying to get into his pants. "Hey, baby, come on, dance with me, I'll take you home and give you the night of your life, what do you say?" On any normal day, this offer would have made Wooyoung both excited and scared, and he had assumed that now, excitement would be all that he could feel. 

But all he could feel was...Choi San's lips on his skin and his hands in his hair and his deep voice in his ear- and Wooyoung was so screwed. 

He looked up at the guy, who was still expectantly holding out a hand for him to take, but Wooyoung...couldn't. Not when he knew that even as the guy did _things_ to him, all he'd think about would be San and his unreal proportions and pretty smile, "Hey, you seem nice and all, but I don't think that'd be a good idea, I'm sorry." 

"Really? You don't seem to be here with anyone, why don't I take care of you?" The guy seemed to be pretty persistent, and didn't look like he would take no for an answer, but Wooyoung still stood his ground, "Look, I didn't come here just to get laid, okay? So I suggest you leave before I call my friend over there to make you." 

There was no 'friend over there', but the guy seemed to take the hint, thankfully, and grumbled out, "You're going to regret it," and turned away from him, disappearing into the sea of bodies on the dance floor, probably to look for his next victim to get laid. 

Wooyoung sighed, gesturing at the bartender to mix him another drink, "Make it strong this time." 

The bartender, Yeosang's friend Hongjoong, winked, "You got it," and got to work, making a concoction that Wooyoung was sure the normal him wouldn't have been able to take. But this wasn't normal Wooyoung. This was brooding, annoyed Wooyoung. Annoyed by the fact that a single guy had made him this frustrated. 

_Fuck Choi San._

Fuck him, and his beautiful smile, his clear skin, his addicting taste, his mind-blowing skills in bed, his…everything. 

_Fuck him._

"Hey, Wooyoung, you seem down, you okay?" Hongjoong was looking at him with his drink in his hand, that Wooyoung grabbed gratefully and started to sip, "Yeah, you can put that on my tab, by the way. I'm okay, just a little….hung up over this guy." 

"Oh, there's a guy? Interesting, tell me more," he leaned his chin on his palm, raising an eyebrow at Wooyoung. 

"Well, I slept with him once, and now I can't get him out of my head," Wooyoung tightened his grip on the glass in his hand, swirling the drink around inside. It tasted like piss, but it was just what he needed. "So call him and tell him that- oh, you don't have his number, do you?" Hongjoong seemed to be catching on fairly quickly, and Wooyoung was thankful that he didn't have to explain too much. 

"Well, not exactly, but either way, it's not like I can just _call_ him, it's a little more complicated than that," Wooyoung sighed when Hongjoong chuckled, pouring more alcohol in his glass, "You'll be fine. You could find him if you tried hard enough, but it's really your call. Anyway, it's not like he's a prostitute that's going to forget your face the moment you're done with him, right?" 

God, if only he knew. 

Just then, his phone beeped, signalling that Yeosang texted him and Wooyoung looked down to see that he was going to his place with somebody and Wooyoung needn't wait up for him. He texted back a quick thumbs up and pocketed his phone, running a hand absent-mindedly through his ebony hair, "...yeah, I should probably get going. Apparently Yeosang's no longer staying over with me tonight." 

Hongjoong's face split into a wide grin as he poured one last drink for Wooyoung, "This last one's on the house, you look like you need it." Wooyoung accepted it with a smile and downed it quickly, paying Hongjoong and then grabbing his phone to call a cab. 

Wooyoung stumbled into the car and rattled off his address as clearly as he could, mind dulled by the effects of the alcohol. The driver was quiet through the ride, thankfully, and he got home soon enough, paying him and getting out to unlock his door and enter his apartment. 

At least he didn't have to work the next day. 

*****

Wooyoung woke up clutching his head, wincing at the light streaming in through the curtains that he'd forgotten to close the night before. His head felt like someone was knocking against it with a hammer, and his mouth was dry and sticky from sleep. He rubbed his eyes, noticing that he still had rings on his fingers, and that was when he realized that he hadn't even bothered changing his clothes the previous night, just collapsing on the bed in his t-shirt and skinny jeans. 

Wooyoung licked his chapped lips and pushed himself up to a sitting position, grabbing the bottle of water on his nightstand and taking large sips from it. He glanced at the watch still on his wrist and noticed that it was nearly eleven am, and decided to go out for brunch instead of trying to make anything at home. 

He groaned when he got up and his back cracked alarmingly loud, due to the uncomfortable position and clothes he'd slept in. He finally managed to get out of bed, after a little coaxing from his own brain, and peeled off his jeans and shirt, underwear following, before he headed straight for the shower. 

After cleaning up a bit and finally dressed in a comfortable t shirt and sweatpants, he slipped his phone and keys into his pocket, leaving the house and walking to the closest cafe for a coffee and sandwich. He spent his meal in silence, scrolling through social media and liking his friends' posts while he ate, paying the bill and walking out just a little past noon. 

During the walk back home, he grabbed his phone and dialled Yeosang's number from memory, placing the phone near his ear and waiting for the familiar "wassup?" that the other always greeted him with. 

Sure enough, three rings later, "Wassup?" 

"Hey, Yeosangie, you got home okay yesterday? Where are you now?" Wooyoung had made it to his street and could barely just make out the outline of the apartment's gate, as he walked towards it. 

"Mhm...I had a good time last night," Wooyoung could almost _hear_ his smirk through the phone, "Also the question isn't where am I, the question is where are _you?"_

Wooyoung was perplexed for a second, but then he noticed a figure waving from his doorstep, "I see you," he suppressed a chuckle, hanging up the phone as he made his way to where Yeosang was tapping his foot on the ground in an irregular beat, fiddling with his doorknob, "Hi!" 

"Hey, dude, care to open up?" Yeosang moved out of the way so he could put the key in the lock, turning it to throw open his door so that they could step inside. 

Yeosang didn't even wait for him to remove his shoes, already talking nineteen to the dozen, "Okay, so you know Hongjoong-hyung's boyfriend Seonghwa-hyung right?"

Wooyoung deadpanned, "No." 

"Oh, okay. Well, anyway, Seonghwa-hyung said there's this really great gay strip club near his place, and he wants to take us there next Friday. You in? And before you say anything, I know you don't have to work next Saturday." 

Wooyoung actually wasn't going to say anything. Suddenly, the idea of going to a strip club where there'd definitely be hot guys, appealed to him more than any other decision he'd made in the past three days, the first of them having been the day that he was bedded by San, "Um, sure, why not? I'm gay, you're bi, you can get laid, I'll sit around and drink," he ended that last sentence with a chuckle, and Yeosang sighed at him and shook his head, "Nope." 

"What?" 

"Nope. I'm taking you there precisely so that _you_ can get laid, okay? Maybe I could even fix you up with one of the dancers. That would be hot, wouldn't it?" Wooyoung rolled his eyes, sinking down on the couch beside Yeosang, "Uh-huh...in your dreams, Kang Yeosang." 

"Just wait and see, I'll fix you up with the hottest guy there, and you _will_ get laid. Seriously, you've like never told me about your sexy times, like _ever._ I bet it's been ages since you last had sex." Wooyoung chuckled nervously, licking his lips, "Yeah…" 

"Okay, so now that that's settled, what movies have you got downloaded?" Yeosang leaned into his comfortably, hugging a cushion to his chest as Wooyoung picked up the TV remote to scroll through movies. 

"How about The Avengers?" 

"Wooyoungie, not again! That's like the third time this week!" They wrestled for the remote like children and Wooyoung won with a loud cackle, hiding it behind himself as Avengers started to play, much to Yeosang's irritation. 

They watched the whole of it anyways. 

*****

"I am _not_ wearing that." 

"Yes you _are."_

" _No way."_

"Shut up and let me make you hot, Wooyoung." Wooyoung grunted in protest when his hands were shoved into a _see-through_ black shirt and it was pulled over his head, messing up his black locks in the process. Yes, Yeosang was forcing him to dress up like a fucking _twink_ to go this club, and he was extremely annoyed, although he had to admit, it looked kind of hot on him. 

But obviously, Yeosang wasn't done. 

He shoved a pair of leather pants at him, "Go change, and when you're out I'll do your makeup. I'll do mine in the meantime." 

Wooyoung sighed, knowing he had lost, and looked back over his shoulder to see Yeosang with his mouth open in concentration and a brush stroking over his temple, covering the birthmark that decorated the left side of his face. He turned back around and stepped into the bathroom, changing his sweatpants into the tight, uncomfortable leather that hugged his thighs, showing off assets he didn't know he had. 

He stepped out, and was greeted by Yeosang looking him up and down, smiling in triumph at his own creation, "Nice. Now come here." He beckoned to him and Wooyoung stepped closer into his space as Yeosang raised a brush and began dabbing at his cheeks, followed by thin strokes on his eyelids and a pencil gently lining his eyes. 

He felt a pat on his cheek, "Okay, you're done." He opened his eyes, blinking a few times before looking into the mirror in front of him, "...wow." Yeosang smiled at his reaction as he put away the brushes and palettes, "I know, you look hot. You're welcome." 

His eyes were accentuated by thin eyeliner and metallic coloured eyeshadow, a thin stroke lining the bottom of his eyes as well. His face looked kind of paler than usual, and the dark shades around his eyes made the makeup look really amazing on him. It was a job well done, if it wasn't too narcissistic of him to compliment his own features, but it really did make him look 'smoldering', as Yeosang had put it. 

He grinned, patting Yeosang on the back good naturedly, "You also look pretty hot." Yeosang threw him a sparing glance over his shoulder, "Oh I know. It's all in the hair," he patted his own light brown hair, that was styled to perfection, revealing his pale forehead. Wooyoung let a small laugh escape him, as he slipped a jacket over his shoulders, grabbed his wallet, phone, ID, keys and lip balm (he took that everywhere) and turned off the lights just as Yeosang sprayed cologne on himself and Wooyoung for a final touch. 

"Okay, you ready?" Yeosang nodded and grabbed him by the wrist, tugging him out of his bedroom, down the stairs and to the front door, which he threw open with a flair, "Operation get-Wooyoung-laid commences!" He announced, much to the aforementioned man's indignation, and shut the door behind them, hearing the familiar 'click' of the lock before they left. 

They took a cab to Seonghwa's place- whom Wooyoung would be meeting for the first time- and they'd be walking from there because apparently it was close. 

They reached Seonghwa's address and Yeosang said hi to him and Hongjoong through the intercom, after which they were called to come to the second floor to the apartment. They trudged up the stairs and to the second floor, turning right to see '2C' in large letters on the door, meaning that it was Seonghwa's place. Wooyoung rang the doorbell and while waiting, fidgeted with the loose strings of his shirt. 

Soon enough, he heard movement and then there was a 'click' as the door opened to reveal Hongjoong and a taller man next to him, who was probably Seonghwa. Wooyoung smiled and offered his hand for a firm shake as he introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Jung Wooyoung, Yeosang's friend." Seonghwa's face erupted in a warm smile that drew Wooyoung to him at once, and he nodded down at him, "Park Seonghwa. Hey, Yeosangie, this one's cute. Maybe if I'd met him before Hongjoong, this might'nt have happened," he gestured to himself and Hongjoong, the teasing glint in his eyes only making him seem more attractive. 

Hongjoong didn't seem to think nicely of the comment, as he slapped Seonghwa lightly on the arm, "Hey!" His demeanour relaxed immediately though, when the taller man wrapped his arm around his shoulders, and Wooyoung suppressed a smile at the domesticity. "Um...we'd invite you guys inside, but it's kind of a mess right now and I'd prefer it if we left right away." Yeosang shook his head, smiling, "Oh that's no problem, hyung. We'll come by some other time to see your place." 

Wooyoung and Yeosang stepped back as the couple stepped forward and turned to shut the door, Hongjoong immediately grabbing Yeosang by the arm and starting to rant about everything and nothing. 

The walk was mostly filled with Hongjoong and Wooyoung's chatter, as the younger of the two became quickly accustomed to Seonghwa's presence, finding it a welcome addition to their little group. They reached the club soon, its location blatantly advertised by bright neon lights and signs. 

They flashed their IDs at the front and entered, Seonghwa and Hongjoong sticking to each other's sides so that they wouldn't get lost in the crowd. Seonghwa smiled at Wooyoung and Yeosang, "Okay, you guys go and knock yourselves out, we're going to the bar," he turned, linking his arm with Hongjoong's as the two of them disappeared into the mass of people. 

It seemed to be a typical gay club, just filled with guys hitting on each other. The place reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke, and Wooyoung already felt light-headed due to the loud music blasting from the speakers. He saw Yeosang saying something, he couldn't make out what, but he was already being dragged towards the chairs next to the stage, which was still dark. Clearly, nothing had happened there yet. 

Yeosang motioned for him to stay and he did, looking around dazedly at the people around him while he waited for Yeosang to return from wherever he'd gone. He noticed a few couples making out on chairs and in corners, one even going as far as necking and grinding in front of everyone. But he supposed it was normal at a place like this, and looked away quickly, catching Yeosang's eye as he returned, carrying two glasses, "Here."

"What's that?* 

"Drink it." Wooyoung didn't know if the vague response was a good thing or not, but he shrugged, doing the drink and grimacing at the taste, "Why are you trying to get me drunk?" 

"So that you're buzzed enough to agree to go home with a stranger, that's all." Wooyoung hardly felt that going home with a stranger was a good idea, but he didn't voice this thought, choosing to simply raise an eyebrow at Yeosang and sip his drink slowly. 

He'd gotten a little lost in his own thoughts, wondering if a week was long enough for him to have gotten over San's...everything, and whether he could maybe actually get laid tonight, when he felt a tap on his shoulder, "You seem down, sweetheart. Do you think I could cheer you up with a dance?" A short, strawberry-blonde man stood over him, looking at him with pouty lips and bright eyes that were too innocent to be a stripper's. But that was probably what he had going for him. The innocent, clueless boy look that appealed to most, but to him…not at the moment, no. 

He tried politely declining, but Yeosang was already grinning and nodding wildly, agreeing that yes, he needed to be cheered up and yes, a dance would do it. He had slipped a few notes into the boy's hand, and before Wooyoung could say anything, the guy was already in his lap, grinding his hips down and snaking his arms around his neck, plucking the empty glass from his hand and placing it on a roaming bartender's tray. Yeosang left wordlessly, flashing a quick salute at Wooyoung.

Yeah, it felt good and it was all tingly and everything, but...it wasn't even close to the feeling he'd had when Choi San's hands were tracing patterns on his waist just like this the week before, "My name is Minhee, what's yours, sweetheart?" 

Wooyoung attempted a smile, "Wooyoung." 

"That's a pretty name, do you think I could see for myself if you're as pretty everywhere as your face is?" Wooyoung sighed, his hands hanging limply by his sides as the shorter boy grinded down on his lap, winking at him cutely. This should've been exhilerating, exciting, it should have made him hard and needy, but…

_What the hell was wrong with him?_

Wooyoung abruptly- and quite rudely- pushed the boy off his lap, getting up from the chair as he turned towards the bar, speed-walking there without looking back...or forward, for that matter.

_Thump._

He crashed into something, or rather, someone, and nearly tripped over his own two feet in an effort to stay upright, but thankfully, his balance due to years of training as a dancer favoured him. The other person, however, was not so lucky, as they went down, falling right on their ass with a pained cry. 

Wooyoung froze. 

He knew that voice. 

He _knew_ that voice. 

Oh my god.

_No fucking way this was happening._

Anyone would've been polite enough to at least extend their hand to help a person get up, especially if they're the one who knocked said person over, but strangely, Wooyoung's limbs seemed to have stopped working properly. 

He watched, mouth open, as Choi San arose to his full height and dusted himself off, looking Wooyoung straight in the eye as a glimmer of recognition flitted across his pupils and his eyes widened, "Wooyoung?" A lazy smirk spread across his face and Wooyoung nearly melted on the spot, "Fancy seeing you here." 

Wooyoung attempted to say something, anything, but all that came out was a choked sound, even as San chuckled, amused at his expense. _Asshole._ "Is me falling on my ass revenge for last week, when I hurt yours?" Wooyoung swallowed, adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he tried to come up with a comeback that would hopefully render San as speechless as he had made him. He failed, instead just letting another embarrassing squeak escape his lips and immediately regretting every decision of his life, most of all the one involving Choi San. 

San chuckled again, teasing smirk still plastered on his face, and that was when Wooyoung realized what he was _wearing._ The other man adorned a tight sleeveless black tee, showing off endowed muscles. It was tucked into a pair of midnight blue leather pants, and Wooyoung gulped as his eyes traced the line of San's thin waist, tapering into long legs that seemed to have no end. The worst (best) part of all this was the black choker wrapped snugly around his neck, metal clasp fastened tightly at the front. 

"What? You like what you see?" San had caught him staring, and Wooyoung kind of just wanted the ground to swallow him up, "Um…" he finally managed, because he figured that _something_ is better than nothing, and he really had to say something before it became awkward. San's gaze travelled appreciatively down his attire, and _oh shit_ now it's awkward. 

"Uh...what are you doing here?" Wooyoung hoped his voice wasn't shaky, as his brain very _helpfully_ provided images of him being bent over and fucked senseless by San. The other man grinned, showing off dimples that Wooyoung suddenly had the urge to poke, "I work here, sweetie. What about you?" 

Wooyoung didn't answer the question, stuttering over his words as he threw another back at San, "You- you're a stripper?" San shrugged, "Well, not exactly. I don't go up on the stage, if that's what you mean. But I give lap dances and stuff," San adjusted the choker around his neck and Wooyoung has never wanted to grab someone's neck this badly. 

"Do you want one?" San's eyes glinted devilishly, catching the club lights and shining bright, "I've been told I'm good."

Wooyoung nearly choked on his own spit, and was thankfully saved the trouble of answering, when he was interrupted by Yeosang's voice behind him, "Oi, Wooyoung. Apparently you ditched Minhee? Oh- who's this?" He noticed San as he came to a stop beside Wooyoung. 

Wooyoung really wanted to just wake up _right now_ , but sadly, this wasn't a dream. And he knew that because, if it were, he and San would've been naked by now (yes, it had happened twice). 

"I'm San." Yeosang nodded, registering the suggestive outfit and makeup, and finally realising exactly what, or _who_ San was, " _Oh_! Did I interrupt you two? Sorry, Wooyoungie, if you were going to...you know…" he trailed off, but he'd already said too much. Wooyoung sighed, "Actually-" 

"Yeah, _Wooyoungie_ is going to come with me now, and I'm going to give him the night of his life," That was the last thing Wooyoung heard before he registered San's hand wrapping around his wrist, pulling him away from the bar and back to the chairs, sitting him down firmly on one of them. 

"What the hell, dude?" Wooyoung's indignant whine was paid no heed, as San licked his lips, looking over his shoulder to where Yeosang had disappeared with a quick "have fun!", and he plonked himself down on Wooyoung's lap, arms snaking around his shoulders, "I'd rather you didn't call me 'dude' when I'm about to give you a lapdance, okay?" His voice was sickly sweet, dripping with honey, and Wooyoung didn't know what to say. San leaned down lower, latching his mouth onto Wooyoung's ear, voice dropping by several octaves till it was merely a rasp, "You don't even have to pay me for this one, just let me…" 

And then he rolled his hips down, and Wooyoung involuntarily bucked his own hips upwards against San's, head falling into his neck with a gasp. "There we go, Wooyoungie. Just...let go, okay?" The latter barely registered the words, nodding into San's neck anyway, as San tightened his grip around his neck and his movements increased in speed, "Your friend said you ditched Minhee? He's one of the best here, why's that?" 

Wooyoung couldn't believe that San was actually trying to initiate a conversation now, with his hips working wonders above Wooyoung's, and his fingers playing with the hair at his nape, "Um…I wasn't re- really feeling it, I guess." 

"Mhm...and now?" 

"What?" 

"Are you 'feeling it' now?" He emphasized his point by pressing a subtle kiss to Wooyoung's earlobe. "San," Wooyoung couldn't really say much else, allowing his breathy tone to waft through the air between them. 

"That's what I thought." And then he was getting up, shifting to sit more comfortably with both legs on either side of Wooyoung's thighs, slung over the back of the chair. His hands strayed down Wooyoung's chest and to his thighs, pressing down gently before travelling upwards again to rest on his shoulders, as he breathed into his ear, "Do you know how lucky you are, Wooyoung? How lucky that you're not emptying your wallet for me, like everyone else in here would do without a second thought?" Wooyoung shivered, and a subtle tremor passed through San's body as well, "You've caught my eye, Jung Wooyoung." 

A few seconds of silence passed, San placing a few more subtle pecks on his exposed neck as he grinded down, and then he was getting up, trailing a finger up his chest to his jaw as he tilted Wooyoung's chin up to meet his eyes, "Come back here next week, you hear me?" Wooyoung nodded shakily, wide eyes captured by San's captivating dark orbs. He couldn't have said no if he wanted to.

San left him with a brush of fingers against his jaw, the ghost of a touch imprinting itself into his sensitive skin. Wooyoung turned, eyes following the other man's back as he melted into the crowd without a trace, and Wooyoung was left sitting in the chair, half-hard between his legs that were pressed together. 

He let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding, and out of nowhere, Seonghwa materialized in front of him. He was startled for a second, and blinked when he realized who it was, "Oh, Seonghwa-hyung, hi." The other man was clearly drunk, as he patted Wooyoung on the shoulder with a sympathetic laugh, "What made you look this shaken? You look like- like you just got rejected." Wooyoung couldn't see anything funny in that sentence, but it certainly seemed so to Seonghwa, who burst into silly giggles immediately after. 

God, he wasn't drunk enough for this. 

He didn't know if he could stay in there another second either, so he got up abruptly, almost knocking his head into Seonghwa's chin, "Hyung, would you tell Yeosang that I'm gonna head home? I've gotta do some work." He wasn't lying, he really did have to finish choreographing his piece, which he would be uploading on YouTube soon. 

Seonghwa nodded, but Wooyoung didn't really care enough to check whether he understood him or not, already straightening out his jacket and turning to walk out the door and into the night air. 

He breathed in the fresh, alcohol-and-cigarette-free air, looking up at the sky, when he suddenly realized that leaving behind a drunk Seonghwa to pass on his message to an equally drunk Yeosang was not the best idea, and at the very least he should make sure his best friend gets home safe. 

He turned back around, walking through the door again and being once again surrounded by a crowd, but he could just about pick out Yeosang's familiar head of sandy hair bobbing along a little ahead of him. He pushed his way to his friend, and caught him by the shoulder, turning him around to face him, "Yeosangie, I wanna go home. You coming?" 

"But you're not even drunk! And you said you'd get laid tonight!" Wooyoung wasn't going to stand for this nonsense, he was too tired and irritated for this, "I'm...not in the mood now, Sangie. Please, can we just leave?" 

Yeosang seemed too drunk to protest, as he waved at Seonghwa and Hongjoong, gesturing that they were leaving and leaned into Wooyoung's side, walking along with him. 

Wooyoung elbowed his way through the crowd, determined on dragging Yeosang's ass home no matter how annoyed he was.

He was just about to step towards the door when he heard a loud crash from the backstage doors next to them, followed by an agonising wail, the voice familiar and bone-chilling. 

_San._

He let go of Yeosang at once, pushing people out of the way to barge through the doors without caring about the 'staff only' sign hung up outside it. He found a figure lying sprawled on the ground next to a large shelf, bare legs twisted in an unnatural angle. 

_Oh my god._

Wooyoung's heart raced, all thoughts of getting home evaporating as he rushed towards the man on the ground, who had one hand cradling his bare left leg, around which a small pool of blood was beginning to form, "San! Are you okay?! What- what happened?!" 

San was breathing heavily, his tight shirt restricting his movements, but at least he was awake. His eyes were fluttering open and closed, and Wooyoung crumpled to the ground in front of him, pulling his head to rest on his lap. 

Wooyoung vaguely registered the sound of yelling behind him, and ran a hand through San's hair, forcing himself not to wipe away the other man's tears, knowing it was a futile exercise to try. He heard someone yelling, "Call an ambulance! He's losing blood!" And then someone else was kneeling in front of him, placing a hand on San's thigh and earning a loud whimper in response, "San, stay awake, okay? Stay awake for us…San?" 

That was when Wooyoung noticed that San had slumped down in his lap, hand falling slack against his own side as his eyes fluttered shut, not blinking open again after that. 

***** 

  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, don't hate me!! *uses Yunho as a shield cause he's bigg*
> 
> I promise it'll get better!  
> Did I meet your expectations? I hope so! 🤭 
> 
> Stay safe you guys!  
> Love,  
> R❤️


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back with chapter three!!  
> Hope you guys like this, let me know what you think!! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung paced back and forth in the waiting room, Yeosang on the other line of his phone, "So you're telling me, that you slept with a prostitute some time back, and you saw the same guy in the club last night, and he got injured, so now you're with him in the hospital?" 

"Yeah…" He knew how crazy it sounded, but he couldn't just leave him there bleeding, could he? "I don't know how much of last night you remember, but Hongjoong-hyung took you home while I came here with San and this guy, Mingi. Says he's San's friend and a bartender at the club." 

Yeosang sighed loudly, "Well, okay. Just...don't do anything crazier than you already have. I love you." 

"Love you too, bye," He hung up. 

Okay, so maybe he was just a tad in over his head, or maybe he was just a nice person who couldn't bear to leave someone he knew, wounded and bleeding on the floor. 

He remembered every single detail of the previous night, sure that he wouldn't be forgetting any of it anytime soon. He remembered a man with violently red hair calling the hospital, telling them the address of the adjacent building so that they wouldn't have to explain the club to them. He introduced himself to Wooyoung as Song Mingi, and Wooyoung simply said that he was one of San's clients, giving him no further explanation. 

Thankfully, the urgency of the situation overcame the lack of context, and Mingi carefully tugged a pair of loose shorts over San's legs, previously bare except for the tight boxers he was wearing. Well, it was nothing Wooyoung hadn't seen before. Once he was decent, Wooyoung picked him up easily, arms winding around his back and carefully around his knees as San released a soft whimper, even unconscious, and leaned into the warmth. Wooyoung was thankfully strong enough to carry him outside and to the entrance of the building, as he left Hongjoong with a quick message saying that he had to go and asked him to take care of Yeosang. 

Mingi and he accompanied San to the hospital, Mingi clutching onto San's hand the whole time, while Wooyoung asked question after question, finally being silenced with a quick snap from the driver telling him to shut up. All he learned was that from face value, there wasn't much damage, but they couldn't tell until San was in the hospital and the doctor took a look at him. 

Once they got there, Mingi said he was the only available close friend, and that San had no known family. Wooyoung couldn't even find it in himself to feel bad for San right then, as his heart was occupied by other emotions, concern and worry and fear. He had no space left for sympathy. 

San was finally taken into the ER and his leg was checked and bandaged up, Wooyoung and Mingi learning that he had no severe damage done to his leg other than a nasty sprain and a deep scratch, which led to him having five stitches on his shin. They also learnt that he had suffered a slight concussion, having fallen with his head back on the floor. 

All this had happened at about one in the morning, and it was now almost four, and Wooyoung was no longer in the ER. He had already gotten sick of the tubes and gloves and masks and the sterile smell of the hospital. He and Mingi had been herded out of the room by a nurse, who firmly stated that them being in there wouldn't do any good until San was awake. 

Mingi was seated in one of the chairs, hand clutching his head, and Wooyoung thought that he was crying for a second, but then he raised his head and looked him straight in the eye, "Um...Wooyoung-ssi?" 

"Just Wooyoung is fine." 

Mingi nodded, "Wooyoung, how exactly do you know San?" Wooyoung blushed a little at the memory and immediately reprimanded himself for thinking such thoughts right now, "I- uh...I hired him, actually. Just last week." Mingi raised a cryptic eyebrow, "...oh."

"Why?" 

"He's just...never mentioned you, that's all." Wooyoung wasn't surprised, honestly, because San had probably prepared to forget him the moment he stepped out of his house, and also the fact that it had only been a week since that night. He nodded, "Yeah...I kinda figured. It's just...I couldn't just leave him there without proper care, so you know, this was the right thing to do." 

Mingi nodded at him, and Wooyoung sank down into one of the chairs beside him, "Thank you, Wooyoung. You're a good man." Wooyoung couldn't smile, so he just inclined his head in thanks, hoping the message got across, "No, I mean it. I would never have been able to get him here by myself. And…thank you for paying as well, it means a lot." 

Yes, Wooyoung had said that he would pay the hospital for their services, because out of the three of them, he figured that he had the most stable job and therefore it was natural that he should pay, "No, it's alright. I just hope San is okay." Mingi smiled a little, and Wooyoung couldn't help but return it when he saw the man's eyes crinkle and disappear, making an extremely cute sight. 

Just then, the doctor walked into the waiting room, clutching a pad and pen, stethoscope slung around her neck, "You two are here for Choi San, age 25?" 

Mingi and Wooyoung nodded, and the doctor replied, "He is awake now. You can go and see him. We will give you the rest of the details once you are inside the ER. Please follow me." The two of them wordlessly obliged, following the woman into the room where San was lying on the bed, stripped of his tight clothes, now adorning a simple blue hospital gown that made him look extremely small. 

"San-ah, how are you feeling?" Mingi was at his side at once, linking his fingers with San's naturally, "What happened in there? You scared us so badly!" San raised an eyebrow, "Us?" Wooyoung noticed that his face was bare of makeup now, a contrast to the heavy and smoky shades he had adorned before. San's tanned skin was unbelievably clear and pretty. 

Mingi nodded, "Yeah, me and Wooyoung over here," he gestured to the aforementioned boy, and Wooyoung popped up from behind Mingi with a timid wave. San seemed shocked, eyes widening as he locked them with Wooyoung's, "Woo- Wooyoung? Why are you here?" 

"I heard you fall, and I said I'd come here with Mingi," Wooyoung didn't mention the part about him paying for all of this. San's face relaxed, morphing into a tender smile that caused an unfamiliar feeling to course through Wooyoung's veins, "Oh...thank you." Wooyoung smiled back, nodding in acknowledgement as San turned to the expectant doctor, who was waiting for him to tell her about how exactly he had fallen and what he remembered. 

"Um...I went backstage to change because- um…my pants were ruined," Wooyoung flushed at that part, wondering what had happened, "and one of the tube lights from the changing room was broken and lying on the table, which I didn't notice. I- I remember keeping my pants on the table and it knocked over the light, which cut me," he gestured to his bandaged shin, "I lost my balance when I tried to hold on the table and I fell," he paused, biting his lip, "That's it." 

The doctor nodded, scribbling away in her notepad. Thankfully, she didn't ask any questions about his job, or why his pants were ruined, "Hm…" she mused, turning to look at Mingi with a slight smile, "Okay…Song Mingi-ssi? San-ssi can be discharged today before noon. He'll be fine by then, we just need him to take a few tests and check-ups now. We will hand over to you the prescription and instructions for the next few days, just a few necessary precautions to prevent any further damage to his leg, along with painkillers." Mingi nodded. 

The doctor turned back to San, running a gentle hand over the bandage on his shin, "San-ssi, are you feeling any pain now?" 

"A little, but it's actually kind of numb. I can't feel much of anything. My head hurts a little, though." The doctor nodded, "That is to be expected. You might be having a slight headache and nausea for a while, as a result of the concussion. It's mild, so don't worry, it shouldn't last more than a day or two. Oh, would one of you please hand this over to the chemist and get these drugs?" The doctor held out a paper which Wooyoung took without hesitation, and exited the room, walking in the direction of the pharmacy within the hospital. 

It didn't take too much time, as it wasn't even five am yet, and the hallways were pretty clear. He managed to get the medicines easily, walking back to the ER holding a brown paper bag in his hand that contained painkillers and anti-biotics that San would have to take for the next few days. 

Wooyoung took a deep breath, pausing for a second to get a hold of himself. Wow, so much had happened in such a short time and he didn't know what to make of it. He didn't even feel like himself, it felt like he was watching his body from a distance away, as it performed action after action, and Wooyoung himself had no say in it. 

That was when he realized just how tired he was. But it wasn't the 'sleepy' kind of tired, no, it was more of an overwhelming exhaustion that made him want to block out the world and float among the clouds aimlessly. Which was surprising, because he hadn't slept in almost twenty four hours, but he still didn't feel any particular urge to collapse into bed and let the dreams take over. 

He shook his head, clearing it of all unwanted thoughts. 

_San. San is the priority here, don't get muddled up._

The packet of medicines had torn a little in the corner from how tight he was gripping it, but Wooyoung managed to deliver it without any further complications, just as the doctor had finished instructing San on what he could and couldn't do for the next few days. 

Wooyoung was amazed by the way San seemed to drown inside the loose hospital gown, as his thin figure was completely enveloped by the soft material. His face was clear, unblemished, and Wooyoung really envied the sexy, natural tan of his skin, darker than the average Korean standard. He seemed almost…serene, even as he lay on a hospital bed, with needles and drugs and doctors around him. He was completely calm, and showed no signs of pain on his face, but Wooyoung knew better.

San's leg was propped up on Mingi's lap, as the latter wrote on the bandage with a pen, tongue sticking out in concentration. Wooyoung had to stifle a laugh when he saw what Mingi was doing. Didn't people usually only do that for fractures or more long-lasting injuries? San's bandage would barely be on him for a week. Either way, the action was endearing, as San conversed easily with the doctor, his bandaged leg completely at Mingi's mercy. 

The doctor turned to directly address Wooyoung, "I will be heading outside for a while, call one of the nurses if you need anything. I will be back before eight am, and if San-ssi is doing better, he can be discharged by ten am at the latest. Optimistically, he should be out of here by eight thirty." Wooyoung bowed politely, "Thank you, doctor." She left the room with a warm smile. 

A moment of silence passed, and Wooyoung kept picking at the loose strands of his t shirt, looking around the room (yes, he was still wearing his slutty clothes from last night, and he wondered what the doctor must have thought of him). 

"Wooyoung?" San's voice was smaller than he remembered, almost timid as he looked up at him. Wooyoung nodded, eyes trained on San expectantly. "Can you- um...can I have a minute alone with Mingi please?" 

Wooyoung felt stupid at once. It wasn't any of his business being here, he was probably just a nuisance to San and Mingi. Clearly the two of them were very close friends, and Wooyoung almost felt like he was third-wheeling them. He nodded hurriedly, "Oh, of course. Sorry if I'm- if I'm interfering." 

Mingi shook his head with a smile, "Don't be sorry, you aren't interfering at all. It's a blessing that you're here, honestly." Wooyoung appreciated the tall man's words, but he wasn't sure that San shared those sentiments, as he gave Wooyoung a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. 

He slipped out of the room without another word, making himself scarce so the two of them could talk in peace. He made it to the waiting room, where he sunk into one of the chairs, head falling into his palms as he massaged his temple with his own fingers. 

He was a mess. 

A freaking crazy, tired and inappropriately dressed mess. 

Gosh, this wasn't him, this was probably the least 'Wooyoung' thing he'd ever done in his life, and it all started because of Choi San and his fucking dimples. Okay, so maybe the dimples part wasn't really necessary, but the rest of it was true. 

_His dimples were pretty damn adorable though._

No. 

_Yes._

No. 

_Yes._

Yes. 

***** 

The optimistic outcome turned out to be the right one, as San hobbled out of the hospital gates on unsteady feet, at about a quarter to nine. They didn't have a car, so Wooyoung had to call a grumpy Yeosang to come and pick them up. 

San was once again dressed in the same shirt he was wearing the previous night, along with the pair of shorts Mingi had slipped on him. It clashed horribly, but he pulled it off with a confident air anyway. Wooyoung forced his eyes to stray away from the clear outline of San's abs under his shirt, and instead looked down the road for his friend.

Yeosang arrived soon enough, honking loudly to get their attention as he rolled up near the gates. Wooyoung flashed a grateful smile at his friend as Mingi helped San get into the backseat and then slid in himself, Wooyoung sitting on the passenger's side, "Thanks a ton, Yeosang-ah. I don't know what I would do without you." 

Yeosang muttered something not-so-nice under his breath and turned to the back, flashing a sudden grin, "I'm Kang Yeosang. You're San, I met you already," he stated, eyes drifting down to the man's bandaged leg, "And you must be Mingi." 

The two of them nodded, San's head falling to rest on Mingi's shoulder naturally as Yeosang turned back around to start the car, "So where to?" 

"What?" 

"Where do I have to drop you guys? I know Wooyoung's place, obviously, but I don't know where you live." 

Mingi's distinct voice travelled to the front seat, "You can just drop us off at the same club. It's fine." 

Yeosang shook his head at the rear-view mirror, "No, no. Let me drop you home. Where do you live?" 

Mingi looked conflicted for a moment, before San leaned up from his shoulder to speak, "Um...we don't actually, like- We're pretty much just staying in the top floor of the club for now. There's like a room there, and our boss said we could stay there for free because we work there. Temporarily. Till we can earn enough to find a place." 

Yeosang raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on it, nodding silently as the engine revved to life. 

Wooyoung, on the other hand, was a little concerned. Was it really okay for someone to live on top of a club? Who knows what sort of activities could take place there? It wasn't a very safe idea for anyone. But...San and Mingi weren't just anyone, thankfully. They worked at that very club, Wooyoung told himself, and they would be fine. 

He wondered for a second how long all this had been going on, how long they'd lived this life, but didn't voice his thoughts, feeling like the question would come off as too personal. He barely knew them. All he knew about Mingi was his name and job. And about San, well...he knew a whole lot more, but it wasn't the stuff one needed to know in order to be able to trust a person. 

But somehow, he felt like he could trust San. 

Maybe it was just his dick talking, because of course San was hot, but surely, the panic he'd felt when he'd seen the other man in such a vulnerable state- that couldn't have been fake. No, he'd definitely felt his heart thunder in his chest at the idea that the damage was serious. And the relief when he was assured that San was fine, that was real too, definitely. 

But to be honest, at this point, having realizations regarding his opinions about San and Mingi would barely be of any use. He was going to see them off at the club, and _maybe_ they would meet again sometime if Yeosang decided to drag him back to the same club. 

The memory of Choi San and the crazy events of the night would probably end being just that, a memory, and maybe an interesting story to recount. A memory, just like the previous Thursday night, where he'd learnt more about himself than he knew he could, and San had been the one to teach him, gentle yet just harsh enough so he'd remember not to think of it as anything more than it was. 

Wooyoung shook his head free of all thoughts when he realized that they'd almost reached the club, and Yeosang was pulling over outside the entrance soon enough. 

Wooyoung watched with a wistful eye as Mingi exited the car, walking around so he could help San out and sling an arm around to help him walk over to the entrance. Wooyoung had just about turned away when a voice reached his ears, "Wooyoung?" 

_San._

He turned, catching the other man's eye through the rolled down window, "Yeah?" 

San had broken free of Mingi's grasp, and he was limping towards the car. Mingi made no move to stop him, even as San winced at the pain, finally reaching Wooyoung's side. 

Wooyoung gripped the handle to exit the car, but was stopped in his tracks by a hand gripping his jaw, pulling him up for a gentle but lingering kiss on the cheek. Wooyoung felt like he'd been electrocuted, and he didn't want San's lips to leave his skin, entranced by the feeling.

It should have been weird. It should have been awkward.

But it wasn't. 

Wooyoung's face was turned sideways in San's hand to look up at him, and in his eyes swam an emotion that Wooyoung couldn't pin. "Thank you, Wooyoung." He didn't say for what, but Wooyoung knew. 

Then he felt even more shocked when both of San's hands reached into the car to pull him into a loose embrace with his arms around Wooyoung's neck. Wooyoung didn't reciprocate. He suddenly felt like Yeosang's eyes were boring holes into him from behind. His face burned, and San finally let go, stepping back to retract his arms and drop them by his sides, "Bye." 

Wooyoung inhaled, "Bye." 

San waved at him as Yeosang started the car, Mingi with his wide smile right behind him, "Thanks again. Come by sometime." 

Wooyoung nodded dumbly as the car pulled out of the area, picking up speed slowly until Mingi and San were barely specks in the background. 

Wooyoung touched his cheek where San's lips had just been, brushing softly over the skin till he felt tingles. He felt Yeosang's gaze stray towards him, and he knew that a conversation was imminent. One that would definitely involve a confrontation, a command and a scolding, not necessarily in that order. 

Wooyoung blinked when he felt his eyes become a little wet. It was probably just tiredness, he told himself. He hadn't slept in over twenty four hours, and it was getting to him. That's right, tiredness was the only possible explanation.

"Wooyoung?" 

He didn't respond, and Yeosang took it as a cue to continue, "Can we talk?" 

He didn't want to. He really didn't want to. He just wanted to collapse in his bed, and sleep it all away. He wanted to get into comfortable clothes, eat his comfort food, kimchi fried rice, and fall asleep in his own comfy bed with his favourite blanket. 

Hopefully, he could lock his mind out of the house so it wouldn't disturb him while he rested his body. 

Yeosang thankfully understood his silence, and nodded, "Okay. Tomorrow. Just… Don't leave me hanging, okay?" Wooyoung nodded, nails digging into his own palms to distract himself from his own thoughts.

The rest of the ride was completely silent, save for Yeosang's occasional yawns and Wooyoung's deep breaths. Once they reached Wooyoung's apartment, Yeosang let him go with a hug, his cheek pressing against Wooyoung's shoulder, "Take care, buddy. I'll see you tomorrow." 

Wooyoung nodded,and got out of the car, walking to his door to unlock it wordlessly. He looked behind him to see Yeosang driving away, and opened the door to his apartment, walking in dazedly and shutting the door behind him, making it to his bedroom 

Once he was inside, he pulled his clothes off immediately, almost desperately needing to be in one of his comfortable loose shirts that he wore to bed. Once he was dressed in a huge shirt and fresh underwear, he collapsed onto the bed, face planting into the pillow with his hair falling around his head in a dark halo. 

He took a deep breath, two, three and then he felt his cheeks become wet. He was crying, and he didn't even know why. 

He wasn't a hormonal teenager anymore, he was a fully grown adult who should be in control of himself. Except he doesn't really feel like one when the tears don't stop, wetting his pillowcase. He's still exhausted though, completely fatigued as his raging emotions became the medium for him to sink into a deep sleep, cheeks wet and eyelashes shining with unshed tears. 

***** 

"Wooyoung?" The familiar voice cut into the silence, as Yeosang stepped in through the unlocked door, "Oh, good. You're here." 

Wooyoung looked up from the book he was reading, placing it down next to him as Yeosang collapsed on the couch beside him, "Hey Yeosang." 

Yeosang nodded, "Spill," was all he said, but he made it clear enough what he was referring to. After all, there was only one big thing that Yeosang would want him to 'spill' about.

Wooyoung sighed, "Where should I even start?" 

"How about the fact that you slept with this guy, who has sex for money, _paid him_ that money, and then took care of him when he was hurt like he's your boyfriend or something?" He counted off the events on his fingers, looking pointedly at Wooyoung. The latter sputtered, adjusting the round glasses perched on his nose, "He's- he's not my _boyfriend_!"

"That's what you got from that?"

"Well, um...no. It's just- "

"Just what, Wooyoung?" Yeosang placed a hand on his shoulder, and Wooyoung stared at it, doing all he could to avoid the man's piercing gaze, "Look, Young-ah, why didn't you mention this guy at all before? Where did you meet him anyway, did he like pick you up at a club or something?"

God, Wooyoung wished that were true. Then he wouldn't have to have gone through any of this crap. He could've just had a fun night and called it quits.

"Yeosang... I- I've been keeping something from you," Wooyoung licked his lips. It was now or never, "I didn't actually just happen to meet San somewhere, and he didn't just _ask_ if he could have sex with me."

Yeosang raised an eyebrow, "Then what actually happened?"

"It's...I hired him. Online, on this- this website, I don't know. But yeah. That's what happened." Yeosang seemed absolutely perplexed, but Wooyoung couldn't blame him. He hadn't even explained the true reason behind all of this yet.

Wooyoung inhaled, "I actually...hired San to take my virginity."

Yeosang's hand dropped from his shoulder abruptly, "You're kidding."

"I wish I was."

"Is that why you never mentioned- oh my god, _Wooyoung!_ " Yeosang seemed to be having a series of realisations all at once, and Wooyoung let him process the information for a while before he cut in, "I'm sorry, Yeosang-ah, I was emabarassed. I didn't really tell anyone about this. You have to understand where I'm coming from, I-"

"Wooyoung, how could you just _do_ that?" Yeosang didn't seem angry, but more shocked than anything else, his eyebrows furrowed in an expression that Wooyoung didn't see too often.

Yeosang took a deep breath, placing one hand on his forehead, "Okay...okay, so you _did_ do that. Fine. You're crazy. Okay. Um...so is that it?"

"Is what it?"

"You know, you slept with him, it was great and all...wait, was it good at all?" Wooyoung blushed at the personal question, but he knew exactly what his answer was anyway. He almost sighed wistfully like a teenager but caught himself just in time, biting his lip before answering, "It was amazing, actually."

"Oh...that's good, but it was just that one time right? Like you didn't sleep with him again?"

"No, I told you. I just saw him for the second time at that club, and he insisted on giving me a lapdance." Yeosang flashed a smirk that Wooyoung chose to ignore and then looked him straight in the eye, "And what about yesterday?"

"What about it?"

"You know, he kissed you all sweetly and then be hugged you and then you turned red, and-"

"I don't need a line-by-line account of the events, Yeosang-ah, I was there. And also, that was nothing. He was just being nice because I helped. And I paid because neither of them have that kind of money, clearly. So yeah, he was just thanking me. It was really nothing" 

Yeosang nodded, "Okay, one last question, and I can tell you for sure whether it was 'nothing' or not."

Wooyoung fell into Yeosang's lap with his head on the other man's thigh, looking up at the ceiling, "How could you tell me anything? You don't even know him. Heck, even I don't know him."

"True, but I do know a few things about prostitutes, and this will tell me for sure what I need to know," his hand naturally slipped into Wooyoung's dark hair, brushing through it. It was a little wavy because he'd washed it that morning. "Wooyoung, did he kiss you on the mouth or not? Like at all?"

Wooyoung jerked in shock, almost falling off Yeosang's lap, " _What the hell dude?!_ "

Yeosang sighed exasperatedly, rolling his eyes, "Just answer the question, and if it's the answer I think it is, then I'll tell you why I asked in the first place."

Wooyoung just gave up. There was no point in trying to argue with Yeosang anyway, he would eventually get everything out of him, "Um...yeah, yeah he did. A lot, actually."

Yeosang chuckled, his usually deep voice contrasting with his high-pitched giggles, "That's what I thought. Let me tell you something about prostitutes, dear Wooyoungie."

Wooyoung rolled over, placing his head on his crossed forearms, "Hmm?"

"Most of them, including your dear San, has a 'no kissing on the lips' rule, did you know that?" Wooyoung's expression morphed into one of confusion, "That's absurd, and how would you even know that about San?"

"Well it's true, and I heard San say it himself."

"When did you-"

"Just let me talk," Wooyoung kept his mouth shut after that, "It was on Friday night at the club. I don't remember much because I was pretty drunk, but I can say that I am one hundred per cent sure I saw San sitting on some guy's lap and telling him off when the guy tried to kiss him. And I quote, 'I don't let anyone kiss me, sweetheart. I might be going home with you, but that doesn't mean you can dictate.'"

It did sound an awful lot like San, Wooyoung thought, but did he really say he wouldn't let anyone kiss him? That was weird. Wooyoung clearly remembered that San had kissed him first that night when they'd slept together, and he said as much. Yeosang's only response was a sudden burst of laughter and a knowing grin afterwards. Although Wooyoung wasn't sure exactly _what_ it was that Yeosang knew, he was sure that it wasn't a good thing.

"Well, maybe, he kisses people who hire him, because he's-"

He never got to finish that sentence though, because Yeosang's phone rang loudly and Wooyoung managed to catch Hongjoong's name on the screen before it was answered, "Hyung?"

Yeosang put the phone on speaker so that Wooyoung could listen in too, "Hey, Yeosang, what happened yesterday? I heard Wooyoung took off with this guy in an ambulance?"

"Oh, Wooyoung is here, hyung, talk to him." Wooyoung made his presence known with a loud "hi!" and went on to answer Hongjoong's question, "Everything's okay now, hyung. Some guy I knew there got hurt, and he had to get stitches so I went with him and his friend to the hospital and stayed there till he was okay."

"Oh, you're so sweet, Wooyoungie. Whoever ends up with you is a lucky man," that was clearly Seonghwa's voice, and Yeosang cut in before Wooyoung could reply, "Wooyoung is the _d_ _evil_ , Seonghwa-hyung. You just don't know him well enough." A chuckle followed on the other line before it was passed over to Hongjoong again. This time, Wooyoung spoke, "Thanks for taking care of Yeosangie that night, hyung. I owe you one."

"Heck yeah you do. I had to take care of two drunk babies, one of whom wouldn't stop kissing me in the cab. _Oh my god, Seonghwa, not now, stop it-_ " Yeosang hung up the call before he heard anything any more scandalizing and faked gagging, throwing the phone on the other side of the couch, " _God_ , they're disgusting."

Wooyoung chuckled, rolling to sit up, "I think it's cute."

"Say that again when you see them _necking_ in front of you like they have no shame, my god, the poor cab driver. He would probably much rather have dealt with a murderer in the car than that." Yeosang's face had disgust written all over it, as he slung an arm around the back of the couch casually, expression eventually going back to it's usual nothingness. Yes, Yeosang had a natural poker-face, and it was about as perfect as one could get.

"Anyway, Wooyoung-ah. You are officially off the hook for not telling me this stuff before, but if this happens again, I will kill you," Wooyoung knew that Yeosang was probably capable of killing him, and he could even get away with it if he tried, so he nodded, resting his feet on the coffee table in front of them and crossing his legs, "Understood."

"Good."

They watched the second Avengers movie after that. 

*****  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think happens next? ;) What do you think that kiss was about?  
> Let me know in the comments!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back! I know this is quick update, but I was just too excited lol. Thank you guys for all the positive comments on this story, they really motivate me like crazy! 
> 
> Anyway, most of this chapter is a get-to-know-Wooyoung chapter, and I hope you like it! There's not much dialogue in here, and a lot of reminiscing and stuff. 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

The weekend had been one of the most exhausting periods in Wooyoung's entire life. Friday had entailed him seeing San for the second time, the latter getting injured and going to the hospital. Then it was Saturday, because they'd gotten there past midnight. Saturday had been getting everyone home safe, and collapsing on his bed and sleeping through the day, until dinner, which was the only meal he'd eaten that day. Sunday had been spent in Yeosang's company, which was quite pleasant save for the conversation they'd had first. But after that, it was great.

And now it was Monday, and Wooyoung really felt like he needed a reality check, because who allowed him to postpone so much work in favour of being lazy with Yeosang?

He had to upload a video on YouTube within the next three days, of this choreography he and Yunho were working on, and they were just about halfway through it. He also had classes to teach in the evenings, and he had to take over one of Yunho's shifts on Wednesday, because apparently he had to meet his mom who was coming to Seoul. So that made one extra hour of slaving away with kids who were extremely loud and extremely whiny. Not that he didn't love them to bits. He did. But they were just _too much_ sometimes.

It was Monday morning, and he was on his way to KQ entertainment's dance studio in Seoul, where he and Yunho were hired as dance instructors. They didn't particularly have ties to the company as such, considering the fact that they trained idols, and Wooyoung and Yunho were just dancers, but they did have a contract with KQ that stated that they could use that particular studio as they wished, if they coached some of their trainees to perfection. Ina way, the studio was really theirs and not KQ's.

They had freedom to use it during the morning hours, it any other time that it was free, until five pm, when the trainees who were still in school returned and would be sent for their dance classes. Thankfully, both Wooyoung and Yunho were well-versed in k-pop choreographies, and didn't have much of a problem training kids who were working to be idols in the future.

Wooyoung reached the studio right on time, at nine am, and noticed Yunho with his bright turquoise hair driving up just then. They parked their cars next to each other in the parking lot and got out, greeting each other excitedly and immediately launching into conversation about their plans for the day, "Wooyoung-ah, I tried developing our choreo some more over the weekend, and I have some ideas, what about you?"

"I've sort of had a busy weekend, but I think I can stay here late today and work on it. It's okay if you can't, we should just plan on being done with it tomorrow." The song they had chosen was 'Lost' by BTS, which both of them felt was a wonderful song and deserved more recognition, hence, a choreography.

They had their own YouTube channel, '2Jung', and they had quite a fan-following online, having been quite active over the past year since they'd established their ties with KQ. They posted under their own name, of course, and not KQ's.

Yunho had started off as Wooyoung's childhood friend in dance class. Their parents had met and hit it off, and then they'd both been enrolled in the same performing arts school. During their second year, they'd made a partnership and decided to perform as a duo as both of them wanted to pursue dance as a full-time career. The two of them studied performance arts even in college, earning degrees in dance. Then, Yunho had decided to move to Seoul, for more opportunity as a performer, and Wooyoung had followed him there.

Their parents had paid for their living expenses at first, till they both had jobs stable enough to find their own places. Yunho lived with his roommate, Jongho, who Wooyoung thought was too precious for this world, and Wooyoung himself had managed to get a pretty decent place by himself, after having juggled two jobs a day for a while, until the opportunity with KQ had shown up and they'd both given that their complete attention.

They had started with a small YouTube channel, which had caused KQ entertainment to notice and contact them, calling them in for a meeting where regulations and conditions were established and a good deal was made.

All in all, Wooyoung's life was pretty good.

Yunho and he spent about ten minutes in setting the room up, arranging the place with chairs that they would be using as props and turning on the speakers, lights and air-con.

Once everything was in place, Yunho counted down and played the music, him and Wooyoung getting into position on the floor to start.  
  
  


_Lost my way_

Had Wooyoung lost his way?

He'd thought it to be clear enough when he and Yunho had first moved to Seoul, but he wasn't so sure anymore.

He loved dancing, he lived for performing, but really, how long had it even been since he'd last been on stage?

Almost a year.

That's right. He was more of a teacher now than a performer, he supposes, and that wasn't what he wanted, but it was what he got. Yunho seemed to be loving it, reveling in the attention he got from the trainees who looked up to him so much. But Wooyoung....sometimes he just wanted to be on stage, and not cooped up in a studio with a camera and some students.

They'd performed a lot together as dancers along with their institute, they'd taken part in many a competition and won several of them, and that was rush that Wooyoung missed. The rush of winning, of being first.

There was nothing like it.

Yeosang had come to see him and Yunho perform when they'd won at a competition and gained the chance to open for Red Velvet. That moment, with thousands of people looking at them as they swayed and twirled and moved on the stage, was the most exhilarating thing Wooyoung had ever experienced. He didn't know if he would ever have that feeling again, but that feeling was what he'd followed, that path he weaved, that he'd moved to Seoul for.

He wanted to perform. So badly.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Yunho sat heavily on the floor, clutching a water bottle, "Wooyoung-ah, why don't you work on that last courts and I'll complete the bridge?"

At least he could dance. Maybe the performance element wasn't very frequent in his log, but dancing and letting go of everything still was, and that was what his dreams were made of, right? Dance.

Dance made him free, it made him happy, and maybe that was just what Wooyoung needed right now. Just....dancing, without worrying about getting paid, or performing, or building a career. All he had to do was let loose and dance.

So he did.

He got up from beside Yunho and stood, running a hand through his hair before straightening his t shirt and playing the music from the bridge leading into the final part. He tried new moves, old moves, contemporary, modern, and all genres he had dabbled in, to fit in with the music like he was made for it.

Finally, after the work of a few hours and a quick lunch at a restaurant nearby, they were done by four. They crafted something that was smooth, flowing from one move to the next, one line of the song to the next like water over a slope.

Yunho himself moved like water, Wooyoung noticed. He was graceful, despite his long stature and limbs that suggested that he would be clumsy. However, he never missed a single step, gliding from one to another without hassle. Wooyoung had a more clean-cut style, and both Wooyoung and Yunho were good at both hip-hop and strong styles, as well as graceful, contemporary styles. It gave them the ability to try new things.

"Yunho, let's take a break till the kids come. They should be here soon. What do you say we film this choreo tomorrow, and then we can post it?"

Yunho nodded, sinking down on the floor in a tired heap, "Sure, I'm too tired now anyway, and we can't be like this when the kids arrive. We'll meet here at the same time tomorrow morning and film our video. Wear somn' pretty, okay?" Wooyoung giggled. They'd already decided to go simple and just wear black and white, but Yunho still said that everytime. It was cute.

They flowed in and out of simple conversation for the rest of the hour as they waited for the trainees to show up at five. Yunho asked him about Yeosang's well-being and Wooyoung enquired Jongho's, learning that the kid was as buff as ever and still breaking fruits apart with his bare hands.

Yes, this was a talent of his, and never failed to impress anyone who was a witness to it, no matter how many times he saw it. It was honestly terrifying that someone who was so cute and lovable on the outside could crush apples with his hands. Complete gym rat, he was.

They giggled and laughed liked lids, recalling old memories and teasing each other as they waited.

The trainees showed up on time, at five, and they jumped right into coaching them, Yunho slipping into his role as a mentor and teacher naturally, as he corrected and encouraged them gently.

God, the guy would be a good father.

Wooyoung snapped out of it and adjusted one of the girls' arms, telling her how she was wrong and what she should correct.

Well, he did have to do his job well.

*****

He spent the rest of the week drowning in his work, slipping from one choreography to the next, until his limbs were tired and begging for rest every night, only to be put through the same treatment the next day.

It was great.

A distraction was just what he needed to guide his mind away from Choi San, and it worked, as the other man hadn't even shown up in thoughts the whole week, except that one time he'd gone to Hongjoong and Seonghwa's place and he'd been interrogated by them, and the topic had naturally strayed to San.

Anyway, it wasn't like he could just forget about San, considering the fact that he'd taken up two whole nights of his life, and both of those nights and been the result of his craziest decisions in forever.

And then there was his mom.

His mom simply wouldn't stop trying to get him to settle down, as everytime she called, or he called, the topic would inevitably come to, "Are you seeing anyone, Wooyoungie?" At least she knew he was gay, so there wasn't much trouble there, but it was still annoying that she reminded him everytime they talked, that he was twenty five years old and hadn't found love yet. Maybe he didn't need love in his life, but his mom didn't seem to get that. She'd even tried to set him up once, saying that she knew someone whose son was also looking.

He'd just rather be alone, to be honest. He was doing fine on his own. It wasn't like he didn't have love. He had his family supporting him from back in Ilsan, and in Seoul he had Yunho, Yeosang, Hongjoong, Jongho, and now Seonghwa too, as the older seemed to have taken him under his wing in a sort of mother-hen move, automatically labelling him as the 'favourite child' and Yeosang as the 'mistake', much to his irritation.

Wooyoung had been in relationships before, yes. One of them had even survived a one-year anniversary, and Wooyoung was pretty much ready to go all the way with the guy, but then he'd caught him with a girl in bed when Wooyoung had gone over to surprise him, and that was the end of it. He'd walked out of there even as the guy begged him to stay, going straight to Yeosang's and falling into his arms with a sob.

So yeah, that was the end of his only long-term relationship. He'd had others, that lasted maybe a month or two at most, always getting bored of the monotony and lack of anything other than soft kisses and simple dates. He really just wanted someone who would be like a best friend to him, who would take care of him and give him affection, but also someone who would make his insides churn with excitement and his toes curl in anticipation. He had never gotten both.

He'd never had a taste of _crazy,_ and perhaps that was exactly what was missing in all of his relationships. They were always nice, simple, domestic, but it wasn't what he _wanted_. He wanted to be dragged into an abyss of the unknown, thrown from a cliff and be pulled back by his lover, teetering on the edge of madness. Dates to the movies and dinner at home with blankets was always sweet, but it wasn't the same as absolute spontaneity, landing up in the middle of nowhere with hands held and hearts free.

Yeah, it was a little too much to wish for, he knew that, so he would probably settle for what he got anyways, but there would always be that little part of him that craved insanity.

He was really a piece of work, huh? It would take a lot to crack through him.

Well, it didn't mean he couldn't dream.  
  


It was Thursday, halfway through the week, and Wooyoung had just gotten home from the studio, sinking into the couch and grabbing his phone to order for dinner. He was way too lazy to make the effort to get up and actually cook for himself, and besides he had no idea what ingredients existed in his kitchen, and whether the mess of things would even be enough to make one proper dish besides ramyeon.

He ordered kimchi jiggae and a strawberry milkshake, deciding to keep instant rice in the microwave instead of ordering that too, and scrolled through memes in the meantime, giggling away at SpongeBob and Teletubbies. Yes, he was a child trapped in a man's body.

The food arrived soon enough, and once he had eaten and cleaned the dishes, he decided that a hot shower was in order, to calm his tired limbs and get rid of the stiffness of his back. He turned on the hot water and stripped himself of his clothes, humming absent-mindedly as he stepped into the shower and turned it on, the temperature of the water calming and warm. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

What if he dyed it? Yeosang had always been asking if he could dye his hair for him. Perhaps he should. He grinned to himself. That would be a nice change from the plain black, perhaps he couldn't pull off a bold colour like Mingi, but he might be able to handle something simpler. He decided he would ask Yeosang about it the next day.

He finished his shower, towelling himself dry and stepping out to dress in an old t shirt and a pair of extremely short shorts, falling on his bed in a heap. He grabbed his phone, setting an alarm for the next day, and fell asleep in a matter of minutes, dreaming of his mom and dad and Ilsan.

*****

"Wow."

"I know, right?"

"That's like, really great."

"I _know_ , right?"

Wooyoung turned both ways, staring at himself in Yeosang's mirror as he ran a hand through his newly dyed hair. It was an ashy, silvery blonde now, framing his face and showing off his forehead. Yeosang had really outdone himself this time. Hongjoong popped up from behind Yeosang, petting his head although he was shorter, "Wow, Wooyoung looks great."

Yeosang grinned, "Thank you."

"It's like drool-worthy."

Wooyoung knew that all this was probably just serving to inflate Yeosang's already huge ego, but honestly, he deserved the praise, because he'd completely changed Wooyoung's appearance by changing his hair colour and style.

It was totally worth being late for his lunch with Yunho. They didn't have any work in the morning for that day, so they decided they'd go out together for lunch, and then Wooyoung would head to the studio at five for his shift, followed by Yunho's at seven.

Well, all he'd told Yunho is that he would meet him at the restaurant at one for lunch. It was almost quarter to one, and Wooyoung should've already left if he had to be on time, but it was okay, because this was worth it.

He turned, sporting a wide grin, and tackled Yeosang in a boisterous hug, falling onto his bed, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, you're the best!" He yelled, gripping the other man rightly in his arms. Hongjoong was also wearing a similar grin, as the three of them were gathered in Yeosang's room. Yeosang didn't have work that day so he agreed to go out with Hongjoong because Seonghwa was busy, and he decided that he would spend a while on Wooyoung's hair first.

Wooyoung got up and helped Yeosang up as well, and the two of them dusted themselves off before Wooyoung grabbed his things and said goodbye, leaving the house with a final grin and thanks.

He strolled down the driveway happily, humming to himself before he got in his car and turned the key, driving to where he said he'd meet Yunho.

Once he was outside the place, he could already spot Yunho's bright head of hair hunched over a menu. He slipped in cheerily, beelining straight to where his friend was seated and greeting him with a bright "Hey!"

Yunho looked up and his mouth fell open, eyebrows disappearing behind his hair, "Wooyoung, you're late- Oh my god, you look great! When did that happen?"

"Literally just now," Wooyoung sat down in front of him, "Yeosangie did it for me, I told him I wanted a change."

"Nice, it looks hot. You should've done it before we posted our cover of Lost on Tuesday, the comments would've been great." Wooyoung chuckled, eyes crinkling at the corners, "Thanks."

A second of silence passed between them, as the two of them studied the menus. They ordered, and while they ate, chatted aimlessly about everything and nothing like the best friends they were.

After the meal, Wooyoung left to go to the studio and Yunho headed home. Wooyoung decided he would work on his solo project for a while, and plugged his phone into the sound system, drowning into the noise as he did his stretches.

Now all he had to do was lose himself to the music.  
  


After a few hours spent in completely 'surrendering to sound', as his dance instructor in school used to call it (yes, it's cheesy and cringey, he knows) he leaned back against the wall, fanning himself as he decreased the temperature of the air conditioner.

Decreasing the temperature when he was sweating was probably not the best idea, and it might give him a cold, but he couldn't help it, he was feeling so hot and the next best thing after completely abandoning his shirt was this. He definitely couldn't have taken his shirt off because he was expecting several eleven and twelve year olds to walk in soon, so cooling himself off it was.

He checked his watch for the time, noted that he had about half an hour till five pm, and he decided to do some more stretching to warm his body down after all the dancing. Stretching after a routine is as necessary as doing it before, because if you didnt, you were basically just telling your body to deal with the pain later, and it would last for longer.

This was the advice he gave all his students, although he wasn't sure whether they were actually listening to him, because they complained about their arms and legs hurting more often than he did, and he danced for four, five hours a day while they barely managed to get through two.

It could also just be because he was experienced though, that he didn't feel like anything hurt after getting through a two-hour session.

Yeah, he'd been dancing since he was four year old, so now it had been twenty one years since his life as a dancer began. At first, believe it or not, he'd actually hated going to dance classes, because there were always more girls than boys, and as a kid, he'd been quite short, shorter than most girls, which had also led to a lot of teasing. The teasing he could deal with, but he actually didn't like going to dance class because he'd thought he could never dance.

That's right. He hadn't been one of those kids that could dance effortlessly, like it came naturally for them. No. He'd had two left feet, and was one of the most uncoordinated kids in that class. He was ridiculed for his technique, and scolded by the teachers as well. After a while, he was just continuing his classes for his mom's sake, because she wanted him to.

It had actually been the day he met Yunho that he'd started to like dancing.

Yunho was this bright little six year old boy, taller than anyone else his age, and he bounded into class holding his mother's hand, excited about everything around him. He greeted the others with a deep bow and a happy smile, announcing his name and age proudly and declaring that he would do his best.

He'd caught up with the others in no time, and was quickly labelled the favourite student. But he wasn't one of those favourite students that everyone hated, no, he was bubbly and bright and friendly, and everyone in that class looked up to him, including Wooyoung.

Because suddenly, here was someone, who didn't make fun of his abilities, who didn't berate him, and who even helped him when he was not able to do a particular move. Yunho had quickly warmed up to him, and Wooyoung wanted nothing but to be exactly like him, happy and vivacious at all times.

From that day, he looked forward to going to dance class.

Yunho and he had become fast friends, and naturally, that had led to their parents meeting, and soon enough, they were attached the hip, till you couldn't see one without the other.

They'd attended different elementary schools, but from middle school onwards, they were together for their whole lives, until now, when they were both twenty five years old. That made nineteen years of friendship. They were pretty much brothers at this point.

Yunho had motivated him, and brought out his love for dancing, always encouraging him to be a better version of himself. He'd practiced after classes with Yunho, and the boy had told him exactly what he was doing wrong, guiding him until he was perfect.

He sighed, remembering the times when they used to stay up late and talk on the phone even on school nights, whispering so that their parents wouldn't hear them. His face cracked into a smile at the memory, as he stretched his arms above his head and then bent to touch the floor gracefully.

He dropped to the floor once he was done, sitting with his back against the wall, facing the mirror as he scrolled through his phone.

A commotion outside signalled that he wasn't alone anymore, and a natural smile erupted when the kids started bustling in, talking and chatting excitedly with each other. He remembered being like them, when life was simpler.

He stood up, walking to the front, "Okay!" They quietened down at his loud remark, automatically filing into their usual positions with the shorter ones at the front and the taller ones at the back, "How about we start with your usual stretches? Jaeho, come forward."

And so, the class went on, filled with laughter and smiles and loud ruckus, but it was amazing. Wooyoung loved the atmosphere, and completely forgot about the feeling he'd had a few days back about missing the stage.

No, this was beautiful, seeing his kids, his little ones all happy and tired and sweaty after dancing and working their bodies tirelessly for two whole hours.

Yeah, he would do this his whole life, he didn't mind. The rush of performing was something he missed, yes, but seeing happy smiles on the faces of the kids was a different kind of rush altogether, one that made him want to smile and laugh with them too. It couldn't be compared to performing, it was two different sides of the same coin. It brought him equal joy, but in different ways, he realized.

The session was over faster than he would've liked, and he was saying bye to all the trainees who were linking hands and walking out of the doors in little groups of two and three, already chatting away before they'd even left the building.

Yunho arrived just then, sauntering in with a skip in his step, and Wooyoung greeted him with a fist. "Hey, how was your class? They behaved well today?" Wooyoung smiled widely, "They're angels, Yunho-yah. Honestly, they're so cute but they're growing so fast. They learn well."

Yunho chuckled, "I'm glad you think that way, dad." Wooyoung punched him lightly on the arm, "Shut up, you have that feeling with your kids too."

They heard a noise outside and noticed that the second batch of trainees from KQ were arriving. This was Yunho's class, and that was Wooyoung's cue to leave for the night. He left the taller man with a quick hug and a wave, promising to text him the next day. They didn't have to teach on the weekends, as the trainees had other things to do at the company, and Wooyoung and Yunho were given those two days off, some of which they decided to spend at the studio, but most of the time, they would hang out with their friends or do something fun like clubbing.

Wooyoung got into his car, plugging in his favourite playlist and bobbing his head along to the songs as he drove home. He sang along happily, letting his voice drift through the inside of the car. He'd been told he had a nice voice, but he'd never put it to any use beyond his shower and his car, and maybe a few times while he was drunk with his friends.

He reached home soon, parking his car in its usual spot and walking towards the door. He slipped the key in the door and had a serious moment of panic when it didn't open, but then hit himself on the head when he noticed that he'd slipped his car key into the lock. Laughing at his own stupidity, Wooyoung switched the key for the real one, turning it in the lock before throwing the door open.

Just as he entered the house, rain started to fall around him, a light drizzle transforming rapidly into a downpour. By the time he was in his kitchen, washing the water bottle that he'd taken with him, the sky was completely black, shrouded by dark, heavy clouds that meant that it was going to be a rough night. He grabbed the cold pizza he'd left in the fridge for himself earlier and ate, finishing up with hot coffee, thanks to the coffee machine that he had.

He sent a quick text to Yunho telling him to get home safe and make sure that all the trainees did too, before jogging to his bedroom and jump-sitting on the bed.

He inhaled, and then exhaled, mentally congratulating himself on a perfectly smooth week where he'd completed a lot of work and he'd even had some fun, having changed his hair from black to blonde, sporting a bold style. And now, he could have a relaxed weekend, unlike the previous one which he'd spent running around for San.

He wondered how San was, and whether his leg had healed fully. He had had another appointment for Thursday to get his stitches removed, and he'd probably gone and gotten that done already.

Of course, it was normal that San was a part of his thoughts, considering the fact that he was only concerned for the man's well-being, because, well...he was being nice. He didn't know exactly why he was trying to justify his thoughts to himself, but it seemed like he should, considering the direction they were headed in, so he did.

His mind strayed further back, to that day when he'd hired San. Was it really a mistake? Yeosang had seemed absolutely scandalized when he'd told him, but that was just shock, right? Right. It was just because he was shocked.

Plus, Wooyoung didn't see how he could call it a mistake when it was one of the greatest nights of his life.

Too much?

_Yes._

Wooyoung turned over in his bed, falling face-first into the pillow. He blushed at the memory of San, letting his thoughts wander.

There was really no harm in imagination, was there?

Yeah, and the next time Wooyoung had sex, he would probably forget all about San...right?

_Right._

Suddenly, a loud sound jerked him out of his thoughts of pretty dimples and cat-like, seductive eyes.

Was someone...ringing his doorbell?

That was extremely weird. Who would show up unannounced at his house in the night, and in the middle of a storm? Plus, it was past ten pm, so that means it was past any time his friends might show up. But even they wouldn't be stupid enough to go out during such heavy rain.

He scrambled out of bed, messing up the sheets in his hurry to get to the door. He was at least wearing enough clothes to answer the door, having slipped on a sweater for the cold before getting into bed.

He reached the door, turning the handle and pulling inwards.

A dark figure stood outside, face masked by the black hoodie the person was wearing. Whoever it was, was clearly shivering from the cold, arms wrapped tightly around themself.

"Hi, can I-" Wooyoung started, but stopped abruptly when the man outside raised his head, meeting Wooyoung's eyes, "S- San?"

San seemed different from usual, the little twinkle that he remembered in his eyes was missing, as he shook from the cold, soaking wet and dripping water onto Wooyoung's welcome mat. 

"Hey, Wooyoung. Um...can I- can I come in?"

*****  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUNNNNNN....
> 
> So.... What do think this means? Let me know in the comments! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back!!
> 
> So...what did happen that night? Read and find out!! 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

"Hey, Wooyoung. Um...can I- can I come in?"

Wooyoung opened the door mutely, stepping back to allow San to enter. The latter's head was still bent, and he was almost curled into himself defensively, arms wrapped around his own waist in a sort of self-hug. He was dripping wet, creating stains on his floor, but Wooyoung didn't care, motioning for San to sit on the dining chair that would be easier to clean than the couch.

He sat gingerly, still shivering from the cold, and Wooyoung took a quick second to turn up the thermostat before he approached San again. He was looking down at his feet, where he still wore shoes. Wooyoung tried to say something, maybe suggest that San change out his wet clothes, but he was cut off when San abruptly raised his head to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"What?"

"I'm sorry I came here. I just didn't- I don't know anyone else and Mingi is out of town and...I can't be alone right now." Wooyoung knelt in front of San, and he noticed that silent tears were leaking from his eyes. That's when he realized that San wasn't hugging himself and shivering from the cold, he was literally trembling from the sobs wracking his body.

Wooyoung had the sudden urge to hug him, but didn't, instead choosing a safer option, "Sannie, would you let me change your shirt and pants? You're completely wet and you might get sick," his voice was gentle, as if he were addressing a child, and he watched as San nodded, taking deep breaths that didn't do much for his endless tears.

He pushed San's hood back, uncovering his face, trembling lips and eyes shining with sorrow making Wooyoung's heart do flips in his chest. He told himself that it was because of sympathy, but he knew he was just kidding himself. Over the past two weeks, he'd somehow developed a soft spot for the slightly taller man, and seeing him in such a state was despairing, to say the least.

Wooyoung left for a moment to grab one of his comfy t shirts and a pair of pants and returned to where San was still sitting, silent tears leaking down his face. Wooyoung assumed that if he hadn't stopped crying even now, whatever had happened to trigger his tears had probably been a pretty big thing, and it was clearly hurting him a lot. He wasn't sure whether San was willing to divulge that particular piece of information at once or not, so for now, he decided that he would focus on getting San out of his wet clothes and into a fresh, warm t shirt and sweatpants.

His hand brushed San's bare waist as he attempted to lift the hoodie he was wearing and San visibly flinched, shying away from his touch. Wooyoung retracted his hand at once, "Would you rather change by yourself?" San nodded, and Wooyoung's heart broke for him. He turned to prepare a hot cup of tea for the man, giving him privacy while he changed.

He didn't know why San was suddenly so sensitive, considering the fact that Wooyoung had already seen all there was to see, but he didn't question it. Maybe he was just jittery.

He poured the tea into a cup and turned around to see San pulling the loose grey shirt down over his stomach, but just before he did, Wooyoung caught a flash of red. Blood? Didn't seem like it though, it would've stained the shirt by now. No, it was probably bruised.

Wooyoung gasped, setting the cup down on the counter before he rushed to San's side, kneeling in front of him again, "San, are you hurt?" San shut his eyes tightly, and another tear leaked out, "Ye- yeah, but don't worry, please. I didn't come here because I was hurt." Wooyoung didn't care, "Can you show me where you're hurt? Maybe I can help."

San shook his head defiantly, and Wooyoung assumed he probably wasn't in the mood to talk. Maybe after he drank something hot and got a little settled in, he could try and worm it out of him. Yes, 'settled in' was right. He was definitely not going to the let the man go back alone to that shady club in the middle of a downpour. No, at the very least he would insist that San stayed until the rain died down.

He handed the cup to San, watching as the other man mumbled a "thank you" before sipping it slowly. It was empty soon enough, and Wooyoung placed it in the sink, not bothering to wash it, and he extended a hand to San, "Let's go to the living room. You can put your wet clothes in the tub, and then we'll talk, okay?" He knew he wasn't giving him much of a choice, but Wooyoung really had to know why San was in such a state, so that he could at least try to help him.

San sat down on the couch next to Wooyoung, sinking down slowly as if it hurt him to sit. Wooyoung gave him a second of silence before speaking, "San, what happened to you?" San had stopped crying now, but his lips were still pressed tightly together and there were tear tracks on his cheeks, not to mention his eyes that were still clearly red and puffy.

San looked at him, "You changed your hair." That was definitely not what he'd been expecting, but he nodded, "I did. I thought a change would be nice." San bit his lip, "It is."

This was weird. He didn't like the way he felt nervous about San's opinion. It shouldn't matter. He quickly directed the topic away from his hair and back to the matter at hand, "San, would you please just tell me what made you like this?"

San cracked a feeble smile, "Guess I have to, you deserve a reason as to why I showed up here in the rain, I'm probably troubling you so much right now," Wooyoung shot him a pointed look that said "get on with it" and he continued, "Anyway, um...it was..." He mumbled something that Wooyoung couldn't quite catch, and he placed a tentative hand on San's shoulder, "Yeah?"

"It was a client." Wooyoung was shocked, and his hand fell from San's shoulder, "A client...hurt you?"

"You could say that."

"What?"

San inhaled visibly, "I was at the club as usual, you know. Some guy forced me to a hotel without my consent, and he-" San's voice cracked, and he cleared his throat, "He raped me."

Wooyoung froze.

He felt his entire body fill with rage and contempt at the thought that someone had touched San like that, against his will, "He _what_?!" San nodded, "He was really... rough, more than my body could take, and I tried-" he was crying again, "I tried to stop him, but he- he gagged me and tied me to the bed. I couldn't-" San stopped abruptly, as if he couldn't bear to get the words out. He was shaking, Wooyoung noticed.

"San, are you okay?"

This would be the point where anyone else would nod their head and lie, say that yes, despite being through hell and back, they were okay, but not San. He shook his head firmly, hands clenched in tight fists at his sides, "No, it- it hurts..."

"What hurts, Sannie?" The nickname just slipped out, but San didn't seem to mind, so Wooyoung didn't bother correcting himself, "Can you show me?" San was breathing heavily, and his shoulders were trembling from the effort of staying put together, and he shook his head again.

San didn't want to show him anything. He just wanted to curl up in a corner and cry, wallowing in his own self-pity as he was consumed by the pain in all the bruised parts of his body- his thighs, ass, torso and neck were covered by red bite marks and large bruises from the several times that he'd been hit and punished for squirming in place as the larger man had used him mercilessly for his own sick pleasure. 

He wondered what Wooyoung thought of him right then. He probably thought he was pitiful and childish for crying nonstop for the past half an hour, but he couldn't help it. It just hurt too much, both physically and mentally. God, he felt horrible to be burdening Wooyoung this way.

"I'm sorry," he blurted, "I'm sorry I came here. I just don't know anyone else, and I don't want to go back to the club without the money. God knows what would happen to me if I did," a shudder passed through him at the thought that his boss would get mad at him for returning from a client's place empty-handed.

He might have been paid if he'd stuck around in that guy's hotel room a little longer, but San didn't want to wait. The moment he'd been untied from that bed and pushed upright despite his hurting limbs and bruised torso and thighs, he'd bolted from there, turning back and walking out into the rain without another word. He walked and walked, not knowing where his unsteady feet were taking him, and he'd ended up outside Wooyoung's place.

Perhaps he'd known where he was headed after all.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, and looked down at his feet, when he felt Wooyoung's presence suddenly shift closer to him, close enough that he could feel the other man's warmth. Some part of him wanted to shy away, but the other part wanted to pull Wooyoung into his arms and sob his heart out.

However, he did neither, simply sitting still as he waited for a response from Wooyoung.

Wooyoung studied San's features that were twisted in hurt and guilt. He didn't like that. He wanted to protect him from sorrow and negativity. All he wanted was for San to smile that beautiful, dimpled smile again, and that was honestly the most terrifying thought he'd ever had.

He didn't dwell on it, deciding to leave that thought for later, "San, please stop apologising. Don't feel bad that you came here, I'm glad I can take care of you, so don't apologise for needing help, okay?" Wooyoung though it best not to touch him after what he'd just been through, so he chose to lean closer to him rather than initiate contact, "Just...show me where you're hurt, and I can take care of it for you, okay?"

San gulped, swallowing around the uncomfortable lump in his throat. He thought he should have said something, but actions speak louder than words, so all he did was grab the hem of the shirt he was wearing and pull it over his head slowly.

Wooyoung gasped, having to restrain himself from reaching out and running a hand over San's torso. His wrists were red and the skin was broken in some places, seemingly from being tied with a rough material like a rope. His neck, hips and waist were sporting large red handprints, and his chest and neck were covered by purpling bruises that didn't seem small or gentle in the least. In fact, they seemed to be exactly what the were. The aftermath of San being unwillingly used for sex.

He felt his eyes welling up at the sight, but forced it down. Now was not the time to be crying, he had other, more important things to do.

"Can I touch you?" He had to ask, he didn't know how willing San was right now, and showing these bruises and welts to Wooyoung was in itself probably a big step for him. San barely moved, but Wooyoung could just about make out a slight nod, just a bow of the head to indicate his affirmation. Wooyoung got up and left the room for a second, returning with a towel and a bottle of aloe vera gel.

"Lie back for me?" San's eyes suddenly flashed in fear, and Wooyoung mentally hit himself for not realising how vulnerable the position would make him. He changed his request at once, instead asking San to lean against the cushions behind him. Once he did so, Wooyoung dipped his fingers in the gel, reaching forwards to gently smooth the cool, transparent substance over San's neck, dragging gently across the worst bruises.

Wooyoung wondered how San managed not to utter a single cry of pain as he worked, the man must have had an extremely high pain tolerance. He moved his hands south, and San's breathing evened out as he relaxed, watching Wooyoung's fingers with a careful eye. Wooyoung right hand applied the gel while his left held the towel, gently cleaning up any excess he'd used to make sure that it wasn't sticky when it dried.

Wooyoung looked up for a second, and a thought struck him, "How come your lips aren't bruised? If he raped you, then..." the unspoken question hung in the air.

San opened his eyes. He hadn't realised he'd shut them. He looked straight into Wooyoung's eyes, answering with the most clarity he'd had all night, "He didn't kiss me. I don't let any of my clients touch me above the neck," he paused, and for good measure, added, "Plus, he gagged me when I started yelling at him." He knew what he was telling Wooyoung, he was clearly implying that the man wasn't just a client to him, but somehow, the thought want odd at all.

Because really, would he let any client take care of his bruises from another, all alone on a rainy night? Would he show up crying at any client's house unannounced in the middle of a storm?  
  
Would any other client take up so many of his thoughts?

Wooyoung heard the unspoken words, and fought the blush crawling up his neck, "...oh." He didn't say anything else, and his hands stilled on San's waist, tracing the red handprints that wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

He felt terrible. How was it, that someone who deserved good things- because of course everyone did- had had such horrible things happen to him? How was it that San was even calm at this moment? Wooyoung couldn't even imagine the kind of pain he must have been feeling, and wondered about the bruises that San wasn't showing him, and the ones on the inside.

His eyes teared up involuntarily, and he sniffled, holding it back as he moved his hands down to San's hips. He could see a bruise reach down into his pants, half-covered by the material, and looked up at San from his position on the floor, where he'd sunk down so it'd be easier to reach him.

"Anywhere else?" He really meant, _will you show me the other bruises that I know are there?_ but he was guessing that San understood.

San averted his eyes, "No." He didn't mean no, he wasn't hurting anywhere else. He meant no, I won't show you where else it's hurting, because I'm embarrassed and humiliated.

Wooyoung didn't push further, simply rising from the floor, "Okay." He picked up the towel and went to chuck it in the laundry tub, before he brought the gel back to where San was sitting, "I'm gonna give this to you. Keep it, and just do what I did till everything heals, okay? Just apply it wherever you're hurt."

If he couldn't do it, Wooyoung would make sure that at least San took care of himself. San took the bottle gratefully, placing it on the coffee table in front of them along with his phone.

A quick glance outside proved that the rain wouldn't be stopping anytime soon, and it took all of three seconds for Wooyoung to decide what to do, "You're staying here tonight."

"But I-"

"San, I am not letting you get back alone in the middle of all this," he gestured to the window, where the rain was heavily slapping away, "and this," he gestured to San himself, meaning his body's state, "so yeah. You're staying here."

"...fine." that was easier than he'd thought it would be. Perhaps San was a little sensible after all.

He sat down next to San, and the latter slipped the shirt back on, the gel having dried and cooled his skin wherever Wooyoung had applied it.

"San, how are you feeling?"

San tilted his head to face the ceiling, "I don't know."

"Okay...Have you eaten?"

San nodded. He had grabbed a sandwich before he'd gone for his shift at the club, so thankfully his stomach wasn't protesting. Plus, he didn't think he would be able to eat anything either way, his insides felt horrible. So did his outsides, for that matter.

San let a self-deprecating chuckle escape his lips, "God, I'm a mess, aren't I?" Wooyoung shifted closer to him on the couch, "No you're not. If anyone is a mess, it's that guy who was so horrible to you tonight. He's a mess," Wooyoung poured out all the determination and persuasion he had into his voice, hoping that San would understand, that he would believe him.

"...terrible."

"What?"

"I said I didn't know how I was feeling, turns out I do. I feel terrible, and even though the pain has decreased a lot thanks to you, everything is...unreal. My head hurts, and so do other places," he didn't specify what he meant by that, but Wooyoung had a pretty good idea, "and I just want to erase all my memories of tonight, you know?"

Turns out San _did_ want to talk, and Wooyoung would be right there to listen without judging or trying to calm him, because heck, the guy had been raped. How could you say that it was okay when it clearly wasn't?

So he listened.

"Do you know what it's like to lose every ounce of control in your body till you just want to give up?" San faced him, "That's what it was like. I was on the edge of giving up and just _letting_ him do what he wanted, but then...it got worse."

Wooyoung didn't want to hear about it. It made him feel sick to his stomach, and made him want to punch something, preferably that guy who'd done this to San. He held himself back, though, and maintained the calm facade, for San's sake. The last thing San needed was someone freaking out right next to him.

"He- he put me on my back, forced off my clothes , and tied my hands and legs to the bed with ropes," San thumbed at his reddened wrists, "I just wanted to scream and get the hell out of there, but then when I started to yell, he gagged me, and then I couldn't speak."

Wooyoung really, really wanted to hug him, to show him that there were people who wanted him to be safe and happy, and he was one of them. But he didn't know if that was a border he was willing to cross right then. He figured he would let San spill out his heart to him, and all he needed now was for Wooyoung to listen. Being physical was probably the last thing on his list.

"I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, but it wasn't enough for him. He- he blindfolded me too, and I couldn't..." San inhaled deeply, biting his lip, "Then he had his way with me, and hit me whenever I so much as shifted a muscle. I was so scared, that something serious might happen to me, when he didn't stop, and kept- kept hitting me with something...maybe a belt?"

San gulped. He knew he was probably causing Wooyoung a whole load of inconvenience by unleashing this on him, but the man seemed to be hanging onto his every word, eyes flashing in what seemed to be concern and sympathy. He didn't know if it was possible for Wooyoung to care that much about him, but at that moment, he let himself believe. Believe that he could talk to Wooyoung, lighten his heavy heart, and maybe he would feel better.

"It just...it hurt so _much_ , and when it ended, I just left. I didn't even wait for him to pay me, if he was going to. I don't know. I didn't care, I just had to get out." Wooyoung saw San's hands clenched into frustrated fists at his sides, and, without thinking, he reached out, smoothening his hands out to join their palms.

San's eyes widened at the seemingly intimate gesture, but decided not read too much into it, not moving his hands from where they were placed under Wooyoung's. Besides, he had to admit that it felt kind of nice.

Wooyoung looked at San's face, noticed that he wasn't too bothered by their hands joining, and gently shifted to intertwine their fingers in a comforting gesture, "Do you want to take this to the police?" He was deadly serious, and he knew he had to ask this at some point.

"No, my job itself is illegal, I can't do that. I'd be in trouble too," that was certainly a factor, "Plus, I don't know anything about that guy except his appearance, maybe. He didn't tell me his name, and he took me to a hotel, not his house."

Wooyoung suddenly felt like he had to apologise, "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that. No one deserves to, and the guy who did that should be thrown in jail...no, he shouldn't be _alive_ after having violated another person's rights like that," Wooyoung was ranting now, "San, he has no right to do what he did to you, no matter what anyone may say. You deserve the best, okay? And it doesn't matter whether you're a prostitute, or the Prime Minister of South Korea, _no one_ should have to deal with what you did."

San was overwhelmed by Wooyoung's firm belief. He didn't know why, but he suddenly wanted to kiss him, right then and there. It was a weird feeling. He'd never had it before, he'd never wanted to just innocently kiss someone simply for being _them_ , and with no other underlying reason or intention other than him wanting to.

Wooyoung's phone buzzed, and San was almost disappointed when he let go of his hands to pick it up and check it, "Oh, I don't have to work on Monday, my friend just texted me. Cool."

San grabbed the window of opportunity to change the subject, "What do you do as a dancer?"

"Wow, you remember that?"

San shrugged, "I have a good memory," Perhaps he should've smiled, but he didn't really think he could do that easily.

"I'm a teacher and performer. My friend Yunho and I have a YouTube channel." San raised an eyebrow, "Wow, that's nice. Have you been doing that for a long time?"

"Well, I've been dancing since I was four, but this job I picked up only last year. I wasn't teaching before that." San nodded, and crossed his legs on the couch to sit more comfortably.

Their conversation continued late into the night. They talked about everything and nothing, from Wooyoung's job, to his friends, to San's stories about ridiculous clients who couldn't keep it in their pants even in the middle of the club. It was almost like they were...friends, but Wooyoung didn't voice that thought, for fear that it would bring up other, unnecessary confrontations.

When San threw his head back and let out a delighted laugh because of one of Wooyoung's stories about his students' antics, the latter knew that he wanted to be close to him. He wasn't willing to let him go after the night, and wanted to be someone whom San talked to often. He wanted to keep that laugh, that smile, those _dimples_ , for himself, and wanted to be the very reason that San cracked such a smile.

"San?"

"Hmm?" He seemed much more cheerful than before, sitting comfortably and chatting away with Wooyoung like they'd known each other forever. Wooyoung had made him feel comfortable, and much happier compared to his miserable state earlier that night. They'd been talking for nearly two hours, and it was almost two am, but neither of them felt tired.

"Can you give me your number?" Wooyoung knew that it was probably a long-shot, but he had to ask. Is he didn't, he would've lived with that regret his whole life.

San bit his lip nervously, "Uh- Wooyoung, I think you're cool, but I can't date anyone, you know that right?" He was a hooker, for god's sake. Having an exclusive relationship would mean the end of his job. Not that he didn't like Wooyoung. He did. Wooyoung was cute, funny and they were obviously compatible (both sexually and otherwise), but he couldn't _date_ him.

"Oh, I didn't mean like that! Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I meant just as friend, you know. So that you know you have someone to talk to, and somewhere to go," Of course Wooyoung wouldn't be so stupid as to ask him out just like that, that would be crazy. He was just about to dismiss the whole idea and say he was stupid for thinking that, when he was faced with San's hand extending his phone out to him, "Okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Wooyoung entered his number in San's phone, adding a smiley face at the end of his name for good measure, and gave himself a call so he'd know San's number as well.

"So we're friends?" San questioned.

"I would like if we were," Wooyoung replied, "What do you say?"

"Sure."

Wooyoung's face split into a cheerful grin, "Great."

 _Great_.

This might just be the stupidest thing he's ever done.

He didn't regret it one bit.

*****

Wooyoung's first thought when he woke up was to scream.

He didn't, thankfully.

That thought was triggered because when he awoke, he had an arm in front of his face and it wasn't his. That was when everything came back.

San. Right.

He didn't know what exactly had happened, but it seemed as though they'd fallen asleep on the couch together while talking. The alarming part was that San's head was pillowed on his shoulder and his arms were wound around Wooyoung, hence the arm in front of his face. He glanced at the clock in front of them and almost panicked when he saw that it was almost noon.

_Oh wait, it's Saturday._

He blatantly ignored the fact that he was the most comfortable he had ever been, despite his own arm being uncomfortably tucked behind San's back, and peeled the other man's arms from around him and dislodged his head from his shoulder so that he could get up. He let San lean against the cushions and left the room to shower.

Once Wooyoung had showered and changed, he returned to the living room to find San sitting up and hugging a cushion to his stomach, yawning as he rubbed his eyes with one hand.

Cute.

_No, it is most definitely not cute._

"Oh good, you're awake."

"Hi," his hair was a mess, and Wooyoung had to hold back a chuckle at the sight of random red and black strands sticking up haphazardly, "What time is it?"

"Noon." Wooyoung still had something to ask him though, "Sannie, how are you feeling?"

"I'm not gonna lie, my ass hurts like a bitch, but it's nothing I'm not used to. But I think mentally, a lot better," he said, "You helped with that."

Wooyoung almost gushed, and then considered how inappropriate it would be, and abruptly stopped himself, "Good. I can't say that you'll bounce back in no time, but I'm glad you're feeling better."

Why were they this domestic? It was weird, but not in a bad way. Wooyoung thought he could get used to this, he really could, but you know, obviously, he shouldn't. So he forced the thought away and focused on other, more pressing matters.

"Since we're too late to eat breakfast, I suggest you stay for lunch, and then I can drop you back whenever you want, what do you say?" Wooyoung was pretty much free for the day, so he was okay to stay with San for however long he wished, but he knew that at some point they would have to get back to their lives, and San would have to go back to the club.

He wished he didn't, but what could he do?

"Are you sure I won't be a bother if I stay for lunch? Honestly, I can just grab something on my way back." Wooyoung sighed, "Just say yes to the free food, okay? It's not like I have anything important to do today anyways."

San yawned again, and nodded, albeit a little hesitantly, "Okay, if you say so."

"Good," he grinned, "Now, what do you think of kimchi pancake? I'm good at that."

San flashed him a smile, "Sounds great."

As all food was, the first pancake was an absolute fail and Wooyoung discreetly slipped it onto his own plate. The subsequent ones were all pretty okay, and resulted in them having a nice lunch in front of the television.

Once they were done and the plates were in the sink, San turned to Wooyoung, "Hey, come here for a second," he walked to the living room and sat down on the couch, gesturing for Wooyoung to sit beside him.

Wooyoung sat, and looked at San intently, waiting for what he had to say. But then, he couldn't see, as San's arms had wrapped tightly around him and he was pulled in flush against the other man's body. He let out a panicked squeak, and San's arms tightened around him, even as his own hung limply by his sides, not daring to move.

San smelt like...well, Wooyoung, considering the fact that he was wearing his clothes, and suddenly, that fact became all too real for him to take, and Wooyoung shut his eyes tightly as San's head fell into the crook of his shoulder.

"Thank you."

And then Wooyoung knew he could move, it was fine, and his own arms raised to wrap around San's waist securely, pulling him closer against himself. He didn't say anything back, he didn't have to, and he felt San smile into his neck.

"Thank you so much," he repeated, and then his warmth was leaving and Wooyoung wanted to protest, but didn't. Wooyoung nodded at him, smiling in a way that he knew San would understand, and his arms fell to rest on the couch.

"What you did for me last night...nobody has ever done for me before," San's eyes were wide with sincerity, "You made feel like _me_ for once, and it's all I could ever I ask for. I didn't have to be a prostitute, or an actor, I just had to be San, and it's been a while since I've been just _San_ to anyone. So, you should know, that even though I've not known you for long, you're a very precious friend to me, Wooyoung."

Wooyoung didn't know what to say in response to that, as he felt his cheeks go red from the unexpected praise. He looked at his hands shyly, trying to hide his smile, and nodded, "I appreciate that."

"This really was amazing, but I have to get back to the club," San smiled sheepishly, "Gotta get back to reality sometime, right?"

"...yeah."

_Yeah...reality._

_Where he couldn't be with San like he wanted._

*****  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for doing that to San. I love him and he's my baby, but you gotta do what you gotta do for the sake of the story. I hope you don't hate me🙈
> 
> On that lovely note,what did you guys think of this chapter? Let me know!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya!! I hope you guys are all staying safe in your homes, please don't put yourselves at risk! I've got an early update this time for you guys, because I was feeling super generous today lol. 
> 
> Anyway, here's chapter 6, let me know if you like it in the comments! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung waved at San, offering him a small smile as the other man opened the door to leave the car. San smiled back, although it was a little strained, "Thanks again, Wooyoung."

"Anytime." He didn't say anything else, and he knew he didn't have to, when San nodded and turned around, disappearing through the doors of the dimly lit club. The place seemed empty, considering it was only around one in the afternoon.

Wooyoung turned away from San's receding form and back to face the road. San was still wearing the clothes Wooyoung had lent him, and he promised to come and return them within the next few days. Meanwhile, Wooyoung had insisted that he would wash San's clothes from the previous night and keep them till San came to return his, then they would exchange.

A pretty good plan, and it also gave San a reason to come over again- not that Wooyoung particularly wanted him to, but still. He turned the key in the ignition, feeling the engine roar to life as he started to drive away from San's temporary residence and to his own home.

After an hour spent lazing around and procrastinating, Wooyoung decided that the chores had to be done, and finally convinced himself to rise from the bed and make his way to the kitchen to wash the dishes from the previous night and morning.

He placed his phone next to him on the counter and picked up the bowl he'd used for the batter, lathering soap on it before scrubbing at it. While he worked, his mind wandered to other topics.

He was still absolutely appalled at the fact that someone had misused San like that, and he couldn't believe that San just let it go so easily, by saying that it was nothing he wasn't used to.

'Nothing he wasn't used to', somehow made Wooyoung feel worse than he already did, at the thought that this wasn't a one-time thing and San had probably faced worse before. God, his own life was probably tame compared to San's, and honestly, he didn't know what to say to him either, because what advice could he give when the most he knew about the topic itself was what San had taught him?

This was inhumane, the fact that there were actually people in this world who could live with themselves after doing something like * _that_ * to another human being. Wooyoung really, really just wanted to punch that guy. Okay, so maybe, he was a little more than just angry because the person had been San, and not just anyone. Not that he wouldn't have found it despicable either way, there just probably wouldn't have been such a drastic need to protect them, if it weren't San.

He found it weird that San had managed so easily to worm his way into Wooyoung's heart and fix a spot for himself, right beside Yunho and Yeosang and Hongjoong and all his other friends. He'd always had a bit of a soft spot for San, but he thought that it was just because he was the first and only man to see Wooyoung completely bare and take him apart like no one else ever had. But...he didn't think that was just it, anymore.

Not to mention, San was probably the cutest guy he'd ever seen, and curse his luck because said cutest guy also happened to be the most unattainable kind. The 'forbidden love' kind. Complicated much? He didn't ever think he would be the type to even _consider_ harbouring a crush on a freaking prostitute, but here he was. And he knew it wasn't just because San's visuals were handcrafted by god, no. San was funny and endearingly flirty and caring and sweet and Wooyoung wanted to kick himself. God, this sounded like something that would cause headaches. And something that both Yeosang and Yunho would _definitely_ pick on him for.

Yunho was still in the dark about all of this, and he figures he should tell him sometime, but honestly he didn't really want to. In a way, San was his 'little secret,' if you will, and Wooyoung preferred keeping the man's friendship to himself for the time being.

He wished he didn't have to maintain their relationship at just a friendship level though, and he had a slight inkling that maybe San felt that way too, though it was probably just wistful thinking. Either way, it wasn't like they would be able to do anything about it. It would totally kill him if San were his boyfriend and still had the same job, basically being a sex toy to unknown men.

_Boyfriend._

That just made it seem so much worse.

He really, really wished that San could get a better life, a better job and stabilize himself so that he could boldly ask him out- and be rejected, probably, though that wasn't the point- but he knew that it was easier said than done.

So...he would do whatever he could to make it work, so that he and San could at least be friends. He decided he would suppress the almost-crush (he probably wasn't actually crushing on San yet, but he knew it would happen in the near future if he didn't do something about it) and maintain their friendship at the level it was at, and he wouldn't let it progress into something more. The moment it seemed a little on the edge, like that time San had kissed him in the car, he would firmly stop his heart from telling him otherwise.

Yup, that was the only way.

He'd have to completely ignore his feelings till they disappeared, and he assumed it wouldn't take too long, considering the fact that he was a hundred percent sure that nothing could ever happen between them. That confidence somehow helped him have absolutely no hopes, so that forgetting his slowly developing crush would be easier.

He would be a friend to San, because that was what the other man needed right now. Any feelings at all that weren't platonic would be a big blot on a white paper, and would soon spread until the problem multiplied itself exponentially and couldn't be stopped. So...Wooyoung would never let it get to that point.

He shook himself out of his thoughts and focused on the work at hand instead, wiping the last of the dishes with a cloth before placing it on the stand. Next, he had to do the laundry.

He went out of the kitchen to pick up the laundry tub and take it to the washing machine in the back. San's clothes were on top, and he started by grabbing the black hoodie and shaking it out before dropping it in the machine. When he got to picking up San's pants, something caught his eye.

He lifted it to his eye level and peered at it closely. The area between the legs of the pant and the back was definitely darker than the rest of it. Even though the pants were a dark shade of grey, it was obvious what the stain was. Wooyoung slapped a shocked hand over his mouth.

_San was bleeding last night?_

How could he keep that from him? He knew that San was definitely hiding some of the wounds he had, but not ones that made him _bleed_. He couldn't believe it. He bit his lip harshly, almost splitting it, and his grip on the pair of pants tightened.

All thoughts of doing the laundry forgotten, he took the pants in his hand, shut the machine and turned off the lights, rushing to grab his phone and keys. He kicked the door shut behind him, waiting for the familiar click of the lock before jumping in his car and starting to drive back down to a location he'd recently just returned from.

He had to know what San wasn't telling him.

The fact that he was bleeding meant that the damage was worse than it had seemed the previous night, and that San was very good at hiding his pain.

God, he couldn't even imagine how terrible it must have been for him. And even when Wooyoung had tried asking him where else he was hurt apart from his torso and wrists, his only response was a shrug and, "It doesn't matter, I've faced worse before. It's not the first time this has happened." And that was so, so sad, the fact that this inhuman act was something of a common occurence to him.

Wooyoung grit his teeth, gripping onto the steering wheel until his knuckles were pale with effort. But he knew this emotion wasn't a good thing to carry with him while he was going to meet San. So he took a deep breath, willing down his anger at the asshole who'd taken advantage of San that way, because storming in and taking his anger out on San would do no good, obviously.

Not that he wasn't furious. He was. Except, his anger was directed elsewhere, and not at a certain dimpled, flirty prostitute, so it was better that he calmed himself down before confronting him.

It was a quick drive, and soon Wooyoung was parked next to a familiar door. The sign outside said 'CLOSED' in big letters, but he couldn't care less, as he pushed the unlocked door in. It gave, and Wooyoung stood facing a man shorter than him, flowy strawberry blonde locks framing his face, a clear contrast to his previous, shorter style from what Wooyoung could recall.

"You're Minhee, right?"

He nodded, "Yes, but I'm sorry, we're closed. Come back tonight please," Minhee gestured at the door, but Wooyoung shook his head in response, "No I'm not here for that. I'm looking for San."

Minhee seemed surprised at the question, "You know San-hyung?" Wooyoung nodded, "Yes, and I need to talk to him. Is he here?"

The smaller boy nodded, "Take the stairs in that corner. San-hyung is upstairs."

Wooyoung nodded, "Thanks." He turned around to walk towards the stairs and jogged up them till he was at a sort of narrow hallway with two doors. One was locked from the outside, so it was obvious which was San's. He walked up to the door and knocked firmly against it once, twice and then it was being opened, "Hey, Minhee-yah- oh, Wooyoung?"

San seemed taken aback at his appearance, but Wooyoung wasn't about do pleasantries here, "San, open the door. Let me in." 

San still sported a perplexed expression, but opened the door for him without protest, and Wooyoung stepped inside. It was a pretty small place, clearly, and there was a tiny kitchen off to the side and a single bedroom further ahead. That seemed to be it.

Wooyoung whipped around to face San, "San, I need you to explain yourself."

"What- what did I do?"

Wooyoung followed San to the couch and sat beside him, "I was doing the laundry and...care to explain this?" He held up the pair of tight grey skinny jeans that San had been wearing last night, and it was obvious what he was referring to. The dark brownish stain left little to the imagination. It was clearly blood, "Sannie, how could you not tell me you were bleeding?"

San's eyes widened a little and he turned away from Wooyoung, gaze straying across the room, "...I'm sorry. I was- I was embarrassed."

"That was no time for embarrassment, San. And you know it. I was only trying to help you. Why wouldn't you tell me that you were bleeding?" He extended his hand to place it on San's jaw, turning it to face him, "Do you not trust me?"

San finally met his eyes, hesitation and confusion flitting across his own, "I do...I- I don't know why I didn't say anything, I didn't want you to think low of me," a humorless chuckle flowed from his lips, "although I suppose we can't get much worse than right now." Wooyoung dropped the hand from San's jaw, "That's not true."

"Maybe it isn't, but I certainly do think very low of myself right now," San's features were strained, " _God_ , I'm so stupid. I let myself be taken advantage of like that, and now..."

Wooyoung sighed, "Don't. Don't make this worse by depreciating yourself, San. It isn't going to do anyone any good." San stared at him, "I can't help it. I kind of hate myself right now."

Wooyoung wanted to reassure him, wanted to tell San that he was wonderful and shouldn't think of himself that way, but it wasn't the time, "Would you let me....help you now?"

"Actually, I took care of of it myself, you gave me your gel, remember? So there's no need." Wooyoung was still hesitant, and he had to know for sure that San was really alright. He obviously didn't want to force him into anything, but he had to ask, lest he turn out to be a lousy friend, "Still, would you let me...see for myself?"

"Why? You didn't get enough on that night two weeks ago?" San teased. Wooyoung rolled his eyes, "Yah, you know what I mean. Just- just let me see if you're really okay."

"I'm fine, honestly. I told you it's happened before," San untucked his shirt. Yes, his own shirt. He wasn't wearing Wooyoung's clothes anymore, he'd changed after showering, "But if you insist, I guess I could show you."

Wooyoung bit the inside of his cheek, rolling the flesh with his tongue. San turned around so his back was to Wooyoung, and in one swift movement, the shirt was over his head.

Wooyoung felt queasy already.

The area from his nape to his shoulders was dotted with finger-shaped bruises and purpling bite marks, one or two where the skin was clearly broken and healed over, but not enough to cover the clear traces. Further down, a string of red traced down his back, the worst hit spot from what he could see, clearly scarred by a long object like a belt.

Wooyoung's cheeks felt wet, and he realised he was crying. He didn't stop himself though, and let out a choked breath at the sight of San's mangled skin. The scar from where he'd clearly been hit with a belt or something similar stopped near the bottom of his spine, the dimples there delicate, unhurt.

Wooyoung's hand flew to his mouth and he covered it in shock when San lowered his pants a little and he caught sight of the large, dark bruises littering his skin all the way from the bottom of his spine down to his thighs, "San- how...why didn't you tell me it was this bad yesterday? I- your front wasn't this terrible-" his voice cracked and his eyebrows were furrowed in hurt, although he was hardly the one who should have been hurting.

San raised his pants up to his waist and turned, not bothering to put on the shirt again, "It's okay, I promise- wait, are you crying?"

Wooyoung wiped his cheeks with a shaky hand and breathed in, "It was just a bit...overwhelming. All of it. The fact that you had to go through so much pain, it's-"

"Wooyoung, please don't worry about me. I'm doing fine. I promise it's not as bad as it looks, I took care of it. It'll heal soon, and I can get back to work in a week, maximum."

That's right. Work. This was _work_ for him.

"I- I just-" he cut himself off, "I'm sorry, you're the one who had to endure all that, and I'm sitting here crying like a three year old, I shouldn't-"

"No, it's okay. I understand this is new and I know how scary it seems that I do this for a living. But it isn't foreign to me, honestly. I usually go to Mingi for comfort after something like happens, but he wasn't around so I came to yours. I'm sorry if I scared you too much, but it really isn't too bad. I've faced worse before," San bit his lip, "Sometimes I've even passed out from the pain."

Wooyoung choked on another sharp sob at that last sentence. He shut his eyes tightly and shook his head, "No. No, this can't be your life. How do you- why..." He had no idea how to finish that sentence. _Why you? Why not me instead? Why are people like this? Just...why?_

"It is, though. This is what I have to deal with if I want to survive. I kind of signed myself up for it when I got this job, so please just don't think badly of me. It's not like I wanted this, either. Sometimes, you just don't get what you want, or even what you need. Life does that. When you think it can't get any worse, life takes it up as a challenge and does _just that_ ," San paused, taking in Wooyoung's wide eyes and absolutely focused expression. Focused on him. On San. Because for once, someone other Mingi wanted to listen to what he had to say.

"It's been hard for me, Wooyoung. Probably harder than you can even imagine. But there different kinds of people in this world, and I'm just one of those people with really terrible luck at the worst possible time. I guess I'll live my life, and you live yours. We're different, very different. So I'd like it if you just, were my _friend_ ; my friend whom I can hang out with and say stupid stuff to, because no matter how different we all are, we all need friends, right? So don't feel bad for me, don't sympathise with me and most important of all, please don't try to change me, because I have too much going on to try and cope with being a different person to different people all the time."

"San, I'm-" San cut him off with a finger on his lips gentler than he expected, "Let me finish." Wooyoung nodded dumbly, and San dropprd his hand to continue.

"So...just be Wooyoung, and I'll be San, and we'll be friends, okay? Don't make this into a friendship were you pity me and I take your sympathy and hang my problems on your shoulders, because I don't want that. You don't want that either, so just...do friend things with me. Don't pity me. Don't kook down on me. Don't cry for me, please?" He looked into Wooyoung's eyes, honesty shining through his clear orbs, and Wooyoung nodded, "...yeah," He'd stopped crying now, but little sniffles still escaped him every once in a while.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

San stood up, slipping on the shirt, "So since that's settled, how about I show you what it's like to be friends with Choi San, hm?" He stood and extended a hand out to Wooyoung, flashing him a little smile, and Wooyoung almost got whiplash from the sudden change in the mood. It was as if San had completely locked out the other part of himself, the side of him that had come crying to Wooyoung's place the previous night, and now he was just another young man with normal things to do, and didn't know the pain of being used and discarded.

Wooyoung knew better, though. He knew that this San wasn't a different person from last night, no. He was just...hiding now, hiding from the pain and the torture so that he could pretend that his life was perfect, when it was far from that.

Fine, then. Wooyoung would give him that. He would let San have a normal life with him, he would let him be himself, and he would be San's friend, a friend who didn't judge and didn't prod around and simply accepted San for who he was.

So he smiled weakly back, and nodded, "It's not like I have anything important to do anyway, so I might as well," the dirty laundry and the old curtains flashed across his mind, but he got rid of those images and filed them away for later. He would deal with them tomorrow.

"Good."

"What do you wanna do?"

"How crazy are you willing to get?" San had a subtle twinkle of mischief in his eye, and Wooyoung didn't know what San was going to suggest, but he knew what his answer would be either way, "What are you thinking?"

"Ever gotten drunk at three in the afternoon?" Wooyoung let out a burst of laughter and stood up next to San, "Well, there's a first time for everything."

San laughed too, and they shared a subtle look, before San was dragging Wooyoung out and downstairs towards the bar, "Perks of working here- you can get a drink at any time of day or night, no questions asked."

Wooyoung didn't know what to say to that, and let out an amused chuckle at San's excitement, following him to sit down on one of the stools as San went behind the counter, "So what can I get you, Wooyoung-ssi?"

Wooyoung pretended not to notice San's wince and pained gasp when he stretched to get glasses, instead swallowing down the words of worry in favour of saying, "Surprise me."

San winked, an action that was unfairly attractive, "Got it."

*****

They spent quite a while in the bar, till Wooyoung was pleasantly tipsy and San was laughing at anything and everything around him.

He had a pretty laugh, Wooyoung noticed. His eyes got all crinkly and almost disappeared, and his dimples bore deep into his cheeks as laugh lines appeared on the sides of his lips. Wooyoung giggled too, and hid his face with his hands when San made a particularly teasing remark.

"Oh my god, San!" Wooyoung almost shrieked even as San grinned widely, smile shining in his eyes.

"What? I'm your friend, I'm supposed to tease you. It's not like I have anyone else other than you and Mingi to tease," he shrugged, "It's been a while since I've had someone like you as a friend, you know? All I am to people is just a pretty face, at this point." The mood turned sour instantly, and their smiles faded.

"San, how long- how long have you been doing this?" Wooyoung asked, and San looked at him, "What? My job?"

"Yeah."

San could feel a heavy conversation coming up, "A little more than three years, I think."

"Can- is it okay if I ask you a personal question?" San gently raised himself to sit on the table so his legs were hanging in front of him, "Sure."

"Why did you become a prostitute? What was your life like before this?"

San sighed, kicking his legs in the air at an irregular beat, "I suppose I should have expected you to ask me that at some point."

Wooyoung leaned on his folded hands, looking up at San, "You don't have to answer, you know. I'm just...curious."

"No, it's okay. It's not like I can hide it away forever. I just didn't expect it to come up so soon."

San looked up at the ceiling, as if he was considering something very deeply, "To be honest, there's not much in my life that I'm proud of. It's sort of a...series of bad decisions and a whole lot of bad luck, you know?"

Wooyoung nodded, even though he knew San wasn't looking at him.

"I guess everything was...normal for a long time. I was a normal kid, and went to school and had friends there, even boyfriends, and then I turned eighteen, and that's when life took a U-turn and threw up in my face."

Wooyoung cracked his knuckles absently, "What happened?"

"Well, I got in a car with my drunk dad, who crashed it, killing himself and my mom. Got in a whole load of trouble with a bunch of people who blamed me for it, so I left. I left my hometown, took all the money I had, and came to Seoul," San explained, "And then, somehow, it just got worse and worse.

"I was living with three jobs, skipping between cheap hotels and sometimes I just slept at my workplace, when one day, my boss at the cafe I worked in got a little too... _handsy_ , if you know what I mean."

Wooyoung gasped, "Oh my god..."

San looked down at him, a foreign expression painting his features, "Yeah, that's why I was so reluctant to take your first time. Because that was mine. I had my virginity taken from me, without my consent, and it was both terrifying and infuriating, not being able to do anything to stop him. It was...repulsive, it still is, but he said he'd pay me well, and I could start building myself up if I just continued to be his- his...toy. And saying yes to that was probably the worst decision I ever made in my life."

Wooyoung was far from drunk now. His mind had cleared up, and he was completely engrossed in San's words, "You- you stayed at that job? After he did _that_ to you?"

"I know, it's horrible. But I had no choice. I couldn't even live with myself for a while, but then...I got used to it, I guess. I could leave my other jobs and didn't have to sleep on the street anymore because my boss let me sleep in the guest room at his place.

"And then, he just...he fired me. I don't know what happened or why, but one day, he was just kicking me out onto the road with barely anything, and I was by myself again. Then, I met Mingi outside this very club, and he was, in a way, the best thing that's happened to me since that accident. He said he'd get me a job here, and I was originally expecting something more...well, different than this, but this was all the owner of this place could give me. He said he had no choice, but he did," San's insisted, "He had a choice, he could have given me a better life, but he just wanted to- to _use_ my appearance for money. You know, he gets most of what I earn."

Wooyoung's hand inched forward to grab San's, enveloping his hand in both of his own, "San, I'm sorry."

"No, don't say that. Just don't feel sorry for me. All of this, it's- it's my fault. It's my fault for leaving Namhae and running to Seoul, it's my fault for agreeing to that stupid boss' deal all those years ago, it's my fault for ending up here," San blinked at him, clarity in his words. There was absolutely no sign of doubt, he really did think he was at fault for all of this, "It's all my fault. So I have to bear with it, until Mingi and I are able to leave here. Until we're able to do something worthwhile with our lives."

San jumped lightly down from the table, landing on his feet next to Wooyoung, "You know, Mingi always wanted to produce music. He's amazingly talented, but he just never got the chance to prove himself. I trained in music and dance for several years when I was a kid, so I'm a pretty decent singer, and I like to think I know my way around a stage, but I can't do anything about it now. I kinda just have to...deal with all of this until it gets better. And even then, who would hire a fucking _prostitute_? So I'm basically screwed for life, whether or not I get through this."

Wooyoung stood up, still holding San's hand in a tight grip. San looked directly at him, "Crazy, huh? How I'm so messed up?" He wasn't crying. He wouldn't shed anymore tears for himself. He'd cried enough.

Wooyoung stepped closer, "You're not messed up. Don't say that you're messed up, San. All those people, right from the ones who blamed you for that tragedy, they're at fault. They should have known better. And this isn't me saying that you couldn't have had a better life if you'd made different decisions, maybe you could've, but what's happened has happened, and all you can do now is hope for better times, right?"

San looked at his own right hand, locked between both of Wooyoung's, "Yeah, I guess."

Wooyoung smiled, and San returned it, dimples appearing on either side of his cheeks, "How is it that I keep revealing bits and pieces of my bad sides to you, the worst parts of me that even I despise, and all you do is make me feel better by being so sweet and patient?" Wooyoung looked down in embarrassment, hiding his smile in his shoulder, "I guess I'm just being a good friend to you, Sannie."

San's cat-like eyes shone brightly as he smiled at Wooyoung, the same tender smile he'd given him when Wooyoung had come to see him in the hospital, "I never thought I'd be in this situation. I never even thought I'd make friends with anyone besides Mingi, and maybe Minhee to some extent, but I never imagined- I never imagined _you_ happening, you know? I thought you'd just be like the rest of them, and you'd just forget me after I had sex with you. It's-"

Wooyoung kissed him.

He didn't know what he was thinking, what thoughts went through his mind that prompted that particular action, but he just...did it. He placed a hand on the back of San's neck, and locked his lips with his, abruptly stopping his tirade. San tasted faintly of alcohol, and the strawberry chapstick that Wooyoung remembered from that night two weeks ago. Kissing San was still the same as it was two weeks ago- addicting, sweet, and absolutely unreal.

And then San's hands were on his chest, pushing him away, pulling himself back from the kiss as Wooyoung reeled back in shock at his own actions, "Oh my- San, I'm sorry- sorry. I didn't mean- I didn't mean to do that, I'm-"

"Wooyoung, just stop."

"But I-"

San avoided his gaze, pulling his hand out from Wooyoung's, where they were still joined together. It felt horrible, like San had sucked all the warmth out of him by retracting his hand, "You _know_ I can't do this, I can't let myself be with anyone, then why- why would you kiss me?"

Wooyoung wanted to tear his own hair out in frustration, "Because I- well, I don't _know_ , okay?"

_I don't know._

He turned, and walked right out, carrying his own heart in gentle hands for fear of it collapsing and causing more problems than it already had.

 _Goddamn it, why can't I do_ one _thing_ _right?_

*****  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I know San has a noona irl, but he doesn't in this story) Also....they finally kissed! And what now? Subscribe to follow the story!
> 
> Leave a comment and tell me if you liked it! Stay safe guys! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys, I'm back with chapter seven!! 
> 
> This one's pretty important to the course of the story, so I hope you like it😋 
> 
> And as always, please let me know what you think of it! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung almost flew across the room, gliding from one movement to another as he skid across the floor with practised ease, tucking himself into a graceful roll before coming up with one hand raised, using it as an axis to spin once, twice, thrice, and then he turned, showing his side to the mirror as he fell into a crouch with his head tucked between his knees. The music faded into nothing, and Wooyoung raised his head.

He panted, uneven breaths leaving his mouth as he rose from the ground to go to the corner of the room, collapsing onto the floor in a helpless heap. 

He'd been at it for nearly five hours, going through his solo again and again and again until every muscle in his body was begging for rest. He couldn't give himself rest, though. He couldn't afford to relax, because him being idle would only lead to thoughts of San plaguing his mind.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Why did he kiss him? He doesn't know.

Except that he did, and it was the very thing he didn't want to address.

_I like San._

Yeah, there it was. The 'forbidden' thing. He liked San, and that was probably the worst thing way this could have ended. He had sort of always thought that San was handsome in an objective way, yes, but actually _liking_ him as more than a friend? He didn't think that was part of the mix.

He couldn't bring himself to accept or deny it, the fact that he wanted to kiss San on the mouth and go on cute dates with him and call him silly nicknames. Accepting it would mean that he either had to tell San straight up, or completely ignore him, and denying it would mean pretending that everything was normal and that the kiss had never happened. Either one seemed like a terrible option.

He'd been avoiding San completely for three days now, and it was the middle of the week. It had been three whole days since he'd spoken to or heard from San. He didn't want to think about what that meant.

So, as a way of blocking it out, he'd resorted to spending hours in the studio, practicing again and again until the moves were just muscle memory and he barely had to think while progressing from one step to the next. It was almost two am, past time anyone should be there, but he couldn't sleep, couldn't do anything without thinking about San, and dancing seemed like the best option to let go of his worries.

He pulled his knees out from under him to get up with a little difficulty, and went to the music system to turn up the volume, moving onto the next track, a new one that Hongjoong-hyung had produced for fun. It had turned out quite good, and Wooyoung asked for it so he could choreograph it and post the dance video online.

If he couldn't practise his solo choreography anymore, he'd make a new one.

Anything to distract him from Choi San and his stupidly enchanting smile.

*****

"Wooyoung!"

_Huh?_

"Wooyoung-ah!"

Wooyoung jerked awake, clutching his head when he almost banged it against the person leaning over him, "Wha- Yunho?"

Yunho pulled him so he was sitting up and peered at him with calculating eyes, "Where were you all night? Were you here?"

That was when he registered where exactly he was. He was at the studio, on the floor. He remembered taking a small break from his work after completing the intro of Hongjoong's track, and then...had he fallen asleep right there?

"Um...yeah. I must've fallen asleep here last night, because I lost track of time. Sorry."

" _Sorry?_ That's all you say? Dude, We were looking everywhere for you! Yeosang went to your place and when you weren't there, we literally searched everywhere. We even called your mom!"

Wooyoung stared at him. How stupid could they be? "So you called my mom, but you didn't check the damn studio? You're the idiot."

"Well...okay, good point, but still. You don't just go missing like that," Yunho slapped him lightly on the arm, "Call Yeosang, tell him you're okay. Poor guy almost refused to go to work today because he was worried about you."

Once Wooyoung had done that, Yunho grabbed him by the arm, pulling to sit on one of the chairs in the corner, "So what's up?"

"Eh?"

"You know, why we you at the studio for so long that you felt asleep here? You only do that when there's something bothering you." Honestly, Yunho knew him too well for his own good, "Yeah, well. I've got a lot on my mind."

"Care to spill? I've got time."

Wooyoung didn't want to fight it. Really, it was just Yunho. Dear, sweet Yunho who had nursed him back to health when he caught a fever, refused to join school unless Wooyoung joined with him, and hugged him to sleep when he was feeling down as a kid.

So he didn't fight it.

He told Yunho everything, right from the time he'd paid San to take his virginity, to the time he'd gone with him to the hospital, to San showing up at his house, and...the kiss.

He left out the part where San was raped, because that wasn't his secret to tell. But the rest of it was out on the table, for Yunho to judge.

Yunho hit him lightly on the head, clearly not meant to hurt, "Oh my god, all of that happened and you didn't mention a word to me?"

"I'm sorry, okay? I told you, it was just a bit...much."

"So...you like this guy?"

Wooyoung groaned, planting his face into Yunho's broad chest, "Yes, and it's horrible, because I'm not supposed to. But I still do. I like him so much." Yunho patted his head comfortingly, "I'm not sure what to say to this."

"Yeah, well, it's a pretty weird situation."

They were quiet for a few moments, and Wooyoung moved to sit up again.

"I think you should tell him."

"What- are you crazy, Jung Yunho?!" Wooyoung cried incredulously.

"I don't know, maybe I am, but I think that this has become as bad as it possibly can be, and you telling him that you like him might actually be the best option here," Yunho looked intently at him, expecting an answer.

Maybe he was right. Maybe Wooyoung _should_ tell San. But...he was just so _scared._

"I- I don't know..."

Yunho shrugged, "Your call, I guess. I mean, I'm just saying, I don't even know this guy. Plus, what if he likes you back?"

"He can't," Wooyoung shook his head, "He literally told me to my face that he wouldn't date me."

"You asked him out?!"

"No! No, it was a misunderstanding. He _thought_ I was asking him out, when I wasn't."

"Oh."

Wooyoung slid off the chair, flopping onto the floor, "Why is my life like this, Yunho-yah? Why can't I just get a simple, normal story?"

_Why did I have to like San?_

Yunho sighed, standing up, "Maybe you will get your happy ending someday. For now, just...try to stop liking San, that's probably the only thing you can do if you're not going to tell him."

"...yeah."

_But I think I might like him too much to just stop._

He didn't tell Yunho that, of course. Instead, he stood up, walking towards the music system and clicking play, "Wanna see what I've got so far?"

"You bet."

*****

Yeosang and Jongho were passed out on his couch. They'd fallen asleep in the middle of movie night, and Wooyoung didn't want to wake them, so he turned off the TV and grabbed his phone to check his notifications.

Three messages from San.

What. Why would he-

He swallowed around the lump in his throat, forcing himself to open the messages and see what they were.

 _ **Sannie**_  
Hey, can we talk?

 _ **Sannie**_  
Please

 _ **Sannie**_  
I'm cpming over now to return ur clothes

That last one was sent about ten minutes ago. Wooyoung leaped up from his postion on the floor and dropped his phone next to Jongho's head on the couch.

San was coming over? _Right now?_

He took a glance at the two men who were blissfully sleeping next to each other, absolutely dead to the world.

He was just about to pick up his phone and text San to say that it wasn't a good time, when a soft knock on the door made him stop in his tracks.

_Shit._

He couldn't walk away from it now. It had been long enough. It had been more than three days since he'd last spoken to San, and San hadn't tried to reach out to him either, until those texts today.

He didn't want to admit it, but he found himself missing the other man's presence and his carefree, bright personality. He even missed San's weird mood changes.

Well, it's now or never.

He sighed, walking to the door and opening it.

"Hi," San wasn't looking at him, his gaze was directed at his own feet.

"...hey," Wooyoung managed, every cell in his body forcing himself not to think about the taste of San's lips on his.

San handed him a bag that contained the clothes Wooyoung had given him to wear, "Here. I thought I'd give this back to you."

"Thanks."

It was awkward, so awkward. One part of Wooyoung wanted to shut the door in San's face and run away, and the other wanted to pull San into his arms and kiss him. At the moment neither was a wise plan, so he simply did nothing.

He stood there silently, waiting for San to say something, anything, that would mean that this meeting was over.

Instead San said, "I want to talk to you," and he finally looked at him.

Wooyoung bit his lip when he noticed the red marks on San's jaw and neck. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out what those were.

He grit his teeth and had to force the words out, "Now isn't a good time, San."

"Do you think there even _is_ a good time to do this?" San was answered by silence, "Exactly. So let me in and let's talk. We need to fix...whatever it is that happened."

"What makes you think it can be fixed?"

San took a step back, from shock or something else, Wooyoung didn't know, "Don't you think it's worth trying?"

Wooyoung finally gave up, his shoulders sinking, "...fine. But we're not doing this here. My friends are sort of...sleeping in there," he gestured to the living room.

"Okay, then take a walk with me."

It took everything in him not to point out that a _walk in the moonlight_ with San wouldn't be a very wise move, considering his not-so-friend-like feelings. Instead, he just took a second to place the bag of clothes on the floor next to Yeosang and Jongho, write a quick note to them, and step towards the door again.

"Okay, let's take a walk."

San stepped away from the doorway to give Wooyoung space to step out.

Thankfully, he was dressed okay, in a pair of basketball shorts and a loose t shirt. San's attire was a little more... _risqué_ than his own, the see-through black shirt and tight jeans blanketed by a long, thick, stylish jacket. He was also wearing makeup, smoky shades of eyeshadow accentuating his unique eyes.

Clearly, San had already gone back to _work._

Well, there was no point in beating around the bush, "I'm sorry I kissed you," Wooyoung started, "I'm sorry that I did that even though you already told me that you don't- don't do that with anyone." They were walking down the familiar path, with no particular destination in mind.

"Wooyoung, if I remember correctly, I'm actually the one who kissed you first. So I'm sorry too."

"For what? It's not like we were friends or anything then. It was for your job," he kicked a stone in his path, strolling alongside San at a leisurely pace.

"I don't let my clients kiss me. You already know this. Then why do you think I kissed you?" Wooyoung shrugged, "I don't know, maybe you wanted to give me the 'full experience' because it was my first time?" He made air quotes with his fingers.

San shook his head, "No...it was because I was being selfish. I didn't kiss you for you. I kissed you for me. Because you were- you were so * _pretty_ *, and I'd never seen someone like you in my life. So I wanted to kiss you, Wooyoung. And for that, I am sorry, because, in a way, I did take advantage of you," San exhaled heavily, and the air between them was thick was tension.

Wooyoung licked his chapped lips, trying not to focus on the fact that San had called him 'pretty', "That's- that's still no excuse for me to have kissed you, San. And after you'd told me all of that, I- I was being stupid. It was a mistake. You can just forget it ever happened."

No one said anything for more than a minute, and the silence was beginning to suffocate Wooyoung.

A whisper, " _I don't want to._ "

"Huh?"

"I don't want to forget it happened, Wooyoung," San's voice was clearer now, cutting a path through the cool night air.

"But I- you..."

San stopped walking, and sat on a bench outside the park, "Sit."

Wooyoung sat.

The air was cool, and Wooyoung's thin clothes caused a shiver to rake through him. San pretended not to notice, "You want to know something about me?"

"Hm?" His heart felt heavy. He could feel that something big was coming.

"I've never been in love before. I don't know what it feels like to get breathless at the thought of someone. I don't know what it's like to be ready to give up _everything_ for the one person you treasure the most. I don't know what it's like to make love, and not do what I do for momentary physical satisfaction alone."

Wooyoung fiddled with the hem of his shirt, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because...Jung Wooyoung, I think I might like you like that. You make me nervous, in a way no one has. You make me breathless, and my heart beats faster when I see you," he placed a hand on his own heart, "and I don't know what to do about it."

Wooyoung couldn't breathe.

He tried saying something, but he didn't know what, because _what the hell just happened?_

"Wooyoung, say something," San prompted.

"Just- just give me a moment, I-" Wooyoung swallowed thickly, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

Okay, so this was...unexpected.

There was a torturous second of silence. He looked at the marks on San's neck. They were new. Thay hadn't been there before.

And then he knew what he wanted to say, "You slept with someone."

San looked hurt for a second, panic flashing across his face, but then it was gone, "...yes, yes I did."

"Today?"

San licked his lips, crossing and uncrossing his legs repeatedly in a nervous action. He nodded, "Before I came to see you."

"Why?" Wooyoung willed his voice not to crack.

San looked down at his feet, "I had to."

Wooyoung's throat felt choked up. He was afraid to speak another word, lest tears might flow from his eyes.

San at least had the decency to look guilty, "I have no choice, Wooyoung. It's my job. I can't live if I don't do this."

Wooyoung couldn't take it anymore, "Then why would you tell me that, Choi San?! If you _have_ to sleep with people to earn money every single day, than why the hell would you tell me that you like me, when you know that it'll probably mess things up?"

This was so fucked up.

San stood up, "Oh my god, you're so dense!" His voice raised in volume, until he was almost yelling at him, "I like you, Wooyoung! I like you so much that I can't _bear_ to do my fucking job without thinking of you every single minute! I can't look someone else in the eye and tell them they're amazing if it isn't you! I can't wake up every morning and see someone in my bed that isn't _you_ , Wooyoung! I told you because I can't keep doing this with my life! Don't you see that?!" His voice was much louder now, and every word that San uttered felt like a thousand needles pricking his skin, causing tiny, micro-wounds that bled him dry.

"So what if I don't see that, San? So _what_? You like me right? Well, _I like you too!_ What the hell are we supposed to do now?" Wooyoung looked up desperately at San, as if his eyes held the answers to all his questions. But all he saw in San's eyes was a reflection of his own panic, fear and a hint of shock.

San sat down slowly, his eyes widening, "You- you like me too?"

Wooyoung nodded, "Yeah, I do."

San's demeanour calmed down, and his voice was shaky when he spoke, almost like he couldn't believe his own words, "But we can't- I can't..."

Wooyoung looked down sadly, "I know."

He flinched when San abruptly turned around and punched through the back of the bench, splinters flying everywhere, " _Damn it!_ "

Wooyoung gasped and reached out to catch San's hand, cradling it in his own, "San, don't do this." He raised the hem of his shirt to wipe at San's knuckles gently and get rid of the splinters.

San ripped his hand from Wooyoung's, and that hurt more than be was willing to admit, "Really? _Don't do this?_ " he spat, "Then what _do_ I do, Jung Wooyoung, pray tell? I thought that- that if I told you, and you said you were sorry and you didn't like me back, then- then I could go back to doing my thing, and you could do yours, and we would be friends again," his voice cracked at the word 'friends', "But this is...this is worse than anything I imagined happening. If only I-" he stopped, his eyes becoming suspiciously wet.

Wooyoung sighed, pulling San's now bleeding hand back towards him to clean it with his shirt, "I'm sorry."

"No, don't be sorry, please, just- just _don't._ "

And then San was getting up and leaving, his hand slipping out of Wooyoung's as he walked away from him into the night, wiping at his teary eyes with his uninjured hand. Wooyoung didn't move a muscle. Perhaps he should've stopped him, but he couldn't bring himself to get up and pull San back to him. He just stared after the other man as he disappeared into nothing.

A tear leaked from Wooyoung's eye, the one he'd been holding back so forcefully. That one tear was the trigger for the rest of them to fall, staining his shirt as his head fell into his hands and soft sobs left his mouth.

_What do we do now?_

*****

He didn't go to work the next day.

He couldn't, not when he knew that his foul mood would probably be taken out on the kids, and they definitely wouldn't want to be faced with an annoyed, confused, grumpy Wooyoung.

He'd managed to make it back home before midnight, walking slowly in an effort to stop the tears from blurring his vision. He opened his door and was faced with two sleeping figures. He ignored them, walking through the house to his bedroom before collapsing on the bed and crying himself to sleep.

He'd woken up with a splitting headache, and the thought of the events of the previous night had made him want to cry again, but before he could, he made a call to Yunho, telling him that he wouldn't be able to make it to work that day.

Yunho was an absolute angel. He didn't even question the sudden call, agreeing to take his shift without argument when he heard Wooyoung's trembling voice, as if he were on the edge of breaking down, and told him to take care, hanging up the call with a simple "I love you."

Wooyoung rolled over in bed, grabbing an extra pillow and hugging it tightly to his chest.

Yeosang and Jongho had left a while ago, and thankfully, they had left when he was still asleep. He didn't want to have had to explain his distraught appearance to them.

He leaned his face into the pillow, blocking out all thoughts as he hummed absent-mindedly to try and distract himself.

It didn't work.

Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw San and his stupid dimples and his stupid kissable lips, and despite his own indignation, ended up sending a text to San, asking him if was alright and if his hand was better.

San had read the message, but he hadn't replied.

Wooyoung let out a loud groan into the pillow in his arms, kicking his legs in frustration like a child would.

This was terrible. Okay, so he always knew that he had a crush on San, but this was more than a crush. A crush wouldn't make him this...miserable about life. Nope, he definitely liked San a lot more than he'd first thought.

But...San liked him back, didn't he? Shouldn't he feel at least a little happy about that?

_But how could he?_

How could he find even a shred of happiness when he knew that whatever feelings they shared would have to be suppressed and hidden away, because of San's job.

Stupid fucking prostitutes.

God, he's never wanted someone like this before. He's even been in love once, but that didn't feel like this. This was both the calm and storm at the same time. He felt an odd sense of calm at the idea that San liked him too, that he wanted Wooyoung in the same way that Wooyoung wanted him. But...there was also a deeper, bitter feeling building in him. One that was rooted in the fact that they couldn't be together, despite having mutual romantic feelings for each other.

Wooyoung knew that he had to accept that San's job was his job, no matter whom he liked, and he would have to continue with it because after all he'd been through, it was probably the only thing keeping him grounded. There was probably so much more to it that he hadn't even told Wooyoung about.

In a perfect world, maybe Wooyoung and San could have been together and defeated all odds, but this wasn't it. Here, in this world, they would have to accept that it would ever happen and move on.

It was so, so difficult though, to _know_ that San wanted Wooyoung to kiss him, to hold him close, and maybe even sleep with him, just as much as Wooyoung did, and still have to force the feelings away.

This was a weird as hell story, wasn't it?

Everyone knows about the "I love him but he doesn't love me" story, and even the "he loves me but I don't love him" story, but does anyone know the "we both love each other but can't be together because life's a bitch" story? Maybe Romeo and Juliet, but that obviously didn't end well.

Wait...love?

No, not love. Scratch that, he meant _like._

Yeah, he didn't love San, not in that way. It was way too soon for that, but he knew that if he let himself succumb to his feelings, he would get there eventually.

And that was the most terrifying thought he'd ever had.

Wooyoung hugged the pillow tighter, squeezing his eyes shut to block the world out. He wished he could lock his brain out for a while, at least the part that was constantly screaming San's name.

He sighed wistfully, a stray tear leaking from his eye due to to the position he was in, although that wasn't the only reason his eyes were wet. He tucked the pillow between his legs, curling himself into a ball, and blatantly ignored Yeosang and Seonghwa's worried texts.

Obviously Yunho had told Yeosang that he hasn't sounded too good on the phone, and now Yeosang and Seonghwa were barraging him with texts asking him what happened and how he was and if he needed anything. 

He figured he should reply at some point, or Yeosang might freak out and show up at his door, but right now he doesn't feel like engaging anyone in conversation. If he did, Yeosang or Seonghwa or whoever the hell it was would surely ask why he was feeling so down, and the last thing Wooyoung wanted was to relive the events of the previous night by having to explain them to his friends.

After the incessant beeping became too annoying for him to ignore, he grabbed his phone, replying to Seonghwa because he was definitely easier to talk to than Yeosang. He sent him a quick reply that said, 'Im fine hyung. Don't worry, tell Yeosangie too. I'm jus not feeling too great is all'.

Thankfully, Seonghwa seemed to buy it, as he got a cute smiley in reply and a 'get well soon!' gif. He cracked a tiny smile at the cute gif and then muted his phone to avoid further annoyance, placing it on the nightstand before pulling the sheets over his head and staring into nothingness, hoping that at some point he would feel well enough to get up and eat something.

He didn't feel like he could eat anything right now, with the inkling of a feeling that anything he tried to force down would probably come back up his throat and give him trouble. He definitely prefered starving to forcing himself to digest food when his system seemed to be rejecting all movement except breathing right now.

It was pretty weird, this situation.

He'd barely known San for a few weeks, and they'd only been friends for a few days, but he'd burst into his life like a wrecking ball and caused more trouble than Wooyoung had ever been in before. He'd messed up Wooyoung's idea of a perfect love story, given him the best night of his life that he couldn't regret no matter how much he tried, and he'd made him a sort of felon, all in the span of a few weeks.

He didn't want to admit that in a way, San was the crazy that he had always been missing.

He wondered what it would be like, being in a relationship with someone like Choi San. Someone who was so sweet and so kind one second and yet could make his toes curl in pleasure the next. He would probably be the closest thing to Wooyoung's perfect type, that he'd ever met. He'd always thought it was a bit of a stretch to want someone who could make him see stars and tear him apart, and also be the one to take him on cute dates and hold his hand and kiss his cheek innocently. Somehow, San seemed to fit the description perfectly.

They'd already had sex before, so Wooyoung knew how exhilarating it was, being in bed with Choi San, and he'd also seen a totally different side of him, the side that was vulnerable and small and wanted to be held. Wooyoung found everything about San, each of his different dimensions, to be as endearing and irresistible as the next. It was probably what prompted the less-than-platonic feelings for the other man in the first place.

He shook his head forcefully, eliminating all thoughts of him and San being together. It would do neither of them any good to live in fantasies and forget reality, which was harsher and more cruel than any conjured up world could possibly be.

Of course, Wooyoung _wanted_ to be with him. But was this desire really so extreme that he would forget himself for it? Was it worth so many tears? Because who was to say that San was like any of his dreams at all? What if he wasn't the dream guy Wooyoung had pictured, and was just another one of those fling type guys? What if all he wanted was to get in Wooyoung's pants and had become a little too invested in the idea? Then what?

Now what?

 _Nothing_ , Wooyoung's mind supplied, _absolutely nothing_.

That's right. He wouldn't do anything, and he'd just try as hard as he could to forget about Choi San and move on with his life, because musing about the unknown- and more importantly, the impossible- would probably throw him way off track, and blur the lines he'd so clearly drawn for himself.

He would do nothing, unless San did something first. If the latter reached out to him, or made it apparent that he hadn't completely cut Wooyoung out of his life after the previous night, then he would reciprocate, and maybe open up a bit to San as well. Otherwise, well, he'd probably just go back to being to being 'dancer Wooyoung,' with a normal life and a normal job and normal friendships that didn't involve any unnecessarily complicated feelings.

Either way, he was pretty sure there wouldn't be any activity from that side, because San seemed to have completely blocked him out since he'd walked away from him last night, leaving him alone on that bench with his stupid self-deprecating thoughts and worthless tears.

Doing nothing might be harder than he'd first thought, but if it was what was needed for San to be happy- well, as happy as he could be- then he would do it without a second thought.

 _Good luck, Jung Wooyoung. You'll need it,_ said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Yunho.

He ignored it.

*****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty intense, huh? Y'all must hate me so much right now xD
> 
> Honestly I don't know why I make my characters so sad, they've been crying a lot, poor babies🙄 
> 
> So what did you think, guys? Has this story progressed as you expected it to? Leave a comment and subscribe to follow my story! 😁 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Missed me?
> 
> I was listening to Love you Goodbye by One Direction while writing this, so extreme feels 😣😣😣😣😣 Hope you like it!  
> Okay, I would put warnings here, but y'all have gotten this far already, so just go on ahead. 
> 
> Comment and subscribe!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung gasped as the kiss deepened, and a leg was shoved between his thighs, locking him in place. He licked into San's mouth, muffled sounds escaping him as he tried to remember exactly what drove him to this.

He remembered San texting him, telling him that he would come around soon to colect his hoodie, and Wooyoung expected a simple "here you go", and perhaps a "thanks" in return, sort of deal. And then San would leave. And then Wooyoung would be by himself again, like he'd been for the past week and a half.

What he didn't expect, though, was for San to step inside his apartment the minute he'd seen him and push him hard against the door, effectively cutting off all his thought processes by pulling him into a searing kiss.

San bit at his lips almost desperately, hands placed firmly on the door on either side of Wooyoung, trapping him there. Wooyoung didn't have the will to let go, and just let himself give in to the incessant need to have San's lips on his.

_You're weak, Jung Wooyoung._

Yes, yes he was.

But he couldn't bring himself to care when San's hands and lips were doing wonders for him, sending sharp tingles down his spine. Tingles that he wanted to feel forever.

_Weak._

He kissed San deeper, their tongues meeting each other as San let a groan escape into his mouth. If Wooyoung opened his eyes, he would notice the suspicious new bruises decorating San's collarbone. But his eyes were closed, and San was perfect behind his closed lids, and the only one San would kiss like this was him. The only one San would give himself to was Wooyoung.

He bit San's bottom lip more forcefully then he'd intended to, pulling back before letting it go and diving in again to lock their lips together like a starved man. San reciprocated just as eagerly, their kisses growing more intense by the second, until Wooyoung was sure that the other man was out to devour him. His shirt felt hot against his skin, despite the thin material, and he was suddenly too aware of everything, every tiny sensation and brush of their lips and tongues and San's hands travelling slowly up and down Wooyoung's back. He probably should pull away, he really, really should, but...

_Weak._

And then the voice in his head became too loud, loud enough that he was sure someone was actually yelling at him, and he finally got the strength to push San off him and pull back with a loud gasp.

He panted, breathless, and neither of them said a word, studying each other's faces for the slightest crack, the slightest hint of vulnerability that would give them an opening to pounce on.

It never came.

San's face was as stoic as it could be, almost like what they'd just done didn't affect him in the least. Wooyoung hoped he didn't give away any of his emotions on his face, as he was usually an open book, and also because his head was currently a mess of jumbled thoughts and feelings, and he wasn't really sure which part of his brain he had to listen to right now. The part that was telling him to yell at San for kissing him so suddenly, or the part that wanted him to say _fuck it,_ and pull San into his bedroom to have his way with him. San seeing through any of them would probably mean literal death.

Okay, so maybe that was a little dramatic, but you get the idea.

Surprisingly, it was San who broke the silence, "Uh..." Although, maybe not really.

"What the _fuck_ , Choi San?" Words. Yes, words. He could finally say those now.

"Uh..."

"What was that?" Wooyoung looked him accusingly, as though his gaze would crack San and make him blurt out a proper response that wasn't just 'uh...'

"I'm _sorry_ , Wooyoung," San said suddenly, after a second of silence, and Wooyoung visibly flinched at his hoarse voice, deeper than usual. He didn't want to imagine what, or _who_ made San's voice like that.

"I'm _sorry_ ", he repeated, "I- I didn't think that would happen. I just came to get my hoodie, I swear. I thought I could just get it and leave but- but then I saw you and you were so beautiful and so _you_ , that I couldn't stop myself from doing that," San looked everywhere but him, clearly avoiding his gaze. Wooyoung wasn't having it, "San, look at me."

He finally did, and Wooyoung was a little surprised to see fear there, almost as if he was afraid that Wooyoung would do something he didn't like, "The very point of us not talking or meeting was to prevent this," Wooyoung gestured vaguely between them, "from happening. And if your first reaction once you saw me was to kiss me, then I don't think it's worked very well."

San ran a hand through his hair, where the red was fading into his natural black, "Look, I tried, okay? I tried to cut you out of my life, I tried to forget what you make me feel," it didn't go unnoticed by Wooyoung that San said 'make', as if he was still feeling those things, "But....I can't. After I left you alone that night, I regretted it. Maybe not immediately, because I was too preoccupied with my anger at myself, but once I reached the club, I- I wanted to see you again. I've wanted to see you, talk to you, _kiss_ you ever since I realized my feelings, and it isn't going away!"

Wooyoung stepped back, almost as if he was shying away, but San pressed on, "Goddammit Jung Wooyoung, I missed you so much that I said your name when I was with a client, and it nearly got me fired!"

Wooyoung's eyes widened a little, and his brows furrowed. He knew what he had to say, and he would say it, despite every part of him screaming for him not to lose San, "That's...that's why, I think it's best if we stopped talking altogether. Let's be strangers again, San. If you're this set on continuing with what you do, then I can't be the one to take it away."

" _That's the fucking problem_ , don't you see? It's my only lifeline, the only thing I can do to build my living, and it's the one thing keeping me away from what I want!" He didn't say what it was that he wanted, but Wooyoung was pretty sure he meant him, "I can't leave my job, Wooyoung. It's all I have. I have no family, no dignity, no friends, no _life_ , if I leave right now. It's not like I even have enough money to stay anywhere. But if I left....I could have _you._ "

"I'm not asking you to choose between your life and me, San, please. Your life obviously matters more. Why is it so hard for you to let go of me?" Wooyoung was almost begging him at this point.

"Because...because I think you're the best thing that's ever happened in my useless life, and I don't want to let you go, just as much as I don't want to let go of my stupid job because it's all I have," San sighed, as if he had given up trying to argue with himself, "Wooyoung, I-" he stopped for a second to consider his own words as Wooyoung stood expectantly in front of him.

And then San had made his decision, although it was an extremely precarious one and it could go either way, "You're right. I shouldn't give up what I have left of my life, but would you- would you let me have one last moment of weakness? Please?" He asked.

Wooyoung crossed his arms defensively, apprehension clear on his face, "What does that mean?"

San took a deep breath, meeting Wooyoung's gaze head on, "Kiss me, Wooyoung. One last time. That all I ask. Then I promise I'll leave you alone and I'll deal with my own broken heart and broken life," he stepped closer to Wooyoung carefully, as if approaching a predator, "Please?"

Wooyoung didn't want to listen to him. He knew that kissing San again would be like taking one final swig of a fatal drug before letting it go, only for it to slowly eat away at him like he knew the memory of this would. But then he was looking at San, and San was looking at him too, gaze pleading, open, and for once, lacking any sort of mask. All he saw was solemnity and a hint of pure vulnerability.

Before he could stop himself, he was nodding, taking a step closer till they were a foot apart, pausing, waiting for San to make the first move.

San placed a foot forward, then another, until he and Wooyoung were a hair's breadth apart, their eyes locking deeply. San reached out to grasp both of Wooyoung's hands in his, interlocking their fingers gently, as he allowed himself to smile a little.

Wooyoung leaned in, shutting his eyes, and then their lips met in the middle, softer than they'd ever been.

It was absolutely unreal.

He felt warm, and his heart did that annoying fluttering thing when San squeezed his hands. His heart definitely skipped a beat, maybe two, as it dawned on him that he was actually kissing San, the very man he'd been scorned by just a few days back. Now, he was falling into him like quicksand, being dragged down helplessly as his brain exploded into a thousand fireworks.

San's hands let go of Wooyoung's, slightly sweaty palm travelling up his clothed back and winding into his fading blonde hair, the other resting on Wooyoung's waist.

It was a like the kiss that teenagers dreamed of, full of innocence and tenderness. Wooyoung's hands were placed on San's shoulders as he shifted closer to him. San was smiling against his mouth, content despite the circumstances, as his left arm wound itself around Wooyoung's waist to pull him in.

He felt his cheeks heat up from the intimacy. Despite it outwardly being the most simple, innocent kiss he'd shared with anyone, it felt like San was seeing every part of Wooyoung. Parts of him that he couldn't see even when he'd seen Wooyoung completely naked. It was...weirdly confortable, as if he was meant to be in San's arms and be kissed by him. It was _right_.

The thought enabled Wooyoung to let himself go just a little bit further, poking his tongue out to nudge San's mouth open as he arched into the kiss.

 _It's okay,_ he told himself. _This was okay. San didn't kiss anyone else like this. This was Wooyoung's kiss alone._

God, it absolutely killed him, the fact that someone like this, someone so... beautiful and exquisite had done such low things just to earn himself a living. A man who deserved to be treasured and spoiled, was instead being used as merely a tool to please others. It was sickening.

A crazy thought came to him.

"San," he mumbled, not pulling away.

"Hmm?" San hummed, moving to place feather light kisses on Wooyoung's pink cheeks.

Well, it was now or never.

"Since this is probably our last memory together, how about we make it a good one...?" His question hung in the air, as he waited for San to understand what he was implying.

As realisation dawned on San, he pulled back from Wooyoung, looking at him with the eyes of a man who was completely enraptured by the sight in front of him, "...are you sure?"

Wooyoung nodded, gaze firm, "You've never slept with someone you've had feelings for, have you?" San shook his head. "Well, let me help you learn what that's like. Just let go for one night, okay? Let's spend one night together, and then I'll let you go," it was ironic, how the tables had turned, and now Wooyoung was the one asking San to stay with him.

San couldn't even try to argue, as he knew that he would be agreeing to it anyway. It was...tantalising, the idea of seeing Wooyoung like that again, all sweaty and tired out under him, looking completely satiated. It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and the chance to have that again, even just once, was too tempting to ignore, "Okay."

A new intent washed over San's body, sending a subtle shiver through him as Wooyoung wrapped a hand around his wrist and pulled him in the direction of his bedroom.

Once they stepped inside, San asked Wooyoung if they could turn the light on, only to receive a questioning stare in return, "I want to see you, Wooyoung. I want to remember all of this, properly," and Wooyoung's shy giggle after that was totally worth it, as he went to turn the light on and sit down on the edge of the bed.

San closed the remaining distance between them, standing in front of Wooyoung and leaning down to kiss him again.

Wooyoung melted into it, hands moving to cup San's face gently as he smiled against the other's lips. San nudged him backwards slowly until Wooyoung was lying against the mattress, San hovering over him. He kicked his way up a little so his head was resting comfortably on the pillow, and waited for San to adjust to the position, with his forearms bearing his weight on either side of Wooyoung's head.

Wooyoung giggled softly, and pulled San down as if to kiss him, but avoided his lips, instead leaning up to press a chaste kiss to his forehead, "I really, really like you, Choi San." San's eyes widened at the sweet gesture, and then he melted into a warm smile at Wooyoung's words, "I like you too, Wooyoung-ah."

Wooyoung grinned, unreasonably happy despite it being the last time he would have this, and chose not to dwell on the future as he pulled San down to reconnect their lips.

As they got more daring, Wooyoung hiked a leg up and around San's waist, keeping him pressed against his frame. His hands went to the top of San's shirt, undoing the buttons one by one as San shifted his attention to Wooyoung's jaw, peppering it with soft kisses.

San shrugged the shirt off of his shoulders before making quick work of Wooyoung's as well and throwing both discarded garments on the ground. He looked at Wooyoung, taking in his smooth, unmarked skin and admiring the firm plane of his torso, taking his time unlike the last time they'd done this, when it was more about just getting it over with.

Now, they were both fully in the moment, and San wasn't doing this because he had to, or for the money. No, now, it was just him and Wooyoung, experiencing a physical connection alongside their very prominent emotional bond as well, and this, he didn't want to ever forget.

Wooyoung felt his face become warm under San's dark gaze trailing across his exposed skin, "Oh my god, San. Stop staring!" San chuckled, his eyes moving back up to meet Wooyoung's, pupils clearly dilated in arousal, "You're pretty, have I told you that?"

Wooyoung let out an undignified squeak, covering his face with both his hands, "Don't say such things, it's embarrassing," he felt San's hands come up to move his off his face, pinning his wrists to the bed at either side of his head before leaning down to kiss him.

"It's true, though," San mumbled against his lips, voice low, "You're very pretty, Jung Wooyoung."

Before could try and come up with a proper response to that, San was kissing down his chin and to his jaw, moving to his neck before placing a lingering kiss at the base of his throat. There was a wet trail leading to his throat, and it probably should have felt disgusting, but Wooyoung couldn't think of anything more amazing than this.

San raised his head, "Can I leave marks?"

Wooyoung nodded. He could just wear a turtleneck to work or something, "Yeah," his own breathy voice made him embarassed about how turned on he was already.

San turned his attention to Wooyoung's neck, tongue laving over his collarbone before pressing his lips to the spot, sucking firmly to create a mark that would definitely last a few days at least. Wooyoung let a gasp escape him, hands squirming to be freed in San's tight hold as he tilted his head to grant San more access to his skin. San didn't stop at that, moving down his neck to his chest as he left small red bruises on Wooyoung's skin.

Once San was satisfied by the myriad of prominent bruises decorating Wooyoung's skin, he leaned back to admire his own work for a second before moving to peck Wooyoung on the lips, shorter than he would've liked, but he had priorities right now.

Wooyoung tried chasing after San's lips, but the other man dodged him, pressing a kiss to the mole under his eye instead, "This is really cute."

"What?"

"This mole here," he kissed it again, "and this one," he let one of Wooyoung's hands go, to tilt his chin up with a finger, pressing their lips together innocently. He licked over the mole on Wooyoung's bottom lip, "Cute."

Wooyoung was too frustrated by his tight pants to reply, his free hand moving down to undo the button of San's jeans single-handedly.

San chuckled, "Wow, you're good at this for a second-timer."

"What can I say?" Wooyoung quipped in return, "I learn fast," and then San's zipper was being pulled down, and Wooyoung tugged at his jeans impatiently. San moved off of him for a second, letting go of Wooyoung's other hand from his firm grip to pull his pants off and toss them on the floor. He was wearing underwear this time, and that disappeared too, until San was seated in front of him completely naked.

Wooyoung got a little lost, as his eyes trailed over San's impressive figure, licking his lips as he took in San's hard muscles and thick, strong thighs. Then he realised that San was staring expectantly at him, and he scrambled to strip his pants and boxers off together and kick them off the bed.

San smirked mischievously, dimple appearing on the side of his face, as he leaned over Wooyoung, trapping him with his dark, heady gaze. Wooyoung tried not to mention the clear bruises on San's neck, that left little to the imagination.

His heart squeezed in on itself for a second when he noticed bite marks under San's ears, and had the sudden urge to leave his mark on San's skin, darker than the rest so that San would remember nothing but the feeling of Wooyoung's lips on his skin.

Gaining a sudden burst of confidence, he pushed San by the chest and rolled them over- thankfully his bed was large enough- so that San's body was pinned under his.

San's smirk faded and he raised his eyebrows at Wooyoung's surprisingly assertive gesture, until his face morphed into a small smile, "Hi there."

"...hi," Wooyoung breathed, before he leaned forward to blanket San's body with his own and kiss him hard. He didn't spend too much time there though, intent on painting San's skin just as red as his own.

As he pulled away from San's lips, the latter reached forward with a small whine, that seemed more submissive than Wooyoung had thought he could be.

_Interesting._

He went right to San's jaw, latching his lips onto the skin and sucking hard enough to leave a mark. San's low, raspy groan as his hand came to cradle Wooyoung's head made Wooyoung realise just how needy he actually was for San to touch him. 

Wooyoung trailed kisses down his neck, stopping just above his collarbone where a faint red bruise was visible, and pressed his lips right next to that very spot before letting his teeth nip the skin gently. He was hellbent on making San forget all the bruises on his skin but the ones that Wooyoung left there.

It seemed to work, as San threw his head back and arched up against Wooyoung, their cocks rubbing against each other making them both gasp loudly.

Wooyoung had a certain thought, but he wasn't sure whether he was willing to let himself go that far. He figured he would try anyway, and left one last open mouthed kiss on San's chest before looking up at him, "Can I suck you off?" He asked, and San's reaction was just as shocked as he had expected it to be.

He dropped his head forward to stare at Wooyoung, dumbfounded, "...what?!"

"I said," Wooyoung commented leisurely, "Can I suck you off?"

"Yes- yes I know you said that, but...do you really want to? I mean-"

Wooyoung silenced him with a kiss, "I want to," he paused, leaning back to observe San, "But you might have to guide me through it. I've never done this before."

San scrambled backwards to lean against the pillows so that he was half sitting up, "Yeah- yeah, okay," he swallowed thickly, arousal numbing his mind, "I'll- I'll guide you through."

Wooyoung smiled, placing a kiss on San's sternum before moving down his body, alternating between soft kisses and harsh bites that made San's toes curl.

All of a sudden, he was overcome by a rush of sadness as he had the thought that he would never have this again. He kissed up over San's skin, moving to the left side of his chest. He leaned his cheek against it, feeling San's heart thrumming away underneath, "I'm going to miss you, San."

San's hand moved to the back of Wooyoung's head, holding him gently in place on his chest, "Me too."

"I wish you didn't have to leave me," Wooyoung admitted, his hand drawing patterns over San's naked skin, "I wish we could give us a chance."

San sighed, "I guess I just don't deserve someone like you, and the universe is forcing me to realise that."

Wooyoung stared up at San indignantly, "That's stupid, saying that you don't deserve me. You deserve even better than me, Choi San."

"I don't think that'll be easy to find," San said, "Just don't forget me okay?"

Wooyoung moved from his position on San's chest to hover over him. He shook his head, "Never."

He could never forget Choi San. Choi San, with his cute smile and adorable dimples and deep, seductive eyes and soft petal pink lips and his beautiful heart.

He smiled a little sadly, pressing a gentle kiss right over San's heart. The heart that would now never be his. 

Wooyoung shifted to trace his fingers across San's waist as his lips made tracks across his chest and stomach. Wooyoung pressed his lips to the dip of San's lean waist and sucked a mark into the skin, receiving a breathy moan in response.

He moved down to mouth at San's hipbone, all the while gripping San's waist like an anchor, "I'm going to miss you so much," he whispered into his skin, too soft for San to hear.

Wooyoung finally allowed himself to venture further, shifting downwards on the bed so that he could comfortably grip San's thighs with both his hands as he came face to face with San's erect length. He licked his lips, considering his next actions.

He began by sucking marks into San's supple thighs, since the idea was considerably less daunting than putting his dick in his mouth right away. San squirmed above him, thighs trembling as he tried to close them, but Wooyoung's firm grip on them prevented any movement.

He looked up at San, waiting for some sort of sign that he could go ahead. San nodded at him, snaking a hand into his hair as Wooyoung leaned forward, "Go on."

Wooyoung let his tongue poke out from his lips as he licked over the head of San's length tentatively.

It wasn't particularly...good or bad except for the bitter taste of San's precome. He forced himself to ignore it and went a little further, wrapping his lips around the flushed head.

San's response was instantaneous. His grip tightened in Wooyoung's hair, and he let a low curse escape him.

Satisfied by the response, Wooyoung tried sinking down a little further, and suddenly found himself gagging, immediately pulling back and letting out a cough.

"Hey, hey, go slow, okay?" San advised, voice gentle. Wooyoung nodded and swallowed, before lining himself up again.

This time, he was prepared for the burn of his throat as he sank down, his hair falling into his face thankfully hiding the raging blush of his cheeks. He sank down to about halfway and tried hollowing his cheeks to suck gently, careful that his teeth didn't graze San's length.

He had clearly done something good, because San let out a loud moan that sent Wooyoung's blood straight to his crotch, "Yeah...just like that. Keep going," San encouraged, his hand guiding Wooyoung to bob his head. He followed the movement of San's hand in his hair, going along with it as he pulled Wooyoung off and gave him a breather before dragging him back again.

Wooyoung tried to push himself to take more of San in, but he couldn't get past a little more than half, and ended up pulling away when he felt himself gagging. He panted for breath, looking up at San through his lashes.

The gaze that met him was so hot, so dark and animalistic as if San were about to grab him and fuck his throat any moment now. He knew that wouldn't happen though, San was too caring to manhandle Wooyoung that way, not when he was this inexperienced.

He leaned forward to take San in his mouth, stopping when he couldn't go any deeper, to suck gently. He wondered how San had managed to fit the whole of him inside his mouth. Practise, probably.

Well, San seemed to feeling pretty good, if the breathy sounds escaping his parted lips were any indication, so Wooyoung felt happy that he was able to make San feel this way, even if just once in his life.

San had to hold himself back from thrusting into Wooyoung's mouth, "Use your hands, Wooyoung," he instructed, and Wooyoung brought his hand to help him along, as it covered the part that he couldn't reach with his mouth.

After a few moments, San was yanking Wooyoung off by the hair, causing him to let out a pained whine, before pulling him up to kiss him on the mouth. He could taste himself in Wooyoung's mouth, but it was pretty hot, to know where that mouth had just been.

Once San had let go of him, Wooyoung breathed heavily, voce raspy and deep, "Why'd you- why'd you stop me?" He questioned.

"If you kept going like that, I wouldn't have lasted another second," San replied, before bending to suck a mark under Wooyoung's ear. The latter moaned in response, his hand running across San's chest and shoulders.

And then Wooyoung's world was spinning, as San flipped them over so he was on top, and pressed a chaste kiss to Wooyoung's lips. He arched up against San, grinding their hard cocks together, and they moaned in unison. Wooyoung could feel himself already leaking and wet on his own stomach, whole body feeling hot and wound up.

"San...please," he breathed, rocking his hips up.

San kissed him again, before getting up and moving off the bed to get a condom and a bottle of lube from his pant pocket.

Wooyoung chuckled, "Why do you have that? Were you planning on this when you came here?"

"Honey, I'm a prostitute, I don't go anywhere without these," he grinned, climbing back on the bed and kneeling in front of Wooyoung.

The latter giggled, "Honey?"

"Well, you're sweet," San shrugged, "so...honey."

"It's cute."

"Yeah?"

Wooyoung nodded, making grabby hands at San. The latter smiled at his eagerness and swatted his hands away gently, "Patience."

He spread Wooyoung legs with his hands, and Wooyoung flushed from bring spread open like this in front of him, "You're beautiful, Wooyoung," he stated, "You're really beautiful. Both inside and out."

Wooyoung smiled warmly, taking San's hand in his, "Thank you."

San chuckled, "You're also unbelievably sexy, I'll have you know." And Wooyoung sputtered out something that turned into a moan when San pressed a lubed finger inside him.

San held Wooyoung's hip in place as he pressed one finger inside his tight heat, waiting for him to adjust before pushing another one in.

Soon, San was three fingers deep in him and the smaller was almost thrashing in pleasure, San's fingers grazing that spot inside of him every so often, " _San_ ," he breathed, "San, stop, I'm going to come-" and he cut himself off with a low groan when San hit his prostate again.

Thankfully, San listened, and retracted his hand, wiping off the excess lube on Wooyoung's thigh, much to his disgust. San ignored Wooyoung's cry of protest and shushed him with a kiss, "Can I continue?" San asked against Wooyoung's lips. He received a nod in return, and smiled reassuringly before lining himself up with Wooyoung.

He leaned down to kiss Wooyoung as he pushed inside, and swallowed Wooyoung's harsh gasp as their tongues met. Both of Wooyoung's hands flew to his shoulders, gripping tightly, and San held Wooyoung's thighs firmly as he kept kissing him to distract him from the uncomfortable feeling down below.

San noticed that Wooyoung was tensing up, and smoothed his lips over his bare shoulders to try and will him to calm down, "Relax," he tried.

Wooyoung shut his eyes, breathing deeply as he tried not to focus on the burning pain in his ass, "...yeah." He drew his attention to San's gentle kisses across his shoulders and collarbones, his own hands moving to San's back.

A few moments passed, and the pain faded into a dull throb as San bottomed out. Wooyoung let him know that he could move by pushing his hips up against San's, and he seemed to get the message, as his grip on Wooyoung's thick thighs tightened.

He pulled out almost fully, and pushed back in, and Wooyoung was whining, " _San_ ," he managed, his voice high and breathy, "Please."

And then San was giving into his own desires, picking up the pace, until Wooyoung was a whimpering, whining mess on the sheets. He giggled at the thought of Wooyoung being a pillow princess, and pulled him into a wet kiss, licking over his lips and biting gently at the dark spot on Wooyoung's bottom lip.

Wooyoung keened against San, and his cock ached for attention, trapped between their sweaty bodies, "Touch me, please," he moaned, and San happily obliged, moving one hand from Wooyoung's thigh to his cock, stroking it in time with his harsh thrusts. He shifted a little to balance himself properly, and Wooyoung threw his head back, choking on a whimper, " _Oh my god-_ " clearly, he'd found his sweet spot.

San aimed his thrusts at that one spot, moving faster until all they could hear was the sounds of Wooyoung's whimpers and San's low groans, accompanied by the sound of skin slapping together. Wooyoung's cheeks and neck were flushed a dark pink, making him look absolutely ethereal to San, and the latter had no qualms in saying so, receiving a shy smile in return.

Soon enough, Wooyoung felt the coil in his stomach begin to build up, and San leaned over him, his hand not stopping it's motions. Wooyoung groaned and rolled his hips against San's, meeting him at every thrust, and the moment San locked his eyes with his, he knew was a goner.

He came with no warning, staining San's hand and his own stomach as his eyes rolled back in his head and his mouth fell open in white hot pleasure. It was this sight that did it for San, who was coming into the condom almost immediately after Wooyoung, pulling him into a rough kiss as he rode out his high.

Wooyoung dropped his head back against the pillow, his hair falling around his head in a halo of sorts. He panted and gasped as he tried to come back to reality, eyes fluttering shut. He felt San pull out of him, and whined at the feeling, but didn't try to move, as he threw his arm over his eyes and tried to catch his breath.

When he moved his arm and opened his eyes, San was sitting in front of him and clutching a wet cloth, smoothing it over Wooyoung's thighs and stomach. He had seemed to have already cleaned himself up, and his soft cock hung between his legs, condom nowhere to be seen.

Once he was done wiping Wooyoung down, San chucked the cloth into the laundry tub and faced Wooyoung, who was already looking at him.

Wooyoung reached out, "Come here." San crawled into his embrace, falling onto the sheets beside Wooyoung, skin still covered with a thin layer of sweat. Wooyoung didn't care, though, and pulled San into his arms, hugging him tightly to his chest, before reaching out to turn off the light.

San finally allowed himself to consider the implications of what they had just done. He pushed his face into Wooyoung's neck, placing a kiss there, and he felt his eyes well up with tears, "Wooyoung-ah," was all he could say, as he raised his own arms to wrap around Wooyoung's waist and hold him close.

Wooyoung sighed above him, the action causing his chest to rise and fall gently, "I know."

San cried.

Wooyoung didn't.

And then they fell asleep just like that, naked and wrapped up in each other's warm embrace.

*****

The next morning, Wooyoung and San woke up together, and shared a simple kiss before getting up to shower and dress, and San refused to stay for breakfast, insisting that if he did, then he could never get himself to leave.

Wooyoung didn't say that that was what he wanted.

He stared at San as he put his phone into his pocket, after having texted Mingi that he would be back soon. Wooyoung wanted to cry. He didn't want San to leave him.

But what other choice did they have?

Wooyoung walked towards where San was standing near the door, and pulled him in for a tight hug. He pressed his cheek against San's, trying to make himself believe that the wetness on his cheeks was sweat.

San didn't hold back, encircling his arms around Wooyoung's waist and ducking his head into his shoulder, "Thank you, Wooyoung. For everything."

Wooyoung sniffed, wiping his tears with his palm, "I hope you find your happiness, Sannie."

San bit his lip, stepping away from the hug, "I- I should go."

"I know."

And San placed one last lingering kiss on Wooyoung's lips and pecked the mole under his eye, "Bye, Wooyoung-ah."

San walked out the door.

"Bye, Sannie," his voice cracked when he noticed San's tears streaming down his cheeks.

San turned away from him, the sound of his footsteps echoing in the quiet of the morning.

And then he was gone.

Before Wooyoung shut the door, he opened his mouth to speak. He could barely form the words through his tears, but he managed somehow;

" _I love you, Sannie._ "

The door slammed shut.

*****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I swear I choked up while writing this, especially that last part😭 
> 
> Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter, and subscribe for more!! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! 
> 
> Omg, I can't even tell you how thankful I am that this story has done so well on ao3, I never expected more than five thousand hits and over 100 comments, like y'all wow!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️😘🤭🤭 
> 
> So at this, point, I'd like to ask you to check out my other fics as well, if you can☺️ 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support, and please continue following Baby don't like it on ao3, thanks again!! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung sunk down against the door, sitting with his back against it as his head fell in hands.

He cried into his fingers, tears wetting his palms, but eventually he was all out of tears and was only sniffing a little from time to time, his heart feeling like someone had bashed a hammer against it.

He should've known it would come to this.

He should've known better than to let San into his bed.

He should've known.

He _did_ know.

But he didn't act otherwise, too taken in by the enigma that was Choi San.

Now he was in love with a man whom he probably wouldn't ever see again. This was- and it was saying something- the craziest, stupidest and most uncharacteristic thing Wooyoung had done in his life. He had fallen helplessly for San's large heart and irresistible charm, and now there was no way out except to force himself to fall out of love.

_God, like things weren't complicated enough already, now I have to deal with a one-sided love?_

He grabbed his phone, dialling one of the few numbers he knew by heart, and placed it to his ear. The other line was answered after three rings, "Hello?"

"Yeosang-ah," he whined, "Yeosang-ah, can you come over?" At least he wasn't crying anymore, having numbed himself to the heart-wrenching pain a little, although there was still a telltale throbbing in his chest region.

"Now?"

"Yeah," then it occurred to him that he might be an inconvenience to his friend, "if you're free," he added,after a moment of consideration.

"I'm free," he heard, and there was a little shuffling around, "Be there in five."

Wooyoung finally managed to force himself to get up from the door and make his way to the couch, slumping down on top of it.

He wanted to hit himself.

What the hell was he thinking?

How could he have done something so...so irresponsible without considering the consequences? Now, he was just paying for his own lack of sense, and his heart was the one to blame, for falling so hard and so fast.

Although...even after all that had happened, he couldn't deny that the previous night had been...magical. It was absolutely surreal, having been connected to the man he loved like that, thoroughly comfortable and content smiles exchanged between them as they shared moments more intimate than Wooyoung had ever shared with anyone before, including his first love.

Even though he hadn't realised that he loved San till that morning, Wooyoung suspected it had been building in him for a while. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been so devastated as he was.

It was all still a little dreamlike, the fact that what was supposed to have been a simple goodbye kiss had turned into an irreplaceable night of pleasure, and now the very object of that pleasure had slipped out of his reach, almost like a wisp of cool air that had disappeared the moment he'd started to get used to it, melting into the atmosphere without a trace.

Wooyoung was so in love, and he was so fucking screwed.

The unlocked door opened, and Yeosang stepped in, looking unrealistically perfect for nine o clock in the morning. Trust Yeosang to set unachievable beauty standards at all times.

Seeing his friend, something in Wooyoung snapped, and he reached for Yeosang, his eyes filling with tears he didn't know he had left, "Yeosang-ie," his voice was hoarse and raspy from crying, "I'm so stupid."

Yeosang pocketed his phone and shut the door, dropping down on the couch beside Wooyoung, pulling the younger into the curve of his arm, "What happened?" he asked.

Wooyoung sank into his best friend's comforting warmth and sighed, "Promise you won't kill me for this?"

Yeosang shrugged, "Depends."

Wooyoung managed a humorless chuckle, "I'm in love with San," he finally said, waiting for the shocked reaction that was sure to come.

He never got one.

Yeosang simply pulled him closer, "How did that happen?" He didn't seem half-surprised by Wooyoung's admission, which confused Wooyoung a little bit, but he didn't dwell on it, choosing instead to answer the proposed question.

"I- I slept with him last night, as a goodbye gift," he blinked harshly, "and earlier this morning, he- he left. Then I realised how much I didn't want him to go, how much I- I want to _be_ with him, and I'm just in love with him and it _hurts_ , Yeosangie," he finished, firmly holding back desperate cries as he pushed his face into his best friends chest.

"...wow," Yeosang said simply, patting Wooyoung on the head like he was a child, "That's...a lot."

Wooyoung looked up at him pleadingly, "What do I do?" He tried, hoping to get some sort of appropriate answer from Yeosang, something different from his mind was telling him. The only things he could think of doing were either force himself to fall out of love, or maybe just go and beg for San to stay with him. That would be absolutely disastrous, considering that all that they had done was to prevent their feelings from developing further, and then Wooyoung had gone and done just that.

Yeosang offered him a sympathetic glance, "You know what you should do?" He answered, "Absolutely nothing. If I were you, I wouldn't nurse my broken heart or try anything right now, because clearly you're not able to think straight. So you should just get on with your life Wooyoungie, because isn't that what you wanted to happen after all of this?"

He had never thought of it that way. He wanted to reply, but Yeosang was already talking again.

"You have a job to get to, and a life to live, and San has the same too. So whether you love him, or he loves you back, can't matter now, because you left each other anyway. So just call Yunho and go to work, okay?" Yeosang smiled triumphantly, proud of his own speech.

Wooyoung's jaw dropped from the sincerity and concern for him that Yeosang had just displayed, "I think that's the wisest thing I've ever heard you say. "

"Thanks."

A moment of silence passed, and Wooyoung finally spoke, albeit a little hesitantly, "So...."

"So what, dumbass? Go to work!" Yeosang said, as if it was obvious, and pushed him away from his embrace, "Go be the awesome dancer Jung Wooyoung, and not the sad-faced-puppy you're being now. You'll feel better."

Wooyoung sniffed, and stood up determinedly, "Yeah. Yeah, I'll go to work," he smiled at Yeosang, the first real smile he'd managed since he'd been with San, "Thanks Yeosang-ah. I owe you one."

"You owe me many, now get your ass out of here," Yeosang prompted, shoving him good-naturedly.

Wooyoung let out a watery giggle and grabbed his phone, dialling Yunho's number, "Yunho-yah?"

_"Hey, what's up? I'm at the studio already."_

"Okay, I'll be there in ten!" he announced chirpily, giving Yeosang one last hug before getting ready to leave. Yeosang left first, because he had to go to work too, and then Wooyoung shut the front door behind himself, hopping into his car.

His head still hurt from all the crying, and even after washing it, his face felt puffy and bloated. His heart still hurt horribly, and felt unnaturally heavy inside his chest, but now, it didn't make Wooyoung want to flop on the ground and cry himself to sleep. No, now he felt the need to _do_ something.

Perhaps take a step towards moving on from the 'Choi San' phase of his life.

Soon enough, he was at the studio, and noticed that the lights were on, and could hear the steady thrumming of the bass even through the closed door. 

He placed his thumb on the fingerprint sensor, and the door slid open, allowing him in.

The moment he stepped inside the air-conditioned room, Yunho turned the music off and approached him, "Hey, dude! What's- oh..." He trailed off when he noticed Wooyoung's bloodshot eyes, and swollen, bitten lips, "Have you been crying?"

Wooyoung looked away, placing his backpack in the corner of the room, "Long story."

"Do you- um...wanna talk or something?" Yunho asked, looking concerned.

Wooyoung flashed him a sincere smile, "No, it's okay. I talked to Yeosangie already. He helped me feel better."

Yunho stared as Wooyoung went to unzip his hoodie and walk over to the centre in just his t shit and sweatpants, starting to do his usal stretches, "So...what? I'm getting nothing? No details?" He turned to the Wooyoung in the mirror, "Some best friend you are," he huffed, but there was no bite behind it.

Wooyoung dropped into a split, lifting his hands above his head before bending to touch the floor, "I'll fill you in later," he said, voice clear despite the uncomfortable position, "I sort of want to...not think about any of it right now."

"...oh," Yunho said, finally seeming to have given up trying to press him for answers, "okay, just don't leave me hanging, Wooyoung-ah."

Wooyoung hummed in affirmation, shifting to bring his legs together smoothly.

_It's okay._

Maybe he was hurting now, maybe he kind of wanted to claw his chest out, and maybe everything around him made him think of Choi San, but he knew he would be okay. Loving someone would always be hard, especially if that person was permanently gone from your life, but Wooyoung at least had his memories for comfort.

His memories of San's beautiful smile and his even more beautiful laugh, his gorgeous, cat-like eyes and his soft pink lips that could make Wooyoung feel fireworks burning in his gut. His sweet, kind personality, and his loving heart, that just drew Wooyoung to him more and more with each passing second.

Maybe the night that they'd shared as a goodbye, the last shred of a beautiful relationship they couldn't afford to hold onto, wasn't so bad after all, not when it made him feel so in love everytime he thought of it.

Perhaps it really _was_ the perfect goodbye gift.

*****

Wooyoung slumped down to the floor, exhausted after three tireless hours of dancing and choreographing and rehearsing. He gratefully accepted the water bottle that Yunho handed to him, and took large sips of the refreshing liquid.

Honestly, doing this made him feel a little better about himself. Working with Yunho helped him forget about the events of the previous night and the morning, when he'd first realised the true nature of his feelings towards Choi San.

He took out his frustrations in his work, and surprisingly a distraught and broken Jung Wooyoung seemed to be better at choreography than the normal Jung Wooyoung. Perhaps it was because he had more emotions to work with, and the ideas flowed freely when he was more troubled with his life.

They'd completely finished choreographing for Hongjoong's track, and only had a few finishing touches and refinement left to deal with. He was pretty proud of their fast progress, and couldn't wait to film it and post it soon.

Just as Wooyoung was rising from the floor to move the water bottle and play the song from the bridge, the door opened, and a familiar face came into view.

Yunho let out a sort of choked exclamation, and the two of them filed into line, bowing respectfully to the CEO of KQ entertainment.

"Hello, sajangnim!" they chorused, standing up staight again.

Wooyoung immediately felt under-dressed in his simple white t shirt and worn navy sweatpants. He should have dressed better, but he couldn't bring himself to do so when he felt so miserable.

The older man offered them a nod and a smile, "Yunho-yah, Wooyoung-ah. I hope you are doing well." They nodded, and the man continued, "I happened to pass by this part of town, and thought I'd check in on the studio."

The two of them smiled, and Yunho pushed a chair forward, gesturing for him to sit. He did, with his back to the mirror, and faced the two of them, "Well, now that I'm here, why don't you show me what it is that you two are working on?"  
  
Wooyoung and Yunho exchanged nervous looks, "It's still sort of incomplete, sajangnim," Wooyoung began unsurely, "but I guess-"

"Oh, no worries!" He interrupted, "It's always a pleasure to watch the two of you perform together. Show me whatever you have so far."

The two of them bowed in unison, moving to their positions before Yunho clicked play and the first notes of the track began.

From then on, it was pretty much muscle memory, as they flowed from one movement to another, hip hop to house, gestures blending seamlessly together as Yunho and Wooyoung moved from one spot to another.

Just as the last chorus was ending, the two of them stopped, as they hadn't planned a proper ending yet. They managed to finish their choreography cleanly enough, and Wooyoung turned the music off once the track was over and before the next started playing.

Applause rung across the room as the CEO clapped proudly, wide smile on his face, "Wow, that was very good. I'm happy that my trainers at KQ do not disappoint," he paused, as if considering something hard, and then opened his mouth to speak, "I have a question. Is the track an original? It seems unfamiliar to me."

Yunho responded with a nod, "Yes sir. One of our friends produces tracks and we asked him if we could choreograph for this. We will give him credit when we post it, of course."

"Ah, I see," he paused, giving the two of them a quick once over, much like he had done the first time they'd met professionally. They'd been terrified of the scrutiny at first, of course, but now they were used to it, having survived through several nerve-wracking meetings at KQ, "I would like to ask you two something, if it isn't too much trouble."

"Of course, sajangnim."

"I would like to meet this friend of yours who made this. It is...in layman's terms, a masterpiece," he said, almost proudly.

Wooyoung and Yunho exchanged wide-eyed looks.

The CEO continued, "Do you think it is possible to arrange a meeting with him tomorrow at the KQ building? Bring the track with you."

Wooyoung's face erupted into his first happy smile that day, "Yes sir. Of course I'll ask him to meet you there, sir. What time would you prefer?"

"The same time as today would be fine, thank you," and then he rose from the chair, nodding at the two dancers before turning and walking out of the room.

Yunho and Wooyoung shared excited glances, before Wooyoung dialled a familiar number and held the phone up on speaker.

"Hongjoong-hyung, hi!"

*****

Yunho and Wooyoung sat beside a wide-eyed Hongjoong, as he nodded mutely at the two people in front of them.

Producer EDEN and the CEO of KQ sat in front of the three of them in KQ entertainment's recording studio, and Hongjoong seemed to be absolutely stunned.

The producer leaned back, crossing his arms together, "Hongjoong-ssi, is it? I have heard from the CEO-nim here that your skills at producing are amazing. Is that so?"

Hongjoong had to hide a blush, although quite unsuccessfully, and stuttered out a reply, "Thank you sir, it's- it's an honour," he said, looking around in awe at all the professional recording equipment surrounding them.

EDEN nodded, "Well, I would like to hear the track myself. How about we give it a listen?" He asked, and Hongjoong nearly stumbled over his own two feet as he rose to pass the pen drive to the producer, "Sir, I- I brought the whole album of tracks that I have produced with me. It is all in this drive."

He raised an eyebrow at the mention of a whole album of orignal songs, "Hmm," he approved, "let's listen to the one that our CEO-nim heard yesterday. That is the one you two are working on, right?"

The two dancers nodded, and fidgeted in their seats as the drive was plugged into the system.

The familiar beat began playing, and grew louder towards the drop, softening again for the next verse. The two men in front of them bobbed their heads along to the beat, EDEN's hand propped on his chin casually.

Once they got through the first minute or so, the producer paused the track and turned to Hongjoong, who was biting his lips nervously in anticipation of their reaction. Finally, EDEN smiled, giving a short applause as the CEO observed silently, "Well, Hongjoong-ssi, do you think I can keep this drive with me for the week? I shall give it a listen, and we will get back to you," he said, not making any comment regarding the quality of production or Hongjoong's skill.

He felt a little dispirited as he hadn't received any feedback, and assumed that the request to retain his pendrive was probably only out of politeness and it would be discarded like the thousands of other applicants with the dream to work at KQ, "Of course, sir," he said anyway, "thank you for taking the time to meet with me."

EDEN stood, and the others did as well, and it was taken as a cue for them to leave. They bowed one last time, Hongjoong still a little flustered, and made it to the door, before EDEN's clear voice held them back, "Oh and Hongjoong-ssi? I very much agree with our CEO's opinion. He has a good ear for talent," he said, and that comment was enough for Hongjoong's mood to skyrocket, a smile spreading over his face.

"Thank you, sir. You too, sajangnim," he said politely, before they left the room and walked to the elevator to make their way to the ground floor. Once they were out of the building, Hongjoong sighed in relief and a slow, wide grin appeared on his face, before he tackled his two friends into a group hug, "You guys are the _best_!" He squealed, almost jumping in his enthusiasm, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Getting a job at KQ would be like a dream come true," he pulled away, smile still lighting up his face.

The two dancers smiled back happily, their arms still around each other, "Anytime, hyung. You're really talented. You deserve a chance," Wooyoung said, trying not to think about San and his dream of being a singer, and Mingi wanting to be a producer, much like his own friend. He was thankful that at least Hongjoong was getting his chance to get there. 

He managed to maintain his bright smile as he waved Hongjoong goodbye, before turning to Yunho with a sigh, "Yunho-yah," he began, voice soft, "Why does everything remind me of him?" He wondered aloud, looking up at his tall friend, who gave him a sympathetic stare. He had already told Yunho all about the events of the previous day.

"Why? What was it?" Yunho asked, placing a hand on his nape.

"Sannie, he- he told me he wanted to be a singer, and his friend Mingi wanted to be a producer. I don't know...I guess it just occured to me that they probably never got the chance that Hongjoong-hyung is getting, you know?" He blinked uselessly, staring into space, "I'm...not okay," he managed to say, after a thick pause.

Yunho squeezed his neck gently, "You wanna come over? I can get Jongho to make you something, and we'll watch movies or something for fun. We don't have classes today, the KQ-saem is taking over."

Wooyoung leaned into his chest, "No, actually. Yeosang reminded me that all of this was only so that we could forget our feelings. Being sad and hung up over San isn't going to get me anywhere, I should probably just try to move on with my life as fast as possible. Quick and painful, right?"

They began walking towards their parked cars, and Yunho smiled down at him, "I'm glad you're looking at it that way, Wooyoung-ah. You're really strong, you know that?"

Wooyoung chuckled, walking to his own and unlocking it, "Yeah well, if I was strong, then I wouldn't have let myself fall for him in the first place," and then he got into the car, and with a final wave to Yunho, the two of them parted ways, hearing different directions.

*****

Six days.

It took six days before the three of them were seated in that very same studio, Hongjoong shaking hands dazedly with the producer and CEO, "Thank you sir. It's an honour."

They smiled warmly and bowed a little, an action which Hongjoong returned, as Wooyoung and Yunho looked proudly at their friend.

The CEO stood, a clear indication that their meeting had ended, "So we'll see you on Monday, producer Hongjoong?"

Ah. Producer Hongjoong. It had a nice ring to it. 

Yep. That's right. Hongjoong got his job as a producer at KQ, and his first album was already a hit among the staff. After all, it wasn't everyday that the CEO offered a job to someone based on just a few good songs. Clearly, Hongjoong had more than enough talent required to go professional, even though he'd taught himself the art.

Wooyoung and Yunho stood as well, bowing respectfully before the two men left the room following them out to the lobby.

Hongjoong was a little stunned the whole time, hand tightly holding Wooyoung's to sort of make sure that all of it wasn't a dream. Wooyoung smiled proudly at him and squeezed his hand as they left the building.

Hongjoong dropped Wooyoung's hand and ran right into the waiting arms of his boyfriend who had come to pick him up, smile wide and eyes shining happily, "Seonghwa-yah, I got the job!" He cried, burying his head in his boyfriend's shoulder. The older patted him on the back, smiling proudly, "I knew you would, Joongie," he turned to the two dancers who stood to the side, "Thank you guys so much for helping him achieve his dream. It means so much to both of us that he gets to be happy," he said sweetly, running a hand through Hongjoong's red hair, eyes soft as he looked down at him.

The two of them grinned and nodded, "Of course, hyung," Yunho said, "It's great that Hongjoong-hyung gets to work here."

Wooyoung simply smiled at the happy couple, as Hongjoong stood on his toes to peck Seonghwa on the mouth cutely, "I'm so happy," his voice was soft, and Wooyoung turned away, feeling like he'd interrupted a private moment, "Thank you for always supporting me, Seonghwa-yah."

Wooyoung heard the sound of another kiss before he felt a hand on his arm, and he looked up curiously to see Seonghwa looking at him, "Thanks again, Wooyoung."

Wooyoung nodded, meeting Seonghwa's sincere gaze with his own, and then they were interrupted by Yunho's cheer, "I'll call Yeosang and Jongho, we can go out for celebratory drinks!"

No one protested, and Hongjoong whooped happily, as he exclaimed that it would be his last night working as a bartender and that he would be quitting the next day.

The four of them got into their cars, pulling out of the parking lot of KQ, and Seonghwa and Hongjoong led the way, as they went to the club where Hongjoong worked.

After a minute or so on the road, Wooyoung let his smile fall from his face as he considered all that had happened lately.

Unrequited love definitely took a toll on you. He'd been trying to avoid the topic of Choi San as much as possible, lest his mind wander to miserable places and make him remember his hopeless infatuation with the gorgeous prostitute. He sighed, thinking about their 'goodbye night'.

The hoodie that San had come back for, the one that had let to their last night together, was still with Wooyoung. San had probably forgotten to take it with him when he left, or perhaps it was intentional. Either way, Wooyoung would never know now, but he just couldn't bring himself to get rid of it or even mail it back to him.

Instead, that very night, Wooyoung found himself changing out of his t shirt and into San's hoodie, letting the familiar scent of his cologne invade his senses as he collapsed into a dreamless sleep, the name of the one he loved lingering on his lips.

Lingering in his heart.

He shook his head, expelling the thoughts,and decided to focus on the positive.

He was delighted for his hyung, the fact that he'd managed to get a proper job at KQ, and now he'd be working close to Wooyoung himself, and perhaps even give them more of his pieces to choreograph for. He had written lyrics to only about half his songs, and he had been talking about working on it soon. Wooyoung felt that he absolutely deserved it. He deserved all the good things in life, and deserved to realise his dream.

At least some people got the chance that they deserve.

Wooyoung plugged his phone into his car's system with one hand, choosing his favourite playlist.

The music washed over him as he began singing along with the familiar lyrics, as he drove to the club to have a little fun after days of hard work.

Yeah, Wooyoung needed to let go too. He was getting a little too into his own head, and maybe a few drinks would loosen him up and let him finally have the fun that he knew he deserved.

*****

_Wooyoung gasped as he felt himself be pushed against the wall by a faceless, muscular body. He felt hot breath against his ear, whispering words he didn't care enough to hear._

_He heard himself beg for more, more of what he didn't know, and was met by a firm finger against his trembling lips as he was hoisted up onto the other man's waist. He wrapped his legs around his waist instinctively as the man buried his head in his neck, leaving harsh bites across the expanse of the unmarked skin._

_He threw his head back, pants leaving his throat, scratchy and low. He felt himself grow harder and rolled his hips up against the other man's, moaning at the feeling._

_"Wooyoungie, you really like this, don't you?" San licked up his jaw, breathing out sin into his ear even as the younger squirmed in his hold, moans and pants leaving his mouth endlessly-_

Wooyoung awoke with a jerk, panting harshly to regain his surroundings.

Right. He'd come home drunk, Yeosang had dropped him off. He'd fallen asleep with his clothes on, and now here he was. He had absolutely no idea what happened during their night out, but he could imagine how intense he must've gotten with the drinks if his room was this...spinny.

He blinked, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the room because of the moon rays shining through the glass windows. Once he was brought back to reality, he panted slowly, trying to process what he'd just dreamed.

That was when he noticed the unusual tightness of his jeans. He was hard. Extremely so.

And then the first wave of headaches made an appearance. Wooyoung fell forward, dropping his head in his palm as he breathed heavily to stop the nausea slowly curling up his insides. God, he always was a terrible drunk. He didn't know why he'd let himself drink so much.

Being drunk had never caused wet dreams before, though. Damn, Wooyoung couldn't even remember the last time he'd had an actual wet dream.

It really was the worst combination. Drunk, in love, horny, and nauseous.

He felt a wave of nausea overcome him, and scrambled out of bed to throw the bathroom door open and empty his stomach into the toilet bowl. He heaved as he was brought to his knees, gripping the sides of the bowl, until he felt okay enough to get up.

He glanced at the ditgital clock on his wall through the open door behind him, which told him it was around four am, and figured there wasn't any point in trying to fall asleep again with a terrible headache, lingering taste of vomit in his mouth, and worst of all, hard dick straining in his jeans.

He stepped out of his clothes and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste, brushing his teeth to overcome the telltale taste of vomit before stepping in the shower and letting the cold water wash over him.

Having a cold shower during a hangover probably wasn't the best of ideas, but Wooyoung couldn't really think of anything else to will away his hard on. And he certainly wasn't going to take care of it when his insides were churning around like a hamster wheel.

_Dammit._

He was such a mess.

Such a fucking mess. One who couldn't even walk down the street without getting reminded of San, one who got drunk and had wet dreams that made him stupidly needy, and one who was so dumb that he'd fallen in love with the one person who was absolutely unattainable. 

_Great going, Jung Wooyoung._

He scrubbed at himself harshly, as if cleaning his body would help clean the poisonous thoughts fleeting through his mind.

_What if San never does find happiness?_

_What if you're the only one who'll love him like you do? Like he deserves to be loved?_

_What if....what if he loves you too?_

He shook his head firmly at the last one, and immediately felt like a hammer had struck his head, a sharp throb passing through his skull. His knees unexpectedly buckled, until he was kneeling in the shower, cold, cold water running through his nearly completely faded blonde strands and down his naked body, rushing towards the drain. His head throbbed, and his skin felt wrinkly from how long he'd been in the shower, but he didn't care.

He wondered how long it would be before Choi San stopped taking up his every thought.

The tears fell.

His skull throbbed.

His hands planted on the wall in front of him.

He mourned a lost love.

*****  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww my baby Wooyoung is saddd😣😣 
> 
> Please continue to follow Baby don't like it on ao3! Leave a comment to let me know what you thought of this chapter!! Thank you guys for all the love 💕 ♥️🤭 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! 
> 
> I hope all of you have been doing well and taking care of yourselves during the pandemic, don't get sick and stay inside! 
> 
> Once again, thanks for all the support and please continue following this story! 
> 
> I've given Jongho a part in this chapter, because I feel like he hasn't shown up enough 😋😆
> 
> Comment and subscribe😁 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung let his voice ring out into the room, counting the beats along with Hongjoong's latest creation, one that he and Yunho were starting to choreograph.

It had been three months.

Three whole months since he'd seen San, and three whole months since he'd realized the true nature of his feelings, and what did three months do?

Absolutely nothing.

Wooyoung was still head over heels in love with a man he was never going to see again, and it was fucking him up in more ways than one.

He'd even gona on a few dates, at the insistence of Yeosang and Seonghwa, but the moment the 'dates' became anything more, he'd immediately closed himself off, overcome by thoughts of a certain cat-eyed beauty. 

He'd even gotten to a fourth date with one guy, Park Hyunwoo, who, in any other circumstance would have had Wooyoung crushing on him, _hard_. He was pretty cute, and muscular enough to be sexy, and when he invited Wooyoung over after their dinner date, the latter didn't need much persuasion before he was agreeing to the offer. But then, when Wooyoung was being pushed against the mattress and kissed deeply, he opened his eyes to see orbs the _wrong_ shade of brown, lips that were too thick, ears too bare to go unnoticed. He had stopped Hyunwoo at once, pushing him back with a soft, "I'm sorry, I can't do this," and buttoned up his half-open shirt, wiping his lips with the back of his hand and leaving him with a quick apology, only to go home and strip the fancy dress shirt off in favour of San's worn hoodie, hugging himself as he drifted into a restless sleep.

Annoying.

When would he ever be free of the tight grip that Choi San had on his poor heart?

He shook himself free of his thoughts, and focused on Yunho in front of him, following along as he guided him through the first verse.

A few beats later, Wooyoung's phone rang loudly, interrupting them, and the caller ID showed that it was Hongjoong. He turned the music off and picked up the phone, putting it on speaker so Yunho could listen in, "Hey, hyung. What's up?"

_"Wooyoung-ah, I need a favour."_

"Yeah, sure. What is it?"

 _"Well, I'm working on this song, and I need good vocals to back me up. PD-nim said I could get someone to be my vocals, you know, to record for my tracks,"_ he explained, _"I wanted to know if you knew someone like that. I'm willing to pay them,"_ he said, and Wooyoung would be lying if he said his mind didn't immediately drift to San, but he knew it was hopeless.

"I think Jongho is a good choice, hyung. I could reach out to him for you," Yunho offered, leaning into Wooyoung's space as he spoke, "He has a beautiful voice."

 _"Oh, of course!"_ Hongjoong exclaimed, _"I think Jongho would be perfect. You guys don't bother, I'll call him myself,_ " he said, thanking Yunho for the idea before hanging up.

They'd gotten a lot closer over the last three months, and the six of them had become something something of a tight-knit group. Jongho's singing abilities especially, were no secret to the others, having heard him perform at open mics and even in karaoke rooms multiple times with a voice that seemed to have to have no range limit. So, of course Jongho would be the first choice when it came to singing. According to Wooyoung, his voice was unparalleled even by many famous idol singers.

The phone was placed aside, and they shifted to take their positions as Yunho clicked play on the track and the beats began playing again.

"Five, six, seven, eight!" Wooyoung counted, clapping along to the beat as Yunho started moving to it, pausing here and there to make changes and come up with new ideas.

This way, they brainstormed the whole afternoon away, before they were doing their cool-down stretches as they waited for the kids who would be coming for Yunho's batch. Wooyoung had decided he would stick around until his class which was two hours later at six.

Yunho's class passed smoothly, with Wooyoung being a welcome addition, offering advice and little tips for the starry-eyed trainees who were full of enthusiasm. Wooyoung couldn't help but smile at the sight of their eager, bright faces, and immediate disappointment and sadness when they were told off sternly by their trainers. Their biggest problem in life was probably managing school and trainee life.

Wooyoung sighed, wishing that his life were that simple, and he hadn't been nursing his poor broken heart for the past three months. He stood aside, watching as Yunho corrected and advised and taught, a natural teacher.

It felt like too short a time before his and Yunho's classes were both over, and they were locking up for the night, "Wanna stay at my place? We could chill and order takeout," Yunho offered, staring at Wooyoung expectantly.

The latter nodded, agreeing at once as the door slid shut, "Sure, it's not like I have anything to do now anyways. Will Jongho be there?" He asked.

Yunho shrugged, "I dunno. Probably."

Wooyoung smiled, "I hope so. I miss that kid. Haven't seen him since we went out last weekend."

Their friendly, comfortable banter continued till they reached their cars, waving a temporary farewell till they reached Yunho and Jongho's place. They got into the elevator and chatted amiably till they reached the fourth floor, where the two men lived.

It was clear that Jongho was at home, considering the pair of gym shoes and worn grey socks strewn outside on the rack. Yunho opened the door for them and they stepped inside, Wooyoung already shucking his sweater and making himself comfortable in just his t shirt, considering the higher temperature inside the apartment.

He flopped on the familiar black leather couch, one that he was at least eighty per cent sure had, at some point, been debauched by Yunho and his ex-boyfriend. He didn't comment on the repulsive thought, and leaned back aginst the cushions, just as a very wet and very _naked_ Jongho stepped out into the living room.

The younger man squeaked, panicked, at the sight of company and raced back into the bedroom he'd emerged from, without even a towel to cover himself. Clearly, he'd just showered, if his wet hair was any indication.

Wooyoung burst into helpless giggles at the sight of a distraught looking Yunho, who was commenting something about having seen that one too many times, and he could have lived his whole life not knowing what 'little Jongho' looked like.

Wooyoung was still wearing a stupid grin on his face when a fully dressed, red-cheeked Jongho joined then in the living room, mumbling an apology along with a strongly worded curse at Wooyoung's teasing eyebrow wiggles. Wooyoung shoved him good naturedly, and Jongho sat beside him, "Shut up, hyung, or I'll slap that grin off you."

Wooyoung only laughed again, "Sure, sure, Mr. Six Pack," he teased, poking at Jongho's tummy even as the younger swatted his hand away, disgusted.

"Guys," Yunho interrupted, "can I make you kimchi jjigae and rice?"

Wooyoung and Jongho nodded, "Sounds good."

When Yunho was out of the living room, Wooyoung turned to Jongho, "Hey, so did you get a call from Hongjoong-hyung?"

"Oh, yeah. The recording thing, right? I said I'd do it. Plus, he even said he'd pay me, so you know, why the heck not?" Jongho turned his back to Wooyoung to grab the remote and face the front again, turning the TV on.

The older nodded in understanding, "Oh, good. Then that'll be four out of the six of us working at KQ," he observed, chuckling when Jongho protested that he'd still be working at the gym, just less hours now.

Wooyoung hummed and pushed himself closer to Jongho to lean on his shoulder, "Whatever, it's nice. I'll see you more often."

Wooyoung felt a hand pat his cheek, "That's true, hyung."

Then Hotel Del Luna started playing and all thoughts of work disappeared as they got sucked into the intricate storyline, with Yunho yelling indignantly from the kitchen about how they started without him, only receiving a loud cackle in response.

Soon enough, the three of them were curled up in different spots in the living room, eyes glued to the screen and mouths full of Yunho's rice and kimchi jjigae. Comforting, home-cooked food. It was a little saltier than it should be, but that didn't matter, as the mouth-watering smell overpowered all.

Wooyoung's life was pretty good.

Admittedly, he had a lot of shortcomings and quite a few problems, but all in all, he had good friends, a great, supportive family, and a stable job.

Oh, and of course, the kimchi jjigae was a god-send.

*****

"Aaaaa," Jongho sang into the mic for sound testing, as Hongjoong sat in the room ahead, fiddling with the various buttons and dials.

He flashed Jongho a thumbs up, "Okay, let's go for a trial. If that's good, we can get to the recording. You okay, Jongho-yah?"

"Yeah, hyung. Just a little nervous. Never done this before," he spoke a little too loudly into the mic, and Hongjoong told him to reduce his volume and step back a little.

"That's alright. You're good, you'll figure it out and relax in no time. Now come on, let's get this show on the road," he declared, turning up the volume and playing the track.

Wooyoung sat back on the couch, watching Jongho as he opened his mouth and started to sing along, referring to the sheet in his hand. His clear voice flowed through the room, carrying heavy emotion, and Wooyoung marvelled for the nth time at his dongsaeng's amazing talent.

Wooyoung actually had no buisness being here, but he didn't have classes that day, and once he'd heard that this was going to happen, he'd pestered Hongjoong till he let him sit in and watch how the recording was done. And now, here he was, despite the fact that his wallet was just a tad lighter from the meal he'd paid for Hongjoong to bribe into allowing him here. Oh l, well, it was worth it, he assumed, as he could finally see what it was that producers got up to.

Jongho got to the end of the first verse and Hongjoong turned the music off, nodding to himself as he pressed a button to talk to him, "Okay, good. Try to do this part in falsetto, okay? You can do it in your chest voice for verse two. It will sound better," he advised, and Wooyoung was awed by the professional way in which he worked, already a respected employee within the walls of KQ.

Hongjoong smiled, satisfied when Jongho did as instructed, and turned the music off, "Okay, let's go for a recording. I think you're set," he announced, and Jongho nodded, flustered at the praise.

Wooyoung stood from his spot on the couch at the back, walking forward to sit on the chair next to Hongjoong and peer curiously as the older fiddled with the settings, "Okay...you ready?" The oldest asked, receiving a nod from Jongho, "Good. Let's begin."

The music turned on again, and Jongho began singing, pausing at the part where Hongjoong had written a rap, which he would record himself. He tapped his foot along with beat as he sang, and they made it through verse one and two smoothly. Next was the bridge, with a difficult high note that Jongho would probably manage to make seem easy.

Still, he struggled a little with the build-up to it, and couldn't take in his breath properly before doing the high note, resulting in a shorter stretch than was expected. Hongjoong pressed pause and cut the music off, "Okay, Jongho. I've got it perfect till verse two. Let's practice the bridge once before you do it, okay?"

Jongho raised a hand, meaning that he wanted to speak. Hongjoong nodded, and the younger voiced his thoughts, "Hyung, can I come there for a second? Want to ask you something," he said, and Hongjoong nodded, gesturing for him to come around to where he and Wooyoung were seated.

Jongho removed the headphones, placing it on the mic, and turned around to the exit the recording room, stepping to the front and walking into where Hongjoong and Wooyoung were waiting for him.

"Hyung, I think I'm making a mistake here," he gestured to the sheet he was holding, and Wooyoung moved to kneel on the floor so that Jongho could sit where he had been seated before, "Can you show me how to do this?" Even though Jongho was one of the most amazing singers Wooyoung knew, it was clear that he was still new to the whole recording experience, and needed a little training before he became used to it.

Hongjoong nodded, taking the sheet and grabbing a pencil before marking lines in a few places, "Okay, wherever I've marked lines, you take a breath, okay? That should give you enough time to build up to the high note," he explained, and Jongho tried doing it, but ended up still being one beat short.

After two more trials, Hongjoong patted Jongho on the head and explained calmly where he was going wrong.

Jongho groaned, "Sorry I keep making mistakes, hyung. I promise I'll get it."

"I know you will, Jongho-yah," he said, "I got you to do this because I know you can."

Jongho nodded, "God, I wish San-hyung were here. He'd have cleared it up for me in no time."

Wooyoung froze.

_Wait, what?_

"San-hyung?" He echoed, trying not to betray his emotions on his face.

Jongho turned to him, nodding, "Yeah, this friend of mine from school, Choi San. He was the most amazing singer, and he used to help me all the time, but then after he finished school, he just...disappeared. Dunno what happened to him," Jongho explained, expression a little sad.

_This had to be a coincidence, right?_

Wooyoung inhaled sharply, "Where did you go to school, Jongho-yah?" He asked, voice already a little shaky.

"Namhae."

_Oh._

What are the chances that there were two Choi Sans in who grew up in Namhae, learnt singing, and disappeared after high school?

None at all.

It had to be his San. Jongho was definitely talking about him.

Wait, no, not _his_ San. Just...the San that he _knew._

Wooyoung gulped, wondering what he should say, but Jongho beat him to it, "What's wrong, hyung? You look kind of...shaken?" He wondered aloud, watching as Wooyoung grit his teeth and clenched his fists.

Wooyoung shook his head, "I kind of... know him. That's all," he said as calmly as he could, hoping his words wouldn't backfire and smack him in the face.

But of course, he just had to have the worst luck in the world, right?

"You do?" Jongho's face lit up, "I haven't seen him in so long, we were so close in school, hyung, can you please take me to see him?" He asked, gaze pleading.

Wooyoung stood from the floor to go and sit on the couch behind them, as Hongjoong watched their exchange silently, "No," he shook his head, "Sorry, Jongho-yah. But San and I aren't exactly on speaking terms right now," the name of his loved one sounded foreign even to his own ears, having refrained from hearing or saying it for the past three months. Suddenly being asked to reach out to San again seemed like betraying himself.

Jongho's face fell at once, "But why, hyung?" He whined, "At least give me his number if you have it," he pleaded, watching as Wooyoung inhaled deeply and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Jongho-yah, just....just don't talk to me about Choi San, okay?" He requested as politely as he could, but of course Jongho wouldn't take it that lightly.

"Hyung, I swear to you that San-hyung is a nice guy. Whatever problem you have with him, I'm sure, can be fixed. So would you please just give me his number so I can catch up with him again?" He asked, challenging Wooyoung with a firm stare.

The older sighed, "Let's just...talk about this after your recording, okay?" He said, turning away from Jongho's stare only to be met with Hongjoong's piercing orbs.

Hongjoong at least didn't seem mad at him or anything, just confused, as he nodded and turned to Jongho, "Wooyoungie's right. Let's finish up here first and then you two can talk it out, okay?" He decided with finality, "Come on, Jongho-yah. Let's go over it again."

Jongho nodded, although still hesitant to let it go, and began singing again. Finally on his second try, he managed to time it right and was sent into the recording room immediately before he 'lost' it.

The recording was a huge success, and ended with a proud applause from both Hongjoong and Wooyoung. Hongjoong smiled at Jongho and clapped him on the back as he stepped into the room, "Good job, Jongho-yah. You were just what I needed. Now all that's left is the rap," he played back the track and nodded approvingly as it came to a finish, "Okay, my work for today is done!" He announced, unplugging the drive from the system, "Got what I needed, I can deal with the rest of it later. Now I'll let you two talk while I grab something from the food court, k?" He said, plugging in one earphone and shoving his hands in his pockets as he exited the room, leaving Jongho and Wooyoung alone.

Surprisingly, Wooyoung was the one to speak first, "Jongho-yah, you really are very talented."

Jongho had the grace to hide his flush with his hand, but then was back to square one as he went to sit beside Wooyoung on the comfy leather couch, "Hyung, why can't you reach out to San-hyung for me?" He asked, getting right to the point.

Wooyoung avoided his gaze, eyes fixed on the rings adorning his own hands, "San and I...aren't in a very good place right now, Jongho. Even if I give you his number, there's- there's almost a sure chance that he'll want to know how you got it, and I'm just- I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk to him or even about him yet," Plus, Wooyoung wasn't even sure that San would * _want_ * to talk to Jongho again. From what he had told him, his life in Namhae was not to be discussed, and he'd completely left it behind before starting a new life, although it still wasn't much of one.

Of course he wasn't sure if he could say anything about San's personal life to Jongho yet, so he settled for being as vague as possible.

"Hyung, just tell me where he lives or something, if you know. I promise I won't mention you, it'll just be like I stumbled across him or something, please," Jongho begged, taking Wooyoung's hand in his.

Oh, and that was another thing Wooyoung wasn't sure he was at liberty to mention. San's job. Telling someone he had known at school, someone who clearly respected him and cared for him, that San had become a hooker, someone who sold themselves for sex, probably wasn't the best idea, "I- I don't know...." He said, shrugging Jongho's hand out of his, because that was exactly what he felt. He didn't know.

"But, hyung, I-" he stopped, "I miss him so much! What's this huge thing between you guys anyway? I'm sure it can be fixed," he said, voice like a hopeful child.

Wooyoung couldn't help the laugh that burst from him. He was smiling, but it felt like the wounds San had carved in his heart had opened up again, "Fixed," he mocked, fidgeting with his snake-like ring, "God, if that was possible, don't you think we would've tried that three months ago?" He asked no one in particular, wincing when the ring caught on his knuckle.

"Oh..." Jongho said, face falling at Wooyoung's blatant refusal to link him with his old friend again, "Is it really that bad, hyung? Do you think whatever it is ahs really affected you that much, to the extent that you can't bear to see him, even for me?" Jongho tried asking, but knew it was a lost cause when he was faced with Wooyoung's wide eyes that showed him how lost he was. Clearly, he hadn't even figured out his own shit yet.

"I'm sorry, Jongho-yah," he apologised, finally looking up at him. He vaguely registered Hongjoong stepping inside the room with a coffee cup, but it didn't stop his words, "I just....I don't think I can handle seeing San again. Maybe- maybe sometime in the future, I'll be okay with it, but- but not so soon. I'm sorry," he said again, eyes flitting to Hongjoong's confused expression trained on the two of them.

"I don't understand what could have affected you this much, hyung, but I'll respect your wishes," Jongho threw an arm over the back of the couch, "I hope whatever it is between you two gets solved, and then maybe you can take me to see him."

Wooyoung had no such hopes, but nodded anyway, a faint smile appearing, "Okay, Jongho-yah. Maybe I'll get over myself in the future and I can take you to meet San, but I assure you, our problem can't just be fixed that easily. Now that you know he's in the city, who knows, maybe you'll find him yourself," Wooyoung said, shifting his gaze to Hongjoong, who was staring at him with a knowing look.

Jongho nodded, "Thanks hyung. Yeah, I think I'll try to find him myself, and don't worry, I won't bring you up, if that's what you want," he smiled, and waved brightly at Hongjoong, "Thank you so much for doing this, hyung. I'm glad I could be of help," he said, and turned, grabbing his backpack and walking out of the room.

Hongjoong waved back, and once Jongho was gone, he turned to face Wooyoung, who was absorbed in tracing the patterns on the floor with the tip of his shoe.

"Hey, Wooyoungie," he began.

Wooyoung looked up, "Hmm?"

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Wooyoung tried to seem shocked, "Wha- who, hyung?" He questioned.

"Don't fuck around with me, Wooyoung. You know I mean San," Hongjoong stated with a sigh. Wooyoung didn't know if his sigh was out of pity, but that was the last thing he needed.

Wooyoung looked at the ceiling, a sad smile painting his features, "Is it that obvious?" He asked.

"To someone who knows what love looks like, it couldn't be more obvious. I see it in the way you talk about him," Hongjoong observed, "Like I talk about Seonghwa."

Wooyoung blinked, "I guess..." He trailed off, looking lost in his thoughts for a second, "I don't know," he said finally, locking eyes with Hongjoong, "Do you think I'll ever stop? Loving him, that is."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Wooyoungie, I honestly don't know," he admitted, "But I can tell you that if you really wanted to get over it, you might've moved on by now. Maybe this San guy just has a stronger hold on you than you thought he did."

Wooyoung rolled to sit up straight, looking at Hongjoong blankly, "It hurts," he simply said, kicking his feet in front of him.

Hongjoong stood, offering his hand, "I'm sorry."

Wooyoung took it, and stood up too, "No, it's...okay. I'll be okay. Maybe not right now, but I will be."

Hongjoong smiled, not commenting on it further, "Wanna get a free coffee with our employee privileges?"

Wooyoung giggled, "Sure."

*****

Okay, so Wooyoung knew he was the one who'd told Jongho to go looking for San, but he didn't think that the younger would go about it this... _actively._

Jongho had, according to Yeosang's words, apparently already tracked down where San worked, and was going to go meet him there that very day. 

_Shit._

He leaned forward, touching his toes, and then lifted himself up, bending back to touch the ground.

Okay, so this was....well, he didn't know whether Jongho's enthusiasm was good or bad, just that he didn't want to be faced with it anytime soon.

He raised his torso up, adjusting the glasses that had slipped down his nose before stretching his arms out to the sides and turning to the side, bending his knee.

Well, Jongho had told him that he wouldn't being Wooyoung up if he didn't want him to, so perhaps that was a good thing. Right, he wouldn't be involved in this at all. Jongho would meet San, and they would get reacquainted, and maybe go on to rekindle their friendship. But that wouldn't be Wooyoung's problem, right? He wouldn't have to be bothered at all, that someone he knew was meeting up with the one he didn't want to see the most, because he wasn't involved.

Good.

He had cut San out for a reason, and until all his feelings disappeared, there was no reason for him to think about seeing him again.

San would go on sleeping with randoms,and Wooyoung would go on dancing and teaching, and they'd be like parallel lines. Both heading towards their separate goals, but never to meet again. They had crossed paths before, and that had turned out to be a mistake, as a transversal between two parallel lines did nothing but cause disruption. Now they were past that, and were once again on their separate paths to infinity.

Yes, this was all for the best.

He brought his feet together, jumping as high as he could a few times before settling on the ground. He turned at the sound of commotion, and noticed the kids filing into the studio, chatting away in small groups.

He moved aside to the front of the room and clapped for attention, as the trainees filed into line and the oldest of them yelled, "two, three-"

"Hello, Wooyoung-saem!" They chorused, as usual, and Wooyoung returned the greeting with a smile.

"Okay, so let's get to work. Have you finished the group choreography assignment I gave you?"

A series of nods and "yes!"es greeted him.

He smiled at the positive response, "Good. Any of the groups want to go first?"

Yes, this was his life.

Maybe his mom was still pestering him about finding someone, but he didn't particularly need a significant other to be happy, did he? He was perfectly fine just gaining his happiness from teaching, from dancing, even _learning._

He was okay.

*****

Wooyoung dismissed the class with a wave and proud pats on the back, smiling as the kids came to ask him doubts, answering them eagerly.

"Yes, Yumi-yah?" He asked, crouching before the young Japanese girl.

"Saem, am I doing this right?" She asked, gesturning to herself.

"Let's see once more, okay?" He clapped to the beat, encouranging her to show him the move, "Okay," he said after observing, "Your elbow should be higher, here, see?" He said, angling her elbow with his arm before demonstrating the move once himself.

He watched proudly as she fixed her stature, completing the move flawlessly after the simple correction, "Good job, Yumi-yah. At this rate, you'll be debuting in no time," he smiled, giving her a high-five before waving at her as she ran off to join her other friends.

He watched as all the trainees left, and he was finally alone in the studio. He turned to check the time on his watch. It was pretty much time to close up. He checked to see that no one had left any of their stuff behind, and then turned off the air-conditioner and sound systems, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

He fixed his glasses and was just about to turn the lights off, when he noticed movement outside the translucent glass doors of the studio.

He dropped the bag when he heard a soft knock. Who would knock? Everyone who dropped by at this time usually knew that Wooyoung left the door unlocked, and would just barge in without warning. The only possibilty Wooyoung could think of was that one of the KQ employees had come around to check on the studio.

He quickly checked if he looked presentable enough in his lilac sweater and ripped jeans, decided he did, and went to open the door.

He placed his hand firmly on the handle, pulling it inside with a little effort before he caught sight of who was sanding outside.

He nearly choked.

"S- _San?!_ " His knees buckled, and a hand reached out to steady him. He flinched away from the touch, using the door handle as support, and stepped back.

 _Wake up, Jung Wooyoung. Just wake up right now,_ he told himself, wondering what sort of dream this was.

San stepped forward.

And then he was inside the room.

Wooyoung inhaled, still unsteady on his feet, as his brain tried to control the mess of thoughts and emotions threatening to strangle him. It didn't work, and he involuntarily felt his eyes well up with tears at the sheer overwhelming nature of the thoughts and feelings suddenly consuming his mind, resurfacing from where he'd buried everything deep inside.

Everything returned. The confusion, the sadness, the longing, the lust, even the love he'd tried so hard to let go of, was hitting him full force and making him sway on his feet.

San stepped forward again, and shut the door behind him, and Wooyoung couldn't breathe.

He still hadn't said anything, and Wooyoung was seriously begin to question the intention of this visit.

Oh, and of course, reality, because this _had_ to be a dream. Perhaps a nightmare? Would San sprout fangs and claws and rip his throat out right about now?

San opened his mouth, " _I- I left,_ " was the last thing Wooyoung registered before San had grabbed him by the waist and their mouths were pressed together.

_What. The. Fuck._

He was frozen for a fraction of a second before he found the strength in his arms to push San away, just a little harder than he'd intended to, and San was reeling, back hitting the door with a wince.

Wooyoung couldn't even try to feel guilty.

And then he was crying, and he didn't know why, and his knees gave out, and he fell to the floor, hands falling on his thighs as tears blurred his vision.

_What the hell was going on?_

*****  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I was so excited to post this I swear🤭 I hope you guys liked this chapter! Woosan deserve the whole world, am I right or am I right? They be soo cuteee! 
> 
> I hope you've liked the way I approached the story so far, and let me know if I have met your expectations!😊
> 
> Subscribe and leave a comment to let me know what you thought of this chapter!! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> I'm so happy so many of you have subscribed and stayed with me through this, y'all are the best, lots of love!!! 🤭🤭🤭 
> 
> I've got an early update for you humans because I'm feeling particularly generous 😋😋 Hope you like it 😘
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is sort of a different one. It's a sneak peek into San's side of the story, sort of a...flashback? Not really. You'll see when you read it. 
> 
> I'd like to put a warning here, for mentions of roughness, degradation and hurting during sex- it isn't anything extreme though, just a little, but I have to put the warning here, so yeah. 
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter, let me know what you think! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

_**Three months ago** _

San wanted to throw something, or punch something, or maybe just walk back through that door he'd just come out of and grab the man he was already missing so much and kiss him, kiss him and hold him and treasure him like he deserved.

San walked quickly through the familiar streets, phone out and dialling the only number he knew by heart, pressing the phone to his ear as he shivered slightly from the chill morning air, "Hey."

_"Sannie, what's up?"_

"I'm on my way," he swallowed thickly, hoping that his voice didn't betray the tears spilling from his eyes, "I left Wooyoung's."

 _"Okay, so why'd you call me?"_ Mingi asked.

"You're at home, right?" He doesn't know when the club became "home" to him, but it's all he had.

" _Hmm._ "

San blinked, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve, "Just...talk to me. About anything. Just distract me till I get there, please?"

He could almost hear Mingi's nod through the phone, as the latter began chatting about the new music he'd been making in his spare time.

San weaved through the familiar roads until he was jogging up the stairs to his and Mingi's shared space. He opened the door that he knew would be unlocked, and slammed it behind him, dropping his phone on the couch before walking straight through to the bedroom where a bewildered Mingi was waiting for him, tissue in hand.

"How'd you know-" San sniffed, "-that I was crying?" He sank into the bed beside his friend, falling into his familiar arms and buying his head in his broad shoulder, tears staining the worn red t shirt.

Mingi simply handed him a tissue and cuddled him closer, letting San cry away all the tears he had to spare, "Do you want to talk about it? What happened to make you this way?"

San shook his head into his friends shoulder, shifting to plonk himself on his lap, "No. Whatever is was, it's over now. No point in talking about it."

Thankfully, Mingi didn't prod around further, "Hmm. You think you'll be okay?"

San sniffed, the image of Wooyoung and his pretty smile burned on the back of his lids, "I don't know, but...I have to try," his voice was determined, "I have to try to be okay. For him. For Wooyoung."

Mingi didn't reply, hand rubbing circles on San's back as the smaller shook, trembling from the force of his own emotions.

*****

San's life was monotone.

If you were to give it a colour, it would be a murky, dirty brown, the kind that remained after rain washed down the soil into mud. Ant spike or change in his routine would be a spot of grey, or perhaps black, considering that everything in his life seemed to be dull, devoid of all happiness since the moment he'd left Wooyoung behind.

Wake up, work, eat, repeat.

That was it. That was all he had left for him. Nothing to look forward to, only things to miss.

Specifically, Jung Wooyoung.

He didn't understand how someone so happy, so blessed in life could draw him in this way, make him fall hopelessly without the slightest hint of poisonous envy that came whenever he saw someone luckier than him. He was...beautiful. Pure, in every sense of the word.

Untouched by sorrow, untouched by the poisons of life, until San had come around and fucked up his beautiful landscape, a dark spot on a blank white sheet of paper. It was probably for the best that San had decided to let go of him, to leave him and move on with his far-from-normal life, because Wooyoung didn't deserve that dark spot in his life. He deserved happiness, he deserved to smile with all the will he had, and he deserved someone who hadn't been tainted and destroyed in the way San was.

Spending the night with him had been like a...a dream. A surreal, happy dream that he never wanted to wake up from. Saying goodbye to him had been heart-wrenching, the pain- despite not being physical pain- one of the worst things he'd ever experienced. 

But of course, it was over now, and San's life had faded from the bright colour Wooyoung had given it, and he'd gone back to brown.

He'd gone back to being destroyed by a different person every few days, his dignity and his very soul picked at and eaten away until all that was left was a result of what Wooyoung had strengthened in him. The part that he'd brightened up and kissed and _cared for_ until the horror on the surface peeled away to reveal who San really was. The part of him that was still worth living for.

That was the part of him that lived, that wanted to continue with his stupid, useless life. The part that was so gone for a man he'd never see again, that he was living his life only for him, with the knowledge that he wished San happiness in life. He was living to achieve that, not for himself, but so as to not destroy Wooyoung's hope.

It was getting harder though, as he drowned deeper and deeper in his pool of endless suffering. The only that kept him going was the idea that he could still * _feel_ *, he could feel things that weren't pain or sadness or fear. He could feel his heart flutter at the thought of a certain blonde, he could feel his cheeks heat up when he remembered the way Wooyoung had treated him that night, gentle and caring and almost as if....as if he _loved_ him.

He shook the impossible thought away, and wondered how stupid it would be to assume that Wooyoung may actually like him beyond the surface. He had treated San so well, so kindly, but that could just be the result of a simple crush, not as deep as what San was sure he was feeling.

He thought about Wooyoung, he thought about his pretty smile, and his shining, innocent eyes, and his soft blonde locks and his pale skin and his beautiful, beautiful heart and then San knew.

He knew he was in love.

He sighed as he pulled on the transparent shirt over his ripped jeans, that had so many rips he might as well have gone pantless.

God, he was in love with Wooyoung.

He didn't know it was possible for someone to fall in love when you haven't even seen that person in almost a month, but apparently you could.

Well, it wasn't like he could do anything about it now anyways.

All that he had left was to just live.

Live for his lost love.

*****

San grinded down on the stranger's hips, faux seductive smile plastered on his face like a mask as he breathed into the man's ear, "Hey, sweetie. How about you take me home and I show you a good time, hmm?" He made sure to end it with a fake, pornstar-like moan right into his ear.

He felt firm hands on hips as he was lifted up, an easy task for the larger, stronger man, who made San with his thin waist and lean arms look like a child, "Let's go."

A hand wrapped around his wrist, tighter than he would've liked, but he didn't comment on it, going along with a wave over his shoulder at Minhee as he was guided out of the club and into a fancy looking car.

So he had money. Good. This could pay him well.

The man drove them to a familiar hotel, one that San had been to multiple times with several customers like this very one, and booked a room.

He pushed San lightly in and shut the door, clearly intending to start right away, but San had a few things to say first, "No kissing on the lips, sweetheart. Is that clear?" He raised an eyebrow, slouching a little to make himself look smaller, more vulnerable. He received an impatient nod in return, but before the man could do anything else, he was talking again, "And if you hurt me too much or do anything improper, I will end it immediately, got it?" He asked, nodding approvingly when he got a "yes" in return.

"Good. Now, how do you want this?" He pursed his lips, looking up at the man, Park-something, through his lashes.

He was all over San in an instant. Before San could say or do anything else, his large presence loomed over him, pushing him backwards till he fell on the bed with a slight wince, but the roughness was nothing he wasn't used to.

Park-something stripped off his own fancy shirt and pants that looked like they cost more than San's life, and clambered onto the soft bed to lean over him and press his chapped lips to his neck, ripping the buttons off his shirt as he bit down hard.

San wanted to cringe at the feeling, but instead put on the mask that he wore so well, a fake moan ringing through the room as the man all but ripped his shirt off his lean frame.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the skin on his neck break, a few drops of blood escaping. He forced himself not to push him off and tried to appear interested, squirming in what he hoped came across as pleasure.

And then he was being turned around, pushed to lie face first on the bed as the man's breath, reeking of alcohol, washed over his nape. San sort of lost himself for a moment, wondering what it would be like if he didn't have to do this, if he could live a better life, when he felt a sharp bite on the back of his bare shoulder. 

He winced, gritting his teeth to prevent a cry of pain from leaving his lips, and with no warning, a hand was shoved down the back of his pants, groping him roughly.

San felt tears spring to his eyes, holding them back by biting his own lip, when Park-something leaned over him, whispering in his ear, "What if I tied you up, slut? You'd take me so well, wouldn't you? You'd just lie here, helpless, while I used you for myself. You would love it, wouldn't you?"

San wanted to throw up from the strong smell of alcohol taking over his senses.

A sharp slap to his cheek made him jerk away in shock, "Answer me, whore," the voice was dangerous, the promise of punishment if he was disobeyed unsaid, although San could hear it loud and clear.

His cheek throbbed, a small cut from the expensive ring he was wearing already beginning to leak blood. Another harsh slap sounded through the air, this time to his hip, and San knew he couldn't do this.

He couldn't take it anymore.

He wasn't going to do this with his life. He wasn't going to let himself live like this, not when there was someone out there who didn't think of him as below scum, someone who would actually care for him.

Yes, it had been almost three whole months since they'd last seen each other, but San's feelings hadn't changed a bit. He would still drop everything and run for a chance to be with him. With Wooyoung

_Wooyoung._

With the thought of the one he loved ringing through his head, he rammed an elbow backwards, catching the man above him square on his chest. Despite Park-something being physically bigger and more bulked up than him, his momentary shock gave San enough of an opening to turn around and push him by the chest, till he reeled backwards and off the bed.

San mentally thanked his mom for enrolling him in taekwondo classes when he was a kid, as he blocked an arm that came to grab him, and picked up his torn shirt from the ground with his other hand, slipping it over his shoulders just as he dodged a hand aimed for his head and ducked.

He kicked upwards, perfect technique enabling him to catch the shocked man in the neck, before he buttoned what was left of his shirt and booked it out of the room, slamming the door behind him as he raced through the hallways. He hoped he'd given himself enough time as Park-something recovered from the blow to his neck, and thanked whatever god was watching that he'd made it out of there alright.

He was out of the hotel, but he still didnt believe he was safe, not until he did one more thing. He made it to the club soon enough, his fast legs taking him there as soon as possible, and he pushed through ghe crowd, beelining to the staircase and jogging up to his and Mingi's room.

He knew that Mingi wouldn't be there, but that was not his problem, as he made it to the large suitcase that contained his clothes. He hurriedly discarded the ruined shirt and jeans he was wearing, replacing it with a comfy sweater and sweatpants. He went to the bathroom, rubbing off his intricate smokey makeup and washing his face till it was bare and the freckles on his skin were clearly visible.

He stared at himself in the mirror.

Doing this had probably invited him some trouble. Or, you know, a lot of trouble.

The mirror showed him the face of someone he wasn't too familiar with. He was used to seeing a fake, sexy Choi San. But now, the person who stared back at him was nothing like that. He saw himself without the dark shades of kohl around his eyes, without the deep, seductive gaze that he had mastered so perfectly, without the faux confidence that he displayed to the world.

Now, a tired, worn Choi San stared back at him, face bare of makeup and bare of any masks, his true nature shining through. His eyes seemed exhausted, and the dark circles under his eyes did nothing to contradict this assumption, but there was something else too. A sort of...determined glare and a firm set to his jaw that hadn't been there before.

There was a nasty, thin cut on his upper cheek, no longer bleeding since he'd washed his face clean, but San didn't see it as a scar or a blemish. He saw it a mark of bravery, the one that had driven him to finally fight back.

He finally recognised his worth.

Knowing that no one would easily recognise him from the casual clothes and bare face lined with freckles, he jogged down the stairs, right to where a dressed up Mingi was behind the counter with a glass in his hand.

The moment he saw San, he placed the glass down, excusing himself from the customer, and came out from behind the counter and to the front to face San, towering over him.

San didn't feel the least bit intimidated, though. Because it was just Mingi. Sweetheart Mingi who couldn't hurt a fly, "Hey," he breathed, shifting on his feet.

Mingi studied him curiously, tilting his head, "You're...different." He didn't comment on the cut on San's face, probably because it wasn't anything new for him to be sporting bruises and injuries in weird places. Many of his clients took pleasure from his pain.

San managed a small smile, "I know."

"Is it a good different?" Mingi wondered, obviously trying to see how he was to approach this situation.

San placed a hand on his shoulder, guiding him away from the disco lights and dancing people and to the corner of the stairs, walking him up with a hand on the small of his back. He didn't say anything till they were inside and Mingi was seated in front of him on the worn couch, "I'm leaving this place," he declared.

Mingi stared at him, "You're what?"

"I'm leaving. I'm going to quit. Do you want to come with me?" San offered, and Mingi stared at him some more.

"You can't be serious. What brought this about?" Mingi looked at him like he was crazy, and San simply shrugged.

"I was with a client, and I realised how much I don't _want_ to be with a client, how much I-" he smiled fondly, "-I want to be with Wooyoung," he finally said, meeting Mingi's eyes unwaveringly.

"You _what?"_

"I'm in love with him, Mingi-yah. He likes me too, I know he does, so I- I can't keep doing this with my life. Not when I have a choice," he shook his head firmly, "So I'm going to leave. Not sure where I'm going, but I'll be okay as long as it isn't here."

Mingi gulped, looking around the room as if he was checking to see if this was really happening. It was, "Okay, um...do you have a plan? For anything?"

San shrugged, "It's not much of one, but I was planning to quit tomorrow, cause I think I've made enough to last me a month if I stay around at hotels, at least. And then...I'll see," he said, "Even if I never see Wooyoung again, at least...at least I'll have tried. Tried to give myself a life."

Mingi rubbed his temple with his hand, “San, why don't you...take the night off, and- and sleep on it? He asked, hoping that he would at least think it through before going ahead with such a brash idea.

San nodded, "Yeah...I know I should. Think about joining me, Mingi-yah. It would help a ton, if you did. Sorry I took you away from your customer, I just..had to tell you this right away."

Mingi sighed, pulling San in for a hug, "I know this is crazy, and you're doing it so suddenly, but I want to let you know, I'm- I'm proud of you for making this decision, Sannie. Just...don't rush into it, and we'll talk tomorrow, okay? Don't just quit or anything so quickly without any idea about having a life after this, it might just end up being worse than it is now, okay? Mull on that," he let go of San, standing up to leave, "I'll cover for you for tonight."

"Thanks dude, and um...if a Park-something shows up and asks for me, say that I was fired for misbehaving or some shit, please. I sorta kicked him in the neck and bolted," San chuckled at the memory.

Mingi took a step forward to give him a high-five, "Nice. Okay, I'll take care of him too, if he shows up."

"Thank you, Mingi-yah."

Mingi smiled, but didn't say anything else, closing the door as he left the room.

San laid back on the couch, closing his eyes.

Tomorrow would be a the start of a new life.

He dreamt of a certain blonde, hazel-eyed man, his smile lighting up San's world even in his dreams.

*****

"Sannie?"

San woke up to the sound of Mingi's gravelly morning voice, and realised he was still on the couch, having fallen asleep there, "Yeah?" He groaned as he stretched his arms up.

That was when he noticed another presence in the room.

He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and looked at the familiar man in front of him, fidgeting with the threads of his pastel pink sweater, "Hi, San-hyung," there was no mistaking it. That voice. The voice that he'd missed so, so much. He hadn't heard it since high school, almost seven years ago.

" _Oh my god,_ " San managed, running a hand through his messy hair as he sprung up to greet the person in front of him, "Jongho?"

Jongho's eyes brightened when San recognised him, "Hey," he said simply.

San stepped forward, rubbing his eyes as if he was checking to see if it was real, "How- what, Jongho-yah, oh my god!" He said again, a slow smile spreading across his face when he realized that this was, in fact, real, and yes, Jongho, Choi Jongho, the very same one whom he'd spent years with in school, was actually standing in front of him in the flesh.

Jongho grinned on seeing San's smile, his eyes twinkling. He opened his arms invitingly, and in a matter of seconds, San was hugging him, wrapping his arms around his waist and gripping his back and breathing into his neck, taking in the familiar scent of the vanilla soap that Jongho apparently still used. He couldn't stop the burst of happy, exhilarated laughter that escaped him, his hands finding purchase on Jongho's shoulders as he pulled back to take in the man in front of him.

Jongho had grown, quite a lot, the baby fat on his cheeks and arms disappeared, given way to hard muscle that San could feel even through the sweater he was wearing. Clearly, he'd bulked up quite a bit, and his hair was dyed too, a sandy brown that suited him well.

"Hyung, I heard that were in the city, and I tracked you down and I just had to come see you. I haven't seen you in so long, where did you even go? What happened? We were-" he rambled, and San stopped him with a short chuckle.

"Woah, tiger," the nickname brought back fond memories of high school, "Slow down. One question at a time."

"I just...I missed you, San-hyung," Jongho finally said, and San pulled him to sit next to him on the couch.

"I missed you too, Jongho," San turned to see Mingi, who still seemed confused, "Jongho, this is Mingi. Mingi-yah, meet Choi Jongho, my best friend from school."

Once they were through with introductions, Mingi made himself scarce while San started talking with his friend, catching him up with all that had happened.

San told him everything that had happened since he'd left school, including his reason for disappearing, which had caused Jongho to let out a pained gasp and clutch his hand tightly. San waved it off, saying that it was okay and that he was past it, and told him how he had ended up where he was, selling himself everyday for money.

He even told Jongho about his plan to quit soon, if not that day, and that he would probably be skipping town if he couldn't find anything worth staying for in Seoul.

The moment he'd gotten to the part about him leaving, Jongho perked up and shifted closer to him, "Hyung, if it's like that, then why don't you move in with me?" He offered, and San was taken aback by the forward nature of his words.

"Wha- what, I don't-" he stopped abruptly, considering what he'd just been asked, "I don't think that's a good idea, Jongho-yah. I mean, we haven't seen each other in forever, and I couldn't- I couldn't leave Mingi behind."

Jongho shrugged, "Then he could move in too, if you guys don't mind sharing a room. I mean, my roommate probably won't mind, cause we have a spare room and we were actually looking for a roommate to reduce our expenses, and-"

San cut him off, "Are you sure? I mean, isn't it a little- I don't know...too much? After not seeing you for seven years, you're suddenly asking me to move in with you?" He was checking to see if Jongho really meant the offer, or he was just pitying him.

"Why not hyung?" He shrugged, "Well, we were best friends for five years, so it's not like you're some stranger, and Mingi-hyung-" San raised an eyebrow at the suffix, because clearly Jongho made friends fast, "-he's welcome to stay with you in your room if he wants, so yeah. It's a win-win for all of us, I guess. You get out of this hellhole, and Yunho-hyung and I get a cool new roommate, or two, depending on your answer," Jongho finished, looking extremely proud of his idea.

San took a deep breath, "Do you mind if I ask Mingi now?"

Jongho shook his head, "Of course, not. Go ahead, just call him here and I'll tell him myself if you want."

San cracked a small smile at the younger's enthusiasm and raised his voice, "Oi, Mingi! Get your ass here, we have to ask you something."

Mingi promptly showed up, and Jongho's idea was put forth for him to consider. He sat next to San, squeezing into whatever space was left on the couch, "I mean, if it works for you guys, you and your roommate, that is, I'm not opposed to it," Mingi said, watching as Jongho and San broke into matching happy smiles.

San faced Jongho and nodded, "If you think it's okay with you guys, then we'll do it."

Jongho grinned, taking his phone out and dialling, "Yunho-hyung!" He yelled into it.

San chuckled. Jongho was still the same.

*****

San and Mingi stared at each other with shock written all over their faces.

They'd done it.

They'd actually done it.

The two of them were holding large suitcases and a backpack each, containing their things- because really, they lived on top of a club, how many things could they possibly have- and they loaded them into the back of Yunho's car. The latter had come to pick them up.

Jeong Yunho was an interesting figure.

The moment Jongho had put the idea forth to him- on video call because he insisted that was the best way- he'd smiled secretively and nodded, as if he knew something that they didn't. San didn't think too much of it though, as he and Mingi thanked the two of them profusely.

And then, shockingly enough, Yunho proceeded to insist that they move in as soon as possible, even going as far as saying, "No time like the present."

So yeah. Here they were, four o clock on a Thursday afternoon, completely changing their lives in a single day. Or, well, San's at least.

San had quit his job as a prostitute, and that, he could proudly say, was one of the greatest feelings ever. Even the part when his boss said something him losing his "best-paying employee." Mingi hadn't left his job, although they had both stopped living at the club as of that day. He had said that he still needed some time to consider what he would do next, before abruptly cutting off the only source of money that they had between them.

Mingi thankfully felt that it was only right that San left his job at once, as it had been such a terrible one, and he'd agreed to stay as a bartender till he got a proper job somewhere else. One of them had to make money, of course.

They pulled up outside the large multistorey building, and listening to Jongho's excited chatter told San that they lived on the fourth floor. Well, he guessed he lived there now, too.

They didn't really do much of 'settling in', other than dropping their bags on the floor and changing their clothes. Most of San's clothes were slutty and revealing, considering what he did, and he knew that at some point he'd have to get new ones. Or at least repair the huge rips on some of his shirts, caused by some particularly enthusiastic clients.

San looked around the room from where he was seated at the edge of the bed as Mingi emerged from the bathroom in a new set of clothes.

It was pretty nice. It had a homey feel to it, San thought, and smiled. Home. How long had it been since he'd felt like that?

 _Maybe with Wooyoung,_ his mind told him, but he ignored it.

He knew wasn't going to see Wooyoung in the near future. At least not unil he'd given himself enough of a dignity to face the other man again.

Plus, he wasn't even sure that Wooyoung still harboured those feelings for him, the ones that had only grown and bloomed in San till his dark, dark brown life was brightened by that spot of white, the light that was Jung Wooyoung.

He sighed, looking around him.

The room was empty, and it was clear that it hadn't been used for anything other than maybe a guest room. The bed- though pushed to one wall- was pretty large, enough for two grown men, and definitely bigger than the mattresses on the floor that San and Mingi were used to back at the club. A nail for a picture protruded from the wall, and a small nightstand was placed beside the bed.

That was pretty much it. It was simple, but San loved it. Loved that this would be his home now, wth Mingi and Jongho and even Yunho, who had seemed nothing but kind and friendly so far.

Mingi came to sit next to him, just as a voice from the kitchen alerted them, "Guys, I'm making ramyeon for me and Jongho, wanna join us?"

Mingi looked at San, cracked a cute smile, and replied, "Sure Yunho. We'll join you!"

San kicked his legs in front of him, wondering how so much had happened in the span of a few hours, and it was all thanks to the friend that he thought he'd lost forever.

He smiled, standing and pulling Mingi along with him, "Come on, roommate."

Mingi grinned, throwing an arm around him boisterously, "Cool."  
  
  


With full stomachs and sated hunger, three of them began putting the plates and dishes away, with Yunho's insistence that he'd cooked and therefore did not have to clean.

"So, San, Mingi. Tell us about yourselves," Yunho patted the seat next to him, and Mingi slid in.

They said all that they could say in the span of an hour, and soon the four of them were chatting and cracking lame jokes like they'd been best friends forever, and something told San that that might just turn out to be true.

Yunho made an off-handed comment about Jongho's alien strength, which ensued a demonstration of him cracking an apple with his bare hands (wow) and then Yunho laughed, stating that it was normal for him to see this.

"Remember Wooyoungie's face when he first saw you do that?" Yunho cackled, revealing his bright smile.

Did he just say Wooyoungie?

"Uh...Wooyoungie?" San asked, trying to seem nonchalant.

Yunho looked at him with an evil smirk that suggested he knew too much, "Oh, that's right," he said, "You're the same San, aren't you?"

"Uh...what?" He asked, unsure what to make of that expression.

"Oh, nothing. Just... Jung Wooyoung happens to be one of our best friends," he looked at Jongho, "What, you didn't tell him?"

San's jaw dropped.

"Wooyoungie-hyung told me not to mention him, hyung. What am I supposed to do?" Jongho whined, "I don't know what he'll say now that you've told him."

Yunho grinned, "Oh, why don't we find out?" He turned to San, who was staring at the two of them like they'd grown an extra pair of arms, "You like Wooyoung?"

San's eyes widened, "Wait, you- you _what?_ "

Yunho rolled his eyes, "Oh come on, keep up. Do you like Wooyoungie or not?"

San spluttered, looking at Mingi for help. Of course all the latter had for him was a shrug, as if to say, "Do what you want, not my problem." San had the urge to slap him, "I- I um..." Should he just come out and say it? Really, what did he even have to lose anymore? He'd already lost Wooyoung, there wasn't much further this could go, "I do, I like him. A lot. It hasn't changed a bit," he shook his head.

Yunho smiled, as if he'd already known the answer, "Then why don't you go meet him and tell him that? Now that you aren't doing... _that_ anymore, you guys can't have problems, right?"

_Right._

Right!

Now that he wasn't a prostitute anymore, now that he'd taken a step towards building himself up, why not go after the thing he wanted the most, first? Why not go after Wooyoung?

A slow smile spread over his face, "That sounds...amazing," he stood abruptly, "Do you think I could see him?"

Jongho nodded eagerly, "That's the spirit- I can't believe I just said that, what the heck- he'll probably be at the studio now, I could take you."

San nodded, "Mingi you'll be okay by yourself?"

Yunho waved him off, "I'm here aren't I? Dont worry, I won't kill him or anything," he chuckled at Mingi's scandalized expression, "Now shoo. Go get yourself a boyfriend," he grinned when San spluttered nervously and waved his hands in front him.

San was dragged out by an extremely excited Jongho, and his brain immediately started turning to mush.

_I'm going to see Wooyoung._

*****

San took a deep breath,knocking on the door in front of him.

It opened.

He nearly burst into tears at the sight of Wooyoung, still so pretty, so beautiful, hair back to its natural black, and all the feelings he'd been hiding away came back all at once.

Wooyoung stumbled, with a shocked call of his name, and San instinctively placed a hand on his waist to steady him. San couldn't say that it didn't sting even a little when Wooyoung flinched away from the touch like it burned him.

Wooyoung stepped back, seeming unsteady on his feet, and San followed, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him.

What should he say?

'Hey?'

'I missed you?'

' _I love you?'_

Instead, he found himself saying, "I- I left," and he couldn't stop himself anymore, and he pulled Wooyoung in by the waist to kiss him.

San's eyes stung with unshed tears when Wooyoung placed both hands on his chest and pushed him away, and honestly, San couldn't even blame him for it. Kissing him right away had probably been a bad move, but he just couldn't help himself.

He winced when he felt his back hit the door, and was about to apologise for kissing him so suddenly with no warning, when he heard a soft thud.

He looked up to see that Wooyoung had fallen to the ground, sitting on his heels, glasses crooked on his face, and tears streaming down his cheeks.

_Oh my god, did I just mess everything up?_

*****  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, so that's it for San's story! What did you think? 
> 
> We'll be going back to Wooyoung from Chapter 12, this one was basically the only chapter from San's pov, so I hope it was a refreshing change. 
> 
> Comment and subscribe, and please keep following Baby don't like it on ao3!! 
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely comments, each one makes me feel so amazing😁😁 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Hope you're all staying safe☺️☺️ 
> 
> I'm back with Chapter 12!! I know I say this everytime, but I really can't believe this story has done so well so far🤭 I wasn't expecting anything. 
> 
> This chapter is, for lack of a better expression, a whole cheese fest, so prepare to squeal as much as I did while writing this, lol. 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung's head fell forward and his glasses dropped from his face and onto the floor with a resounding clatter. His shoulders shook from the force of his tears and he barely registered San approaching him to kneel in front of him.

Why was he crying?

_Fucking hell, I don't know._

It was just....too much. Seeing San again and having everything come back, everything that he'd tried so hard to forget all came crashing back in the longest second of his life and it was just...too much.

And then San had to go and kiss him.

What was he thinking? With no warning, after being completely MIA for three months-

"Wooyoungie?" It was the same voice. The same voice that had whispered in his ear and cried to him and even yelled at him all those times. It only made Wooyoung cry harder. A gentle, too-familiar hand took his jaw and angled his face upwards, until he was looking San in the eyes.

He sniffed, and involuntarily leaned into the touch. He noticed a cut high on San's cheekbone, clearly a new one, from the way the scratch hadn't even scabbed over yet. His hair was completely black, the red dye having faded out, and the piercings in his ears were still the same. His face was bare, though, and the freckles that were usually hidden by layers of concealer were out in the open.

"Wooyoung-ah, don't cry," San said, hand moving to his cheek, "If you cry, I'll cry too." And then he shuffled forward, his other hand pushing fallen Wooyoung's glasses out of the way before coming to rest on his waist, "Please, don't cry," he begged, his voice soft, almost just a whisper.

Wooyoung looked at him with red-rimmed eyes, biting his lip right over the beauty mark on it. San wanted to kiss him again. He didn't. "San, what- what are you doing here?" The tears stopped leaking, though they'd already left tracks on his cheeks and red in his eyes, "Didn't we agree not to let this happen again?"

Weirdly enough, San smiled.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and a smile spread over his face as Wooyoung watched, stupefied, "Wooyoungie, I left," he said, hand tightening its grip on the smaller's waist, "I left my job, I- I'm not a prostitute anymore, I don't have to stay away from you anymore," his eyes stung. He might have cried, but he knew it would probably just make Wooyoung burst into tears again, and that was the last thing he wanted, so he held himself back with a deep breath.

Wooyoung's eyes widened, "You did?"

San nodded. He leaned forward, allowing himself to brush his lips across Wooyoung's cheek, moving to speak in his ear, "I did," he paused, his breath wafting over a shocked Wooyoung's ear, "And I still like you. Do you...?" he trailed off, not knowing how to finish the question.

Wooyoung understood, though. Of course he did. He nodded, "Me too," he breathed, leaning back to look at San's face, "I still like you too." He didn't say 'love'. He knew it would be too soon.

San looked at him, hopeful eyes flitting back and forth from his lips, "Can I kiss you?"

Wooyoung smiled, moving his hands to wrap around San's shoulders and pull him closer, "Yeah," he affirmed, and San smiled and pressed his lips against Wooyoung's.

It was like the first breath of fresh air after being locked in a stuffy room for way too long.

Wooyoung let a sigh escape into San's mouth as their lips met for the umpteenth time, but it still felt like the first. Everything was familiar, soft, gentle, but it felt so new at the same time.

Perhaps it was just because this _was_ new, because this time, San wasn't going to kiss him this way and then go sit on someone else's lap. No, this was just for Wooyoung. Him and him alone.

He couldn't believe that just this afternoon, he had been wondering how he would ever get over this, and now here he was, being kissed by San, his mind reeling from the sheer happiness radiating through him at the feeling of being in San's arms again.

Wooyoung's knees started to hurt from the position, so he pulled away, sitting down properly and pulling San to sit on his lap, resting their foreheads together as he panted, breath fanning San's face.

San chuckled happily, hand tracing over Wooyoung's face, mapping his cheeks and jaw and running his thumb over his lips as if to embed the image in his mind. Wooyoung's hand came up to smooth over San's cheek, catching on the cut there and making him wince lightly, "What happened?" He asked.

San shook his head, "It doesn't matter now."

"But you're hurt," Wooyoung insisted.

San placed a chaste kiss on his lips, "I'm okay, Wooyoungie. Don't worry about me."

Wooyoung suddenly laughed, hands wrapping around San's neck and burying his face in his shoulder, "God, I can't believe this is actually happening."

San ran a hand through Wooyoung's hair, looking down at him fondly, "Me neither."

Wooyoung looked up, "How did- what prompted all of this?" He asked, searching San's eyes for an answer.

San shrugged, "You, mostly," Wooyoung flushed at the statement, "And I guess, I just had to get away at some point. Plus, I owe it all to Jongho."

Wooyoung stared at him, "Jongho- oh my god, what did he do?"

San chuckled, "No, no. He just- well, a lot happened in one day, basically."

Wooyoung looked around the empty studio, pulling San to sit properly on his thighs, "I have time."  
  


A lot of talking and a _l_ _ot_ of kissing later, they'd finally shared everything that had happened over the past few months with each other.

San's narration of the incident with the somewhat rough client the previous day made Wooyoung lean forward to kiss his wound better, an action that San found absolutely adorable.

Once San finally got to the part about him and Mingi moving in with Yunho and Jongho, he received an indignant whine from Wooyoung about how he hadn't been informed about any of this, resulting in him looking stupid by crying helplessly when he'd seen San.

"Aw, sweetheart, it's okay," San teased, "You're cute even when you cry," he cupped Wooyoung's cheek and rubbed noses with him childishly, earning a gentle slap to his shoulder.

"Shut up, you weren't the one sobbing," he grumbled, trying not think about the way San had called him 'sweetheart'.

San laughed, "Besides, it's not like anyone knew about this before. It's all kind of an...impromptu thing. No one planned for us to stay there," he explained.

Wooyoung shrugged, "Still, it would've been nice to have had a warning. I mean, you don't really expect to see someone like that after three months, and when your friends don't even tell you what's going on, it's isn't-"

San shut him up with a kiss, and when he pulled away, Wooyoung blinked, "What was I saying?"

San let out a burst of laughter, shifting in Wooyoung's lap, "Doesn't matter."

Wooyoung ran a hand through San's black hair, "So what now?"

"What?"

"You know," he tilted his head, "Just...what now? What are we going to do, where is this-" he gestured between them, "-going?"

San bit his lip, playing with the hair on Wooyoung's nape, "I'd like to think someplace nice?" He mused, tucking a lock of hair behind Wooyoung's ear. The latter nearly melted at the sweetness of the gesture.

Wooyoung raised an eyebrow, "Are you asking me out?"

San shrugged, "I guess I am."

Wooyoung smiled, kissing the tip of San's nose, "Yes, I'll go out with you, Sannie," he answered, smile widening when San pulled him into a proper kiss.

They smiled against each other's mouth, playful and chaste kisses exchanged between giggles. Wooyoung intertwined their hands, playing with San's fingers as they shared innocent kisses until their lips were swollen and red.

"Hey," Wooyoung said breathlessly in between kisses, "Let me drop you off at home?"

San nodded, "That would be great, Jongho left me here and drove off to god-knows-where." He shifted, getting up from Wooyoung's lap and standing to his full height, Wooyoung following.

"Sannie?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really proud of you," Wooyoung declared, and San blushed at the admission.

"Thank you."

San slipped his hand into Wooyoung's as the younger gathered his stuff, slipping his glasses back on his face as they walked out the door, shutting it behind them. They waved their joined hands back and forth as they got into Wooyoung's car and he turned the key, engine revving to life.

His phone pinged and Wooyoung pulled it out, seeing that he had three texts from Yunho and one from Jongho. All the texts from Yunho were various winky faces and smiles, and Jongho had said, 'No need to thank me, hyung...just buy me jokbal'. He chuckled, showing San the messgaes, who laughed till his eyes crinckled up and disappeared.

Wooyoung kissed him with no warning and San looked at him, surprised, "What was that for?"

"Nothing," Wooyoung stated, starting to pull out from the parking lot, "You're just cute."

San let out an embarrassed squeak and covered his face, Wooyoung laughing heartily at his expense.

They bantered good-naturedly through the drive back to Yunho's, and when they got there, they were greeted by a smirking Yunho and a very red Mingi.

Wooyoung wondered what had happened, but Yunho's ruffled brown hair and Mingi's clearly swollen lips spoke for themselves. He snickered subtly as he and San were dragged inside with loud chatter from Yunho, "So, am I a matchmaker or what?"

San laughed, looking at his and Wooyoung's linked hands, "I guess so."

Wooyoung looked around the room for a second before turning back to his friends, "Uh...I should probably go."

Yunho nodded, "Or you can stay, whatever."

Wooyoung shook his head, "I gotta do the chores at some point, Yunho-yah. I live alone, remember?"

San slipped his hand out of Wooyoung's, "Bye, then."

"Bye, guys," he waved, "I'll...see you tomorrow?"

Yunho nodded, "Sounds good."

Wooyoung left San with a kiss on the cheek- inducing cat-calls from Mingi and Yunho- and a wave at the other two, saying that he would be back the next day to help San and Mingi settle in.

Wooyoung breathed heavily, smile all over his face as he drove home.

_Well, that was certainly unexpected._

Of all the ways he would've guessed that day would've ended, kissing a flustered San on the cheek goodbye after he'd agreed to date him was not one of them.

But clearly, they were taking it slow.

If Wooyoung's body was in charge, by now they'd have already had sex twice- okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but who could deny that San was as hot as ever, and Wooyoung still sort of wanted to jump his bones. But since his head was in charge now, it told him that taking it slow was the only viable option. They would do it the right way, without becoming physical immediately. Wooyoung would take San on cute dates and they'd call each other silly nicknames and they'd do meet-the-parents and all that cliché nonsense before Wooyoung allowed himself to dive into the deep end.

Yes, of course he loved San, he knew that. But who was to say that San felt the same? It had been three months since they'd seen each other, after all. Who was to say that those three months weren't enough for San's feelings to diminish. Perhaps not completely, because he'd said so himself, but maybe the fire that they had felt, the one that had prompted Wooyoung to ask San to sleep with him all those days ago, maybe that had calmed to a gentle flame, one that needed fuel to keep it ablaze.

That fuel would only come out of taking it slow.

Wooyoung hummed absently, wondering if he should call Yeosang right then, or wait till he got home.

He decided that delaying it any further would only make his friend more irritated about being kept in the dark, so he plugged his phone to car's system and said loudly, "Call Yeosang."

Three familiar rings were followed by an even more familiar, _"Hello?"_

"Hey, Yeosang-ah, you have to hear what happened-"

 _"Yeah, yeah I know, your beloved San and his friend live with Yunho and Jongho now, he came to see you at the studio, you guys did nasty stuff, blah blah blah,"_ he ranted, _"Jongho's here now, he filled me in,"_ Yeosang explained.

"Ah, okay. Tell him I say hi- wait...did you say nasty stuff? God, no nothing like _that_ happened," Wooyoung whined, "Dude, we were in the studio!" He turned left, indicator ticking.

Yeosang cackled smugly, _"It's not like I'd blame you for having sex in your studio, I mean you might be into that,"_ he snorted, _"How would I know what kinky shit you and boyfriend get upto?"_

Wooyoung's jaw dropped and his face turned flaming red, "Dude, he's not my _boyfriend_! We haven't said anything like that. Also, what the fuck do you mean by 'kinky shit', I'm not- it's not like that-" he insisted, but Yeosang was already laughing again. Wooyoung swore he could hear just the hint of Jongho's boisterous laughter too.

 _"It's so easy to rile you up, Wooyoungie,"_ Wooyoung could imagine the shit-eating grin that was probably plastered on Yeosang's face at that moment, _"Also, you didn't hear this from me, but the cameras in your studio can be turned off with the third switch on the right. You and your dear San can do all the kinky stuff you want,"_ he said, and Wooyoung proceeded to once again splutter and deny everything, but it was too late, as Yeosang had already hung up the call.

Wooyoung sighed, turning the corner into his lane. It was just as well that Yeosang had hung up, because he was home already.

Plus, he didn't think he could take more of Yeosang's uncensored teasing. Gosh, his friend really needed a filter. Or at least some sense of shame.

He parked the car in its usual spot and grabbed his stuff, adjusting the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose as entered his house. 

He sighed as he shut the door behind him and went to the bedroom to shower. He always had a quick shower in the evening after work, because he was usually all sweaty.

Once he was done with his shower, he grabbed something from the table nearby, not bothering to take clothes from inside his closet. Incidentally, he happened to get San's hoodie, and he smiled as he slipped it on over his shoulders, the smell of San's cologne obviously having faded away, but the memory of it still tugged at Wooyoung's heartstrings as he pulled it on.

He grabbed his phone and the first thing he did was unblock San's contact, having blocked him after they'd spent the night together three months ago. After a moment of consideration, he texted the number a quick 'hi', hoping that San still had his number, and before he could reconsider, took a quick selca of himself in San's worn black hoodie and pressed send.

He giggled at his own smiling face and dropped the phone on his bed, going out the door to do the dishes that he'd been neglecting for two whole days.

His heart felt unnaturally light, unlike the way it had been weighing him down for weeks. A flush rose to his cheeks when he remembered his and San's soft kisses and giggles resounding through the studio, probably captured on the security cameras.

He might have to deal with that later.

But for now, he could just be happy, dancing along to an absent tune as he scrubbed and rinsed and wiped.

Because now, San wasn't a distant memory, or an unnatainable happiness.

Now, he was Wooyoung's.

****

Wooyoung giggled as San pressed him further against the wall, lips and tongue dancing over his neck and jawline, "Sannie, that tickles!" He exhaled, and felt San's smile against his throat. In retaliation, San bit down on his neck, forcing a sudden gasp from his lips.

San moved to press kisses on his cheeks and face, "I've missed you so much, you know that?" He kissed the mole under Wooyoung's eye, "I missed this the most," he said, smiling. He kissed Wooyoung's lips, thumb brushing over the beauty spot on his bottom lip, "and this."

Wooyoung flushed, "You're such a flirt," he shoved San by the shoulder, "I don't even know why I agreed to help you unpack, I should've known this would happen."

San stepped back when Wooyoung shoved him, walking backwards to sit on the bed. He grinned, patting his own lap, "Come here," he invited, and Wooyoung simply rolled his eyes at him, but walked forward to sit on San's thighs anyway, arms naturally moving to wrap around his neck.

They were just moving in for another kiss when the door opened and Jongho walked in, squeaked, and promptly covered his eyes, "Ew," he groaned and moved his hands from his eyes, "Please tell me I'm not going to have to keep seeing that everytime I come in here," he cringed, but Wooyoung laughed. He knew Jongho was only kidding, considering the bright twinkle in his eye. 

"Come on Jongho-yah," Wooyoung patted the bed next to San, "What's up?"

"You're not going to move, hyung?" Jongho questioned.

Wooyoung shrugged, "Why? I'm comfortable," he said, turning in San's lap to face Jongho.

The younger sighed, mumbling something about clingy idiots, and turned to San, "Hyung, you still sing?" He asked.

San was taken aback for a second, wondering what could have brought that question about, but he nodded anyway, "Yeah, I sang the vocals for Mingi's mixtape. He produces music, did you know that? Not professionally or anything, of course, so he asked me to do it for free."

Jongho raised an eyebrow, "No, as a matter of fact, I didn't know that. That's pretty cool, actually. So you've kept in practise right?" San nodded, and Jongho seemed to be satisfied with his response, "So I'm doing this thing..." He explained his part-time work as a vocalist for Hongjoong's tracks, and San was impressed by it, nodding along and praising him.

Jongho finally got to the point, "Anyway, there's this one he's got for me to learn by tomorrow so I can go and record it, and I'm just not getting it right. I've been trying this whole weekend, and something is still wrong in the chorus, not sure what," he said, frustrated, "So I wanted you to help me out."

Wooyoung leaned forward to peer over the paper Jongho was carrying, containing the song that he had to learn. 'Twilight', he read on the top. He felt one of San's hands move from its perch on his waist to get the paper from Jongho and look over it.

"Wow, this is a pretty song," he admired, "Why don't you show me what's bothering you here?" San suggested, and received a nod from Jongho, who began singing the first lines of the song.

His pretty falsetto and strong vocals sounded perfect to Wooyoung, but apparently San had other ideas.

"Add a little trebble here," he said, pointing to the sheet, "and stretch this note our longer, it's too abrupt," he watched as Jongho nodded in understanding, "Okay, let's go again."

Jongho sang the first line again, and San shook his head, much to Wooyoung's shock. Wooyoung was lightly lifted off San's lap and pushed onto the bed next to him, so that San could turn fully and face Jongho.

Wooyoung couldn't even bring himself to be mad about being deprived of his spot when San opened his mouth and started singing.

_...wow._

He watched, stupefied, as San belted out the intro effortlessly, falsetto and chest voice seamlessly blending together to create a beautiful effect. His voice was like honey, completely unlike what one would expect from a man with San's looks, but they do say 'never judge a book by its cover.' Wooyoung had never been more sure of that statement before, as he watched San's eyes flit over the sheet in his hand and sing along to the words.

Once San had sung it, Jongho's eyes brightened considerably, and he smiled, "Wow, hyung. You really haven't lost it at all, have you? You're still as good as back then, if not better," he praised, and San flushed, "Okay, tell me if this is better," he said, and started singing again.

This time, San gave him a proud smile and a pat on the back, "You were always the best singer, Jongho-yah. There's no doubt about that," he declared, and Jongho shrugged.

"I guess my range was always better than most, but I don't have what you have. It's a...different feeling that you make others feel when you sing, hyung. I'm sure Wooyoungie-hyung will agree with me right?" The two of them looked at Wooyoung, who was still staring at San, open-mouthed.

"What?" San asked, tilting his head curiously.

Wooyoung shook his head, "Uh, just...wow," he stated stupidly, staring at San, "You're- You're amazing, San!"

San chuckled, "I'd hardly call myself that, but thanks. I guess it's what fourteen years of music training does to you," he simply shrugged, and Wooyoung looked at him in awe.

"Wo- wow," he said again, and San shoved him lightly, "Oi, stop staring."

Wooyoung bit his lip, nodding dazedly, "Huh," he said stupidly, but he stopped staring anyway, turning to the floor as he fidgeted with his fingers. This was probably the worst thing to think about, but Wooyoung's mind very helpfully supplied that San's beautiful singing voice had just made him about ten times more sexy than he already was.

San continued to sing and help Jongho, correcting him and adjusting certain parts, acting as if he hadn't just caused Wooyoung to fall in love with him all over again.

Wooyoung sighed, lying on his stomach and placing his chin in his open palms, watching as San proceeded to be the most endearing little shit ever.

Damn, Wooyoung was so gone for this man.

*****

Wooyoung awoke to the sound of his phone ringing.

_Trrring._

He ignored it the first time, assuming it was just Yunho or something.

_Trrring._

But then the second time his phone rang, Wooyoung reached for it sleepily, yawning as he answered without seeing who it was, "Hello?"

_"Wooyoung?"_

And then he was wide awake, "San, hey, what's up?" There was a pregnant pause from the other line, as if San was considering what he should say. Wooyoung blinked slowly, eyes adjusting to the darkness as he rolled in bed to face the ceiling, "San?" He prompted.

 _"Um- I woke you, didn't I? Um- I'm sorry, this was a bad idea, I'll- I'll hang up,"_ San stuttered, but before he could do anything of the sort, Wooyoung stopped him.

"I'm awake now, it's fine. Just tell me why you called, Sannie," Wooyoung said gently, wondering what was up with the sudden call past midnight.

 _"Well, I was just- I was hoping you could talk to me, you know, to distract me, I guess,"_ San answered finally, after a another beat of silence, _"Mingi isn't here, he's working late, so um...I didn't know whom else to call."_

Wooyoung yawned and placed a hand over his mouth, "Sure, I guess. What exactly an I distracting you from?" He questioned.

_"This actually hasn't happened in a while, I guess it's just because of the new atmosphere, I don't know. I've been....fine for a year or do, and suddenly today it just-"_

"San, you're rambling," Wooyoung interrupted, cutting off his tirade. He wondered what could have made San sound so anxious, so...scared? No, anxious was the right word.

 _"Sorry, I just-"_ San paused again, considering his words, _"I had a nightmare._

"Oh."

It wasn't too surprising. After all, San had had to endure a lot of suffering in his life, nightmares were probably an expected side-effect of his...trauma. Wooyoung knew he probably wouldn't want him to call it that, but that was exactly what it was. He'd been traumatised, and used against his will for unspeakable things. Having flashbacks and nightmares should've been expected.

Still, actually hearing it from San made it seem all the more real, "Do you think you could tell me what it was about?"

San sighed, and Wooyoung could hear it over the phone. He expected the answer when it came, and _"No, just- just talk to me about something, anything. It keeps running through my mind and I can't sleep, I need a distraction,"_ his voice was low, gruff from sleep.

Wooyoung wanted to know what it was that bothered him this much, but assumed that pressing further wouldn't be a good idea either, so he just...."Wanna hear about my family?"

San breathed deeply, _"Yeah, that sounds nice."_

Wooyoung smiled, and began narrating funny events, interesting ones, crazy ones, all the stupid things he'd done as kid, and San listened, enraptured by the sound of his voice as he threw in little comments here and there.

"And then I fell!" Wooyoung giggled, and heard San's voice drift back.

 _"Wow, you really were a stupid kid. I mean, who else would sit on the window ledge and see how far they could scoot forward?"_ Wooyoung could tell that San was beginning to forget about the nightmare, as he relaxed and engaged him in simple conversation.

Wooyoung chuckled, agreeing with San that he, indeed, was a stupid kid.

 _"It's cute though,"_ San mused, and giggled brightly in Wooyoung's ear, _"I couldn't imagine you doing all that stuff, I guess you've changed a lot, huh?"_

"Haven't we all?" Wooyoung asked rhetorically.

It was true. They had changed a lot. Everyone had.

Even from three months ago, Wooyoung could tell that San was different. He no longer had a faux seductive stance and teasing smile plastered on his face all the time. He smiled naturally, revealing his adorable dimples, and his eyes crinkled until they disappeared.

No matter how sexy Wooyoung had thought his old persona was, he had to admit that he loved this San better, the one that didn't wear see-through shirts and didn't sleep with different people every night. The San that had learnt to laugh for himself, and the one that didn't face unspeakable horrors just to earn himself a living.

Wooyoung had changed too.

Falling in love with San had had quite the impact on him. It was hard to think about him, so Wooyoung had kept his thoughts away from the older as much as possible, but he couldn't help those moments of weakness when he allowed himself to wonder about San. How he was, if he was doing okay, and if he was taking care of himself well. Many of those had moments ended with him wearing that old black hoodie of San's and falling sleep with memories of him flitting through his mind. The whole thing had really caused him to mature, giving him a more real outlook of the world and the people around him.

He learnt to be thankful, and grateful for what he had, because he knew that no matter how miserable he felt, there were always others out there who hadn't been so lucky as to have a good life and a stable career, and even a proper home.

He yawned silently, and it snapped him out of this thoughts, bringing him back to reality, where he was lying in bed with a phone at his ear, the very subject of his deep thoughts on the other end.

He knew just what he needed now, "Sannie?" He said after a long pause.

San hummed softly in response, signalling his acknowledgement.

"Sing to me." 

_"Huh?"_ San seemed surprised at the request, Wooyoung didn't understand why, _"Really?"_

"Yeah...you're voice is pretty," he said, yawning at the last syllable, "I want to hear you sing."

_"Okay."_

There a was a long moment of silence in which Wooyoung pulled the sheets over himself, and cuddled into the pillow at his head.

Then San was singing, a beautiful song that Wooyoung didn't know, and he sighed, closing his eyes as San's voice flooded his ears.

San sang softly, and even through the phone his voice was irresistible, sweet, and the younger let himself slowly succumb to the pull of Hypnos, as San's soothing voice lulled him to sleep.

What he didn't know, was that San fell asleep too, once the song was over and he called Wooyoung's name, only to realise that the younger was already out cold, he hung up the phone with a fond smile and turned on his side, falling into a calm, dreamless sleep.

Maybe he was broken now, but he could be fixed. He had Wooyoung now, and he had Mingi, and even Jongho, so now San could afford to hope.

He hoped.

*****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand yay! 
> 
> San and Wooyoung are all lovey dovey again😆 Hope you guys liked this chapter! 
> 
> Leave a comment, and subscribe for more! Please keep following Baby don't like it on ao3!! Check out my other fics too, if you've got time 😋
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> I'm back with chapter 13, I'm so glad you guys liked chapter 12, I was super excited to post it. Thanks for all the support and love, I never expected to get this far!! 
> 
> This story might be nearing its end (don't wanna spoil too much but you know) so I wanna thank u guys and ask you to check out my other fics if you can!!
> 
> Warning: this chapter has a little flashback with non-con elements and mentions of hurting, rape etc. 
> 
> Leave a comment and subscribe to Baby don't like it!!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Wooyoung was worried.

The previous night marked the third time this week San had woken him up in the middle of the night, after having had a nightmare.

The first time he'd asked San about it, the older had simply responded by saying that it wasn't anything new, just that he hadn't had them in while, and dealing with nightmares wasn't too bad at all, he could just calm himself down and go right back to sleep.

But he shouldn't be having these nightmares regularly in the first place, right?

Wooyoung was determined to do something about it, to help San get better. Which is why he was standing in front of Yunho's door- t shirt sticking to his skin from sweat as he'd just been in the studio- and ringing the doorbell.

Mingi opened it, and gave him a smile, "You're here for Sannie, right?" Wooyoung nodded, greeted Mingi as brightly as he could- although it was nothing close to the wide grin of the taller man- and was let inside to San and Mingi's shared room.

The usually blank and empty room had now become something you could call a home. There were clear traces of people living there- a picture of San and Mingi, fancy accesories that Mingi wore to the club strewn on the table, and a poster of some kpop group San liked on the wall. Apparently, he'd had that one since he was a kid, and just didn't have the heart to throw it away.

San himself was seated in bed, scrolling through his phone when he noticed Wooyoung enter, eyes brightening as he got up to peck him lightly on the cheek, "Hey, what's up?" San looked him up and down once, "And why are you wet?"

Wooyoung chuckled, "I was at the studio, I'm just sweating, it'll dry," he explained, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and pull San in to sit beside him, "I just wanted to talk to you about something."

San tilted his head curiously, "Sure, what's up?"

Wooyoung wasn't sure how he should start, but he knew he had to at some point. He bit his lip nervously, wondering if this would end well, "Sannie..." He just had to come out and say it, "Are you really okay?"

San seemed surprised by the sudden question, aware that Wooyoung was being serious from the way he kept fidgeting and looking away, "What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well, last night was the third time this week you called me about nightmares, and it seemed like the worst one yet," Wooyoung met San's eyes nervously, "Do you- are you feeling okay?"

San finally relented, shoulders sinking as he opened up with a forlorn sigh, "I don't know, Woo," he shook his head, "I guess it just keeps coming back. The nightmares stopped a year ago, I don't know why I'm having them again, it just-" he paused, "...I don't know."

Wooyoung took San's hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the back of his palm, "Can you tell me what's bothering you this way, San?" He questioned gently, "I care about you, and I don't like it when you're hurting."

For that comment alone, San leaned forward to kiss him chastely, before pulling back to lock their eyes together, "It's hard for me to talk about, I haven't told anyone except Mingi, and even that was only because the situation prompted it," he admitted, sitting back a little more comfortably.

"Don't you think it's time?" Wooyoung tried.

San sighed, "I guess."

The corner of Wooyoung's lips turned up a little in the shadow of a smile "Good."

"Well," San began, "my nightmares used to just be about my...my parents, Namhae, the way I got blamed and driven out, all that. But then I don't know, maybe a year or two ago, after I worked at that cafe, you know, that boss of mine," he explained, and Wooyoung shuddered at the memory of that conversation, "I started dreaming about that, the way he- he tied me up and called me names, and even hurt me physically, it...it sort of snapped something in me."

Wooyoung enveloped San's right hand in both of his own, holding tightly, "What do you mean, 'snapped'?"

San squeezed his eyes tightly shut, the memories of those horrific days flooding back to him, "I used to fight it at first, but then...I just stopped caring. I guess he, like snapped the innocence from me or something. I just...gave up, and I let him do whatever he wanted, he- he tied me up, blindfolded me, used toys, ropes, collars, pretty much everything you can use to hurt a person, I guess," San chuckled, although it was thoroughly devoid of humour, "I still have a scar here, one he gave me with hot wax or something," he pointed to his nape, and Wooyoung immediately tilted his head to the side to see a thin mark, one that was clearly from a burn, stretch across an inch or two of his neck.

The younger felt his blood boil at the thought that someone could hurt another human being like this, hurt _San_ like this, and he leaned forward to kiss the scar, "I'm sorry," he mumbled, lips brushing against the mark, "I'm sorry you had to go through that," he pulled away, tightening his grip on San's hand, "I promise I'll do everything to make sure you don't ever feel that way again."

San smiled, placing his other hand on the pile as well, "You already have."

Wooyoung looked down at their joined hands, "Not until you stop having these nightmares, I haven't. Not until- until you stop disliking yourself, San. Until you can say that you really do love every part of yourself as much as I do, and believe it, I haven't done enough."

San's eyes widened, "You- you just said you love me."

That was when he realized what he'd just confessed. He couldn't deny it though, it was true, just like every other thing he'd just told San, it was true. He loved him, and whether San felt the same or not, it wasn't going to change.

So he just looked up at San's eyes and met his shocked gaze, "I did," he said simply, "because I do, Sannie. I love you."

He'd barely finished saying those words when he felt himself suddenly be kissed by San, lips meeting feverishly as the older cupped his face with both his hands, "You mean it?" He asked against Wooyoung's lips, stunned, "You really love me?"

The latter nodded, pulling away to answer, "I really love you, Sannie. And I realise that you might not be there yet, but I-" And then San was kissing him again, whispering against his lips, but Wooyoung couldn't make out what he was saying. It was only when they pulled back for breath that the younger actually registered the words that he was being told.

"I love you too, oh my god, I can't believe I...I love you too, Jung Wooyoung," San exhaled, and he was smiling, pulling Wooyoung into a hug, "I love you," he said again, and he couldn't seem to stop saying it, breathing it out into Wooyoung's ear and against his mouth in between rushed kisses.

Wooyoung laughed, pulling away from San's arms, "I can't believe that we actually just said that."

San nodded, "Me neither, I..." He inhaled, "Thank you," he said finally, "Thank you so much, Wooyoung-ah."

Wooyoung nodded, "...yeah," he couldn't stop smiling, but once he remembered why he had gone over to San's in first place, the wide smile dropped from his face, "So, um..." He started, and San turned a little glum when he realised what Wooyoung was referring to.

"Yes, I know. I get that you're worried, you have every right to be. I have nightmares, and I've even had panic attacks before, but it's getting better, I promise you," he assured, but Wooyoung wasn't convinced.

"San, last night, you...it didn't seem like it was getting better, in fact, it seemed to be worse than before," he insisted, hand cupping San's jaw, "I'm just worried that something is still hurting you."

San sighed, leaning into Wooyoung's touch, "Of course it's still hurting me, Woo. I was....broken, but it's okay now, right? I'm safe now. I know I'm safe. I have you, and Mingi, and Jongho and I'm safe. I guess it's just...I haven't yet accepted that this is my life now, that I can go out and be free and not have to sell myself every night. I still have a sort of fear that I'm not completely free from that life yet, that's all. It's probably all that's bothering me. I'll get used to it though, Wooyoungie, this is just temporary. I'll be fine in no time," he reassured him, and Wooyoung nodded, albeit a little hesitantly.

"I won't push it now, but if this keeps happening, you might need to go see someone and get help," Wooyoung didn't want to have it get to that point, the point where San would actually have to admit that something was seriously wrong and get help to fix it, but he might have no choice, if things kept going this way. 

San sighed, "I understand," he said, nodding, "I know I'm not...normal, Wooyoung, but that doesn't mean I can't fight through this, okay?"

Wooyoung looked up, nodding, "I'll help you as much as I can, but we both know that it's your burden to let go of, right? I didn't want to have to say it, but if worst comes to worst, you might have to go for therapy."

San had a determined look in his eyes, "Then we shouldn't let it get to that, yeah?" He said, smiling as convincingly as he could, and pulled Wooyoung closer, "Okay, we just said we love each other, this is a big deal, and you are too far away. Come here and kiss me," he demanded as he leaned back, pulling a no-longer-sweaty Wooyoung to lie on top of him so their lips connected.

Wooyoung giggled, hands falling to rest on either side of San, "I love you."

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too, now shut up and kiss me."

"Sure, but you promise you'll take care of yourself, right? Don't keep stuff fr- mmf" he was cut off when lips pressed against his own, and the surprise he felt caused his heart to thunder in his chest, making him forget whatever it was that he was going to say.

San pulled back, looking triumphant, "That's more like it," he declared, looking at Wooyoung's features painted in surprise from the suddenness of his previous action, "Kiss me properly this time," he ordered, pulling the younger down again.

Wooyoung couldn't even protest, melting into the kiss with all the love he had.

Well, he could always save his worrying for later and just focus on this for now, the feeling of San's mouth on his and his hands holding Wooyoung ever so gently and the love that they shared, now out in the open.

Yeah, he'd definitely rather do this than worry.

*****

Wooyoung sighed exasperatedly as he looked down at a thrashing San, squirming around in bed as muffled sounds escaped him in his sleep.

" _The nightmares aren't so bad anymore, Wooyoungie!_ " He'd said to him, just a few hours ago, two weeks after their 'talk'.

This certainly didn't seem 'not so bad' to Wooyoung.

San was clearly uncomfortable, and the sounds escaping his slightly parted lips as he kicked the covers off him were anything but normal. It almost seemed as if he was in pain. He eyes were squeezed shut, tighter than they should be for someone who was asleep, and his forehead and exposed collarbones shone with a thin sheen of sweat. His fists were clenched tightly into the sheets, and the corners had come untucked from the force of San's vice-like grip.

He didn't even know that people could get nightmares from those quick naps in the afternoon, but apparently San could. Wooyoung had just come over to chill with him since it was a Saturday afternoon and he didn't have much to do. Yunho and Mingi had gone off on what they heavily denied was a date, but both San and Wooyoung believed otherwise. Jongho was with Hongjoong, working on some new song.

So he and San had stayed together all morning, cooking for themselves and cleaning- and even a little making out in the kitchen, that Yunho would _never_ find out about. And of course all the _working_ had tired them out and Wooyoung had suggested taking a nap together (not just so that they could cuddle, but maybe that was some part of it).

What he definitely hadn't expected was for San to start mumbling in his sleep about ten minutes later, his voice grainy and muffled, as if it was coming from far away, as he squirmed and thrashed around in bed.

Wooyoung wasn't sure if waking someone in the middle of a nightmare would be a good idea, decided that it wasn't, and thought he would try and calm San down in his sleep, without abruptly waking him and possibly shaking him up further.

He sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at San, and allowed himself to reach out a hand and take San's left one, unraveling his sweaty palm from where it was gripping the sheets. He smoothed his fingers over San's palm, unclenching it so that he could hold San's hand properly. He did the same to the other hand, till both of San's hands were no longer clutching the sheets in a death-grip, and now were gently placed in Wooyoung's, as the younger smoothed his thumb over the back of his palms and placed little butterfly kisses on his wrists.

Even in his sleep, San seemed to calm down at Wooyoung's touch, the squirming reducing by a lot, but he was still letting out pathetic whimpers and struggled noises as he moved his head from side to side, as if he was shaking it to say no.

After a minute or so with not much struggling, San's grip abruptly tightened on Wooyoung's hands, his knuckles white, and Wooyoung had a moment of panic when he suddenly kicked at nothing in particular, whining loudly.

Wooyoung scooted closer and leaned down, placing his lips on San's sweaty forehead as he whispered to him, words that he probably couldn't hear, in the hope that his presence alone would calm him, "Sannie, baby, calm down," he mumbled, thumb running over San's left cheek, "You're safe. You're safe with me," he repeated, brows furrowing when San's grip only tightened further.

Wooyoung kissed him on the temple again, barely a brush of his lips, and climbed into the bed fully, pulling San into his side and cradling his head into his own neck.

Sand hands flew to his shirt instinctively, and his fists held onto the front of the shirt as he pushed his head further into Wooyoung's neck, another whimper leaving his mouth. The younger ran a hand through San's hair, smoothing it down as he shushed him softly, "Sannie, baby. You're okay," he kissed the top of San's head, "You're okay," he reassured, but he wasn't sure whom he was really trying to convince.

After a few more minutes of Wooyoung's babying, San finally seemed to calm down, his whimpers ceasing as his hands stilled on Wooyoung's chest, his breathing heavier than usual, grazing the plane of the younger's throat. Wooyoung sighed, burying his nose into San's hair, "Please be okay," he whispered, "Please be okay for my sake, Sannie."

_Please be okay._

He couldn't fall asleep after that, as he held San close and kept whispering to him, long after he'd fallen into a deep sleep and calmed down, sweat on his brow dried up completely. His breathing had evened out, and his lips brushed against Wooyoung's neck unconsciously, making him shiver.

They stayed like that for almost an hour, San sleeping calmly with no further escapades, before Wooyoung's phone rang loudly and he grabbed it from the nightstand, turning off the volume when he saw that it was just some spam caller. The sound of his phone seemed to have woken San, because when he turned back to wrap his arm around him again, he was faced with a pair of open brown eyes, shining as they blinked open, "What's the time?" San asked innocently, and Wooyoung had the urge to kiss him for his cuteness.

He held it back and chose instead to pull San closer, "It's three," he answered, and San leaned into him, "San..." He didn't know how to say it, but he knew it had to be said.

"Hm?"

Wooyoung tilted San's face up to look at him, "San, you told me your nightmares were much less now, you said they didn't bother you at all, but-" San's face morphed into an expression of understanding, "-what just happened today seemed bad, San. Very bad. Is it...is it really getting better, like you said, or have you been lying to me?" He asked worriedly.

San didn't say anything, but his guilty expression was enough of an answer.

He should have been mad, he should probably have been mad that San had been lying to him, but he wanted a proper reason from him first, before jumping to conclusions, "Why?" He asked, simply.

"I- I don't know, I just didn't want to worry you too much," he defended, "I'm already causing you so much trouble, and if I told you that the nightmares were getting worse, even worse than they were a year ago, then you'd just worry some more."

* _Worse?_ *

"Sannie, don't keep this stuff from me," he demanded, voice raising slightly in volume displaying his clear annoyance with the older man, "You already said you'd be honest with me, and then you keep lying to me through your teeth like this? Just because you think I'd worry too much?" He sighed, closing his eyes.

"Wooyoung," San tried, "Wooyoung-ah, look at me."

He did, and he only saw determination and grit in San's eyes this time, the guilt having disappeared, "What?" He asked.

"Are you mad at me?"

Wooyoung moved a hand to San's nape, gaze mapping San's pinched face, "I couldn't be mad at you, I just- I'm kind of betrayed that you kept this from me," he admitted, "We have to be honest with each other if we want this to work, you know that right?"

San gave up trying to hold his ground further, melting into Wooyoung's warmth, "I know that. I know, but I...it's hard to say anything when it feels like I'm just bothering you with my...my issues."

Wooyoung moved to sit up against the headboard, pulling San to sit next to him, "You're not bothering me, don't say that. I care for you, and this is everything but a mere bother. Don't make it sound like you're the one in the wrong," he insisted, "You don't have...issues, Sannie, if anything, they aren't your issues," he said softly, head falling onto San's shoulder, "It's _those_ people who have issues, the people who treated you badly and hurt you this much, they're the ones that really need the help."

"But....?" San prompted, knowing that that wasn't the end of whatever Wooyoung wanted to say.

He was right, "But...you've been hurt. You've been hurt badly, and I don't think your fear will just go away by itself, San. Do you- what was your dream about earlier today?" He enquired, lacing their fingers together.

San closed his eyes, leaning his head against the side of Wooyoung's, "I- it was that boss of mine again, the one who- who raped me. It was more of a memory than a dream, because that really did happen, he really- he really did tie me up and blindfold me and choke me, and I don't know why I'm remembering this now. I haven't thought about it in years," he mused.

Wooyoung sighed, "It's horrible," he said, "I've said it so many times before, but that doesn't change it. It's...horrible, what you had to endure. In your sleep, you- you were moving around like you were in pain, San. You were whining and tensing at every touch, I- it's a good thing that I managed to calm you," he said, relieved.

"You didn't wake me up, though? How did I sleep through that?" San wondered, and Wooyoung explained that he'd tried to make San's subconscious become aware of his presence, which would hopefully stop the nightmare, and clearly, it had worked.

San's eyes widened, and he moved to look down at Wooyoung, who was still leaning on his shoulder, "Thank you," he was completely sincere, "I don't think I've ever been able to sleep properly after those, not like today," he shook his head.

Wooyoung smiled a little, "I love you," he said out of the blue, but San knew what he meant by that, why he was saying that now. It was just what he needed to hear. 

"I love you too," he kissed Wooyoung's cheek and patted his head like he was a child.

They were silent for a few long seconds, even the ticking of the clock audible alongside their steady, quiet breaths.

Wooyoung broke the silence first, "Sannie, you know I...I only want the best for you, right?"

San looked at him surprise, "Why're you suddenly saying that?"

Wooyoung bit his lip, not knowing what San's reaction to his next words would be, "I think- I think that you might need help, San. To get better."

San shifted away, staring at Wooyoung incredulously, "To get better; I'm not sick, Wooyoung! Why are you saying it like that?" His brow was raised, demanding an answer.

"I just- I don't mean it like that, San! Just that...your nightmares don't seem to be getting any better, and from what you said, if they really are only getting worse, then..." He met San's gaze defiantly, challenging him to argue, "Then I suggest that you listen to me, for your own good."

"You're really making it sound like something is _wrong_ with me, and immediately after you just said otherwise. I don't need professional help, I told you. I can and will fight through it myself," San insisted, "Besides, I'm not alone now, am I? I've got awesome roommates and a very adorable human that I'm in love with, right here with me," he booped Wooyoung's nose, and the younger flushed at his words and the action.

But Wooyoung knew what San was trying to do. He wasn't having it, "Stop flirting with me to get away from the conversation. Running won't help you San, and neither will ignoring the elephant in the room," his voice was strained, annoyance clear in his tone and expression, "You said yourself- if I remember correctly- that you understand that you might need some help, so why are you protesting now?"

San looked away from him, biting his lip, "I...look, I've told enough people about the bad decisions I made in my life, and all the shit that people have done to me, I don't think I can handle telling all of that to someone again, especially someone I don't know and I don't trust. It's- it's a big step, Youngie-" Wooyoung raised an eyebrow at the cute nickname, he liked it, but now wasn't the time to comment, "-and it's like accepting that I have problems, you know? I just...I wanna be normal, I wanna be okay, but at this point, no matter how bad this may sound, I'd rather just pretend to be okay forever, than have someone sort through my fucked up mind and analyse me bit by bit."

Wooyoung sighed, seeing how defiant San was about the whole thing. Before he could interrupt, though, San was already talking again.

"And what if something actually is wrong with me? What if all the crap that I had to go through left a scar that isn't going to go away? What if these nightmares aren't just fleeting memories, and they haunt me this way forever?" He questioned loudly, his thoughts pouring out like a waterfall. Wooyoung stayed silent, simply looking at San with a pained expression, as the older continued to speak, "You know what, I'd rather not know anything more. I'd rather just pretend to be fine than have to deal with a real problem, one that will surely come up if I go to a shrink."

"But San, it-"

"Wooyoungie, just give me one more chance, okay?" San begged, taking both of the younger's hands in his, "Let me make this decision for myself."

Wooyoung considered this as he looked into San's eyes, "Then you have to do something for me," he countered.

San nodded, "Yes?"

"You have to talk, San," Wooyoung said, shifting closer in the bed, "You have to talk to someone properly, no secrets. And who better to talk to than the one you love?" He reasoned, settling back comfortably against the sheets and beckoning San forward.

San's eyes widened at the thought of opening up, about everything he'd ever kept to himself, every dirty secret and form of torture he'd endured, things he hadn't told even Mingi, who had been there through a lot of it. He knew that this wasn't something Wooyoung would back down from, that he wasn't going to give up this easily, so San relented, at least just to retain the semblance of pride he had left, "...okay."

"Okay?"

"Hm," San hummed, sitting in front of Wooyoung, "What do you want to know?"

"Everything."

San crossed his legs, playing with Wooyoung's fingers as he wondered where to start.

And then he launched into his story, filling in the gaps that he'd left the last time he'd told Wooyoung about his life, fitting in the details that he'd omitted before, just so that he wouldn't scare Wooyoung away. Now, though, he knew that wouldn't be possible in the near future, considering the bond that had built between them.

San's grip tightened on Wooyoung's hands, knuckles white as he recounted an incident from when he was around nineteen.

He closed his eyes as the memories came back,making him want to forget them at once, but it was too difficult to ignore them, considering the fact that they'd come up just that day, in the form of a terrible nightmare.  
  


_"Please," San begged, "please don't do this." He tugged at the restraints binding his hands, eyes shut tight behind the silk blindfold. He thrashed in his spot tied to the bed, legs spread wide and completely naked as he tried to ask for freedom. He received a bone-chillingly familiar laugh in return._

_"Oh, little baby, are you scared?" The tone was mocking, demeaning. It caused a tear to slide down his cheek, one that he barely registered._

_San once again wondered why he had agreed to this life, why this had become something of a routine for him. Everyday, he'd be stripped naked and thrown on the bed, ropes or other restraints worked around his wrists and ankles in a tight grip until small scars seemed to etch themselves into his skin permanently. He'd be tied to the bed and left there, sometimes with a blindfold, or maybe a collar, while his boss stood in front of him, fully clothed with a despicable smirk plastered on his face._

_"Oh, look at that, our little babyboy is crying," it was said matter-of-factly, as if him crying and begging to be let go was a minute complication, and not a desperate attempt from San to secure freedom, "What, do you want me to take off your blindfold?" San shuddered in disgust when he falt a calloused, rough hand smooth over his face, rubbing across the silk of the blindfold, "Or maybe these?" The hand moved to the ropes on his wrists, tracing them up and down as San held his breath in fear. A sudden grip on his left wrist, tightening the rope and causing it to bite into his skin, pulled a sharp cry from San, brown bangs dipping into the blindfold and tickling his covered lids._

_He was scared. He was terrified, even though he knew just what was going to happen next. He didn't want to think about it. He was used to it, it was something he went through every single day, and yet it scared him just the same each time, if not worse. He felt more tears leak through the blindfold, wetting the black silk and running down his face. A sudden burst of pain running from his wrist caused him to jerk, letting out a cry as his eyes shot open behind the blindfold. He wasn't sure what had happened, but he didn't have time to think about it for long, when he heard the man above him tutting and move his hand from his wrist, only to bring it to his neck and wrap itself around his throat._

_"Hmm," he hummed nonchalantly, as San's breathing began to escalate, "You're bleeding already? So fragile," he seemed to disapprove, and his hand tightened around the base of San's throat, causing him to lose his awareness slowly, as his breath was cut off, not completely, but enough to leave him dazed and panting, eyelashes fluttering behind the black material. That was when San felt the pain in his wrist worsen, meaning that the rope had actually cut into his skin, which was now steadily leaking blood._

_He didn't know which exact action had prompted it, but one second San was crying to be let go of, to be free, and the next he was succumbing, falling into the pain as if he was coming home, embracing the feeling of losing his senses as breathing became a chore and not an instinct._

_I'm done, he thought._

_I'm done fighting, and I'm done trying to get away. There's no hope left for me anyway, so why not just...give up?_

_He gave up._

When he'd finished talking, a wide-eyed Wooyoung stared at him, brows furrowed in sympathy, "Sannie," he gasped, pulling him into his arms and crushing him against his frame.

San didn't hug him back. He simply let his hands hang by his sides as he waited for a reaction from Wooyoung. He didn't get one for a few seconds, as the younger just hugged him tightly, so he decided to speak instead, "That was the dream I had today, it- I don't know why it suddenly came back like that, but that's why I told you," he clarified, and Wooyoung pulled back a little to look at him properly.

"God, I wish it wasn't you, San," he breathed, "I wish it was me instead."

San shook his head firmly, "No, most of what happened, happened because of me. It's my own fault, so I don't want you saying that. Ever."

Wooyoung sighed, kissing San on his temple, "I just hope you feel better soon. It hurts me to see you hurting," he admitted, and his head fell on San's shoulder, "If only you agreed to get professional help, then maybe I'd be a bit more reassured, but I guess you're right. It is your choice, and I'm not going to keep you from it."

He was answered with silence, as San considered his words.

A minute passed.

Two.

Three.

Six.

"I'll do it."

"What?" Wooyoung mumbled.

"I'll do it," San said determinedly, "I understand where you're coming from, and my- my own insecurities were holding me back from admitting it before, but after thinking about it, I feel that you're right," he said, "I might be too broken to fix myself."

Wooyoung raised his head to look at him, "You- really?"

San nodded, "Yeah, I think it's time I opened up, actually. I was just scared of wearing my heart out on my sleeve like that, but I guess I do feel better after talking," he confessed, "It's still pretty terrifying, the idea of letting someone analyse my thoughts and feelings and problems, but I guess I have to start somewhere, right? If I'm not able to help myself, then I guess that's the next best option."

Wooyoung stared at him, "That was a whole one-eighty you just pulled, are you sure you feel that way, or are you just saying that to please me?" He asked, scrutiny taking up his features.

"No, no, really," San said, "I didn't realise how good it felt to get this stuff off my chest. I mean, of course I'd prefer just talking to you all day, but that probably won't get us anywhere, so I guess I'm going to have to step out of my comfort zone a bit and talk to someone who could actually fix this."

Wooyoung smiled, "Have I mentioned how proud I am of you?"

San managed a tiny grin, dimples boring into his cheeks, "Yeah," he said on an exhale, "and it feels just as great everytime."

Wooyoung giggled, slotting their lips together, "I know someone you can see, my friend went to him after her mom's death," he mumbled, and San pushed him back with an incredulous expression.

"Is that really what you say to someone when you're kissing them?" He questioned, and earned a completely not-innocent grin from Wooyoung, who pulled him back to kiss him again.

"Kiss me some more and you'll find out."

"Gladly."

*****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know I'm writing this but somehow the story seems to have a mind of its own (I have no idea if u understood that but still) 
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys liked this chapter!! All of your comments are so amazing and getting the notification is honestly the best feeling ever 🤭 
> 
> So um...let me know what you thought of this one and if the story has progressed well so far! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> Gosh, I'm so shook that my fic has done well on ao3...For my first longfic, it was a pretty difficult theme to write, so I was super nervous about whether it would turn out good. So yeah, I wanna thank you guys yet again for all the amazing support and comments. 😁😁
> 
> I'm back with Chapter 14, and I hope you like this one as much as you seem to like the other ones! This story is fast approaching its end, sadly (aw). Leave a comment and subscribe!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

Baby steps.

Baby steps, is what Wooyoung told himself, everytime he had to coddle and soothe San through his nightmares, that were now way less frequent and less...terrifying, which was a great thing, but it was still a slow process.

San had gone to see someone, a psychiatrist named Son Minjun, whom his friend had gone to see, and she'd told him that he was nice and didn't prod around too much beyond one's comfort zone, which sighed great, so Wooyoung had recommended him to San.

The sessions had been a pretty big success so far, and San had even managed to completely steer clear of any trouble that he was sure would come up due to the fact that his very job had been quite illegal. Thankfully, the doctor didn't seem to think much of it, and even said that he wouldn't bother about it because San wasn't doing that anymore, and he himself wanted nothing to do with the law or anything of the kind, so reporting was out of the question. His indifference to San's background had been the biggest asset to him, and thus it made opening up to him easier for San.

Well, it wasn't like he'd made instant friends, obviously, but Wooyoung could see he was getting better, more...happy? No, more _free,_ would be the right word. San had stopped seeming like he was still anxious all the time, looking over his shoulder and waiting for bad luck to strike. He was a little more relaxed, and had even gained enough confidence to become a little more clingy and cuddly with Wooyoung, sometimes even in public, which was of course a positive change.

Wooyoung realised that they hadn't really done the whole 'DTR' thing, but he didn't want to rush it. Their very motto at this point would be 'baby steps', as even getting this far had taken them more than a month. Wooyoung couldn't say he was fine with being in an undefined relationship with San forever, but he was sure that they wouldn't remain that way for long, at least not with the way San was progressing and the way they were growing together.

Wooyoung was thankful that San had finally found the courage to face his demons and even step on them, firmly closing the door to any toxicity that might come of being ill-treated and used for so long. He'd found the courage to live for himself, to look forward to things in life, and let himself be happy just because, and Wooyoung really couldn't have asked for anything more.

Slowly, but surely, they were getting there. They were getting to a place of full commitment to their relationship, but Wooyoung had always stood by the saying that you can't be part of a couple if you aren't a whole person yourself, and until San became independent and completely free of all that was weighing him down before, the younger was aware that their relationship would be second priority.

But that was okay. It was more than okay, as long as San focused on himself and at the same time, didn't lose sight of the aheads and the beyonds.

He'd had not more than two really bad episodes after he'd joined therapy, which was a good thing, but to Wooyoung, even one would be one too many.

Once, he'd had an especially bad nightmare, and thankfully he'd been at Wooyoung's then, so the younger could calm him down just as he'd done before, not even having to wake San up like Mingi usually did.

Speaking of Mingi, the second bad episode had occured when Jongho, Mingi and San were at home, watching movies and munching on unhealthy snacks. A particularly harsh scene in the movie, depicting something akin to what San had experienced before, had triggered something in him, launching his brain into shock and giving him a panic attack.

Thankfully, Mingi knew how to deal with that, and once he'd tucked a still somewhat scared San into the sheets, he'd gotten Jongho to ring up Wooyoung, who'd rushed there as soon as he could, after his classes, and he'd held San as he finally managed to fall asleep, wrapped in the reassuring arms of his lover.

That was the last time anything like that happened, and in San's next appointment, he'd gotten a few medicines to take after he'd narrated the incident with the movie. It wasn't anything too major, just some sleeping tablets and stuff to temporarily get rid of the nightmares and shocks until he managed to do away with his fears.

That dose had finished a long time ago, and San had proudly called him the previous day, saying that he hadn't had a nightmare in nine days, the longest he'd gone without one since he'd moved in with Jongho and Yunho.

Long story short, San was getting better and Wooyoung was falling more and more in love with him everyday, and it was getting harder not to just push him on a bed and just have his way with him already, but unfortunately 'baby steps' prevented him from doing so.

Gosh, he wished he could just bend over and get San to fuck him breathless like he knew he could, but he couldn't let himself venture there yet. Not when they were still treading on glass, even though it was one that was slowly getting stronger by the day.

Wooyoung sighed, turning up the music as he let his body take over from his mind, sliding and spinning and rolling in waves as the first chorus came to a finish.

Hongjoong had really outdone himself this time.

They'd become something of a famed unit in KQ, Jongho, Hongjoong, Yunho and Wooyoung, where Hongjoong wrote and composed and Jongho sang and Wooyoung and Yunho weaved the notes to dance, seamlessly blending with the track as if it was made for it. It was fun, the life of a dancer, and it suited him. It allowed him to let go of the free spirit he had to rein in every so often, for in some cases his endless enthusiasm caused more harm than good. Oh, and the money was great, of course.

When he was dancing, he could be anything he wanted. He could be innocent, mature, confident, even sexy, and he lived for it. Lived for thrill of dancing. Lived for the thrill of just being _Wooyoung_ , no filter attached.

His face split into a wide grin when he thought of an idea for the next verse of 'Wave'.

Oh, this was going to be good.

*****

Wooyoung hummed absently as he opened the dor to his house and dropped his bag on the couch, shedding his shoes and the jacket draped over his shoulders as he sat down heavily on the couch, shaking his black hair from his face. His phone pinged and he saw a text from Seonghwa that asked whether he'd gotten home yet.

Seonghwa had been worrying about him way too much these days, as he'd been pushing himself more and more in the studio and had lost quite a few pounds in the process, slimming down until it was quite noticable that he'd lost the fat on his face and his thighs, replaced by hard muscle. The older had decided that since Wooyoung was working so hard, he'd make it a point to treat him with home-cooked meals whenever he went over.

In a way, Wooyoung mused, Seonghwa and Hongjoong had kind of taken a parental role in their not-so-little group of friends, with Seonghwa's endearingly annoying nagging and Hongjoong's constant life advice. He chuckled when he remembered the time that Jongho had actually called Seonghwa 'mom', and earned a light slap on his shoulder, which honestly, in Wooyoung's opinion, did nothing to dismiss the opinion, maybe even fuelling it further.

Wooyoung replied to the text in affirmation, with a smiley face for good measure, and sent a quick message to San asking him how his session that day had gone.

Not waiting for him to reply, Wooyoung pulled off his socks and grabbed the discarded jacket, going to throw both garments in the laundry tub.

After he had showered and was smelling fresh again- unlike the smell of sweat that had taken over after he'd been in the studio- he grabbed the kimchi and rice and the fridge and heated it up for himself for his dinner.

He checked his phone, shoving a spoonful of rice in his mouth, chopsticks laying untouched on his plate. A notification from San caught his eye instantly, fingers drifting to click on it and read the text that had come in.

San's reply made him smile as he shoved spoon after spoon into his mouth, taking little bites as he read the text.

San's session had apparently gone pretty well, with him talking a little about how he'd left his previous life, including the part where he'd had to knock out a rather rough client when he'd finally decided to stop being a sex worker. Apparently, said client hadn't even shown up looking for him later, probably because he was too drunk or to dazed to even remember what had transpired.

It wasn't a very long message, but the 'i love you, see you tomorrow?' at the end, with a cute little heart, made Wooyoung smile, eyes crinkling up as he returned the 'i love you' and said that yes, he would indeed be seeing him tomorrow.

They had planned a little something for the next day, as Wooyoung had been wanting to show San around his studio for a while and hadn't really got the chance, he'd asked San to come over the next day so he could take him to work and have him sit around and watch while Wooyoung was in his element. He was eagerly looking forward to it, as San hadn't really been introduced to that side of him yet.

He finished his food and washed the dishes he'd used, drying the bowl and stacking it with the others before washing his hands one last time.

He had one more thing to do, and then he would retire for the night. He grabbed his phone, licking his lips to get rid of a little sauce at the corner, and scrolled through his contacts, settling on one before pressing the call button.

A few rings later, a voice was heard, one he'd missed in quite a while, "Hi, Wooyoungie! How is my baby doing?" He smiled at the familiar, caring tone, which brought back memories of warm hugs and home-cooked meals.

"Hey, mom!"

***** 

Wooyoung smoothed down his jacket, grabbing his backpack and slinging it over his shoulder as he went to open the door, "Hey, ready to go?" He asked.

San smiled, leaning forward for a kiss, "Hmm," he hummed in affirmation, and they pulled away, linking their arms together naturally as they walked towards Yunho's car, as he'd be taking them to the studio since everyone was headed there anyway, and Wooyoung's car had been acting up a little. It was just as well, because Yunho didn't seem to mind the short detour so that he could pick up Wooyoung on his way over to the studio, and since San was living was him anyway, just brought him along.

The drive there was mostly silent, with San staring out the window and Wooyoung murmuring to Yunho in a low voice, something about their filming the next morning.

The familiar building came into view and the couple got out first so Yunho could park while Wooyoung got in and turned on the lights and sound systems.

He bit his lip nervously as he led San into the studio, hand gripping his wrist tightly as he dropped his bag in the corner and turned the lights on, "This-" he gestured to the empty room, "-is it! What do you think?"

San looked around at the professional looking studio in awe, nodding appreciatively at the sight around him, "Wow," he exclaimed, "This place is pretty great." Just as he was finishing that sentence, Yunho walked in, dropping his own bag beside Wooyoung's and moving to stand beside San.

"San-ah, have a seat," he prompted, gesturing to the mirrored wall, clearly meaning that he should sit with his back to it. San obliged, and Yunho clapped his hands together in glee as if he were addressing a child, "Okay, so we'll show you what we've been working on, and you tell us if you like it, hmm?"

He didn't wait for a reply, and went to where Wooyoung was stretching, joining him in stretching his limbs and torso and groaning when something cracked. It took only about ten minutes for them to finish stretching and then Wooyoung was shedding the hoodie from his shoulders, leaving on just the pale blue t shirt underneath.

Yunho fiddled with a few buttons and switches on the music system, plugging in the pendrive and stopping on 'Wave', Hongjoong's latest masterpiece that had also been recorded by Jongho, with Hongjoong filling in for the rap parts and backing vocals. Really, there was nothing the man couldn't do.

The familiar melody started playing, and Wooyoung's face broke into a smile as he began to move to the song, giving Yunho a quick high five, a little randomness they liked to add in their choreography. He met San's eyes as he went into a crouch, giving him an uncharacteristically confident wink and a grin before he abruptly turned to do the next move, not waiting for San's response.

The song was upbeat, perfect for dance, and Yunho and Wooyoung thoroughly enjoyed themselves as they moved to the beat. Yunho grinned as he faced the mirror, flashing a peace sign as the song went into the bridge.

Just as the last chorus was beginning, a loud screech was heard, and everything suddenly went dark. Despite it being early in the day, the studio had no outside light coming in, so the darkness was all the more pronounced.

_What._

Yunho and San let out matching squeals as Wooyoung asked, "What just happened?" while slowly getting up from the floor. Wooyoung accepted the phone San handed to him, using it for a flashlight as he tried to figure out what had gone wrong. It took only a minute or two before he understood the problem, "There's been a power outage," he sighed, "No option but to wait it out."

Yunho looked completely disgusted, "I'm stuck in here with a couple, with no electricity?" He rolled his eyes, "Bad time to be third wheeling."

Even in the dark, Wooyoung found it in him to chuckle, "Aw, come on. We've hung out before. It won't be any different, just...without the lights," he shrugged.

Yunho shoved him on the shoulder, and Wooyoung went down, sitting heavily on the wooden floor and turning to face his best friend, "Sit," he encouraged, patting the ground next to himself, which Yunho spotted because of the dim light of San's phone, and complied, sitting beside Wooyoung so the three of them were arranged ina sort of circle.

That was when Wooyoung registered how quiet San had been the whole time, "Sannie?" He asked gently, "Are you okay?"

When San's head was raised and wide, fear-laden eyes met Wooyoung's, he knew that something was amiss. Extremely so, "What's wrong?" He gasped, moving to pull San into his arms, but what he didn't expect was San's visible flinch, as if the touch burned him. He retracted his arms hesitantly, and felt Yunho's gaze boring holes into his back as he looked at San worriedly, "Sannie, baby?" He tried again, and still only received a further tensing of San's muscles in response.

Wooyoung shifted closer despite San's clear discomfort, "Okay, San you're scaring me," he said, "Can you tell me what's wrong?"

He vaguely registered Yunho gettin up and moving away, probably to give them some space, but he was surprised when the older returned with both his own and Wooyoung's phones in hand, turning on the flashlights to illuminate the room brighter, "Does this help?" Yunho asked, and San finally seemed to relax, looking up from where he'd been way too interested in the floor, and staring at Yunho.

Wooyoung watched, perplexed, as San nodded and shifted closer to the light, scooting a little further away from him in the process, "Wha- San, you're afraid of the dark?" It finally dawned on him, when he noticed San almost instinctively lean towards the brightest spot, keeping his locked on a now properly visible Yunho.

The older wrapped his own arms around himself, finally able to speak, "...yeah," he affirmed, "It's not as much the dark as it is not being able to see..." He ducked his head, still keeping in view of the flashlight from the phone, "I know it's dumb, I just-"

"It's not dumb," he interrupted softly, finally pulling San into his arms like he wanted to, the older leaning pliantly into his touch this time around, "I understand why you'd be scared," he reassured, smiling when Yunho came to sit next to the couple and shine the light directly on them, reflecting in the mirror and lighting up most of the room, "See? It's brighter now, right?"

San nodded, and Wooyoung's heart broke for him when he remembered what exactly San seemed to associate darkness with, "I'm sorry I'm like this," San apologised, and Wooyoung simply pulled him closer, thanking the heavens that this man was safe now, that he was okay and loved and he was * _safe_ *.

"Don't be," the voice was Yunho's, bright smile evident even in the dark when San finally managed a tiny grin, dimples appearing in his cheeks.

San had barely just calmed down, and Wooyoung was leaning forward, just about to press a kiss to his exposed nape, when a sort of thump was heard, causing all of them to jerk, before the steady thrum of the air conditioner was heard. It was a few seconds before the lights turned on as well, and the sound system beeped as it came to life. Yunho kept the phone flashlights on until all the lights in the room were on again, San slumping into Wooyoung's arms with a sigh as the darkness finally disappeared.

"Hey, you good?" Wooyoung asked, placing his index finger under San's chin to tilt his head up. San nodded, looking gratefully at him as his arms wrapped around Wooyoung's neck and pulled him closer, locking their lips together in a chaste but loving kiss.

"Thank you," San mumbled, and Wooyoung smiled, petting his hair before he got up to join Yunho who was fiddling around with the music again.

"San-ah?" Yunho called, and received a hum in response, "Jongho told me you sing?" He raised an eyebrow, impressed when San confirmed they statement, "He also said you helped him with Wave, so..." He spared Wooyoung a fleeting glace before his eyes shifted back to San, "Why don't you sing for us?" He suggested.

Wooyoung stared at him, "You helped with Wave?" His eyes brightened in realisation when San nodded wordlessly, "Sing for us then, Sannie. Wanna hear your pretty voice," he added for good measure.

San flushed at the praise, "But don't you guys have to...work or something?"

Yunho rolled his eyes, seating himself down in front of San, "This is work, you moron. So you are going to sing for us now, okay?"

San shrugged, "Okay then, uh... You want me to sing Wave?"

Yunho poked his shoulder, "Today would be good," he prompted when San was silent for a few long seconds.

San visibly inhaled, and opened his mouth on the exhale, clapping his hands to the best as he began to sing. The familiar lyrics flowed out of him, blending perfectly with his rich voice.

Wooyoung smiled, proud that he could call San his, and absent-mindedly began moving to the choreography, San's hands clapping the whole time. Soon enough,Yunho joined him, and the two of them were grinning happily as San sang for them, smile apparent on his face as well.

"거친 파도를 넘어," He sang, and just as he was going to pause for the rap part, letting the beats flow as Wooyoung and Yunho simply danced, a clicking sound was heard and the door opened, revealing an unfamiliar face to San, but one that both Yunho and Wooyoung knew very well.

"Oh! PD-nim," Yunho gestured for San to stand, and he did, hanging behind the two dancers as they bowed and said their greeting.

The PD smiled, "Nice to see you two working hard here... And who's this...? He gestured to San, who was standing awkwardly behind the two, and was dragged forward by Yunho, ending up right in front of the older man.

"PD-nim, this is Choi San, my..." Wooyoung trailed off, wondering what he should say. He wasn't sure if 'not-exactly-boyfriend-but-lover' would be the best thing to say to his boss, but Yunho beat him to it.

"He's Wooyoung's boyfriend!" He piped up, and Wooyoung mentally facepalmed at how brazen his friend was. He just hoped that comment didn't cost him his job, or even a little of the respect he'd worked so hard to earn at KQ.

The PD raised an eyebrow, "Oh, I see..."he said cryptically, and Wooyoung wondered what he meant by that, but was honestly a little scared to ask, so he didn't bother running his mouth further, instead acting as demure as he could.

San nervously stayed silent, eyes widening a little at the 'boyfriend' comment, but he didn't say anything, probably too nervous to do any such thing.

"And was this... _Choi San_ the one singing when I came in here?" The name was said with a certain amount of hostility, but Wooyoung supposed that had to come from seeing your employee's 'boyfriend' hanging out in your studio. Shit, why did Yunho have to go and blurt something like that? If this turned ugly, he'd be to blame.

Yunho answered, "Yes, sir. He knows the song we're working on, so we asked him to sing."

"Hmm," he considered, and then turned, directly addressing San, "San-ssi, have you received prior music training?"

San gaped at him, but answered anyway, stuttering his way through nervously, "Um- yes sir, I- I leant music for fourteen years," he clarified.

The impressed tilt of the PD's eyebrow didn't go unnoticed by any of them, "Fourteen years? And how about now?"

“Oh, uh...not anymore sir, I stopped when I was eighteen, so it's been a few years," he mumbled, looking down to escape the man's piercing eyes.

"Well, what I heard just now didn't seem that way, you seem to have kept in practise, am I right?" When San nodded, he smiled, a rare, bright one, "So, if I asked you if you were free tomorrow morning to meet with us at the KQ building, what would you say? Assuming you are unemployed or in need of a good job, that is," he added after a moment of thought, although it seemed pretty obvious that he was, considering what he was doing at one in the afternoon on a Thursday. He was either unemployed or just skipping work, and it wasn't to difficult to guess which.

San's eyes widened, and he forgot his manners for a second when he cried, " _Seriously?!_ " He hurriedly corrected himself, shaking his head as he repeated, "Do you really mean that, PD-nim?" In a more polite tone.

San's shock seemed to amuse him, and he cracked a smile as he nodded firmly, "Your voice is....made for singing. I see a lot of talent. We need someone for vocal guide recordings, and I think you might just be the one," he placed a hand on a stunned San's shoulder, whose mouth had been hanging open since the 'made for singing' comment, "But of course, we will need to do a proper interview and audition first, is that alright?"

San nodded dumbly, jaw finally snapping shut, but his eyes were still wide with disbelief, "Ye- yes, I- of course, sir," he bowed.

Wooyoung almost cried tears of joy when he heard the producer's offer. San? A singer at KQ? Gosh, life probably couldn't get any better, could it? 

He couldn't wipe the proud grin off his face, Yunho sporting a similar expression, as the PD began exchanging the usual pleasantries with the two dancers, before telling them about their next paycheck and other details about new trainees that might be joining soon. 

Wooyoung was barely listening, too busy trying to wrap his head around what had just happened.

He remembered when he'd been wistfully wondering several months ago if San would ever get a chance like Hongjoong, if he would ever realise his dream, but now....now it might actually happen!

They bid goodbye to the man as he left with a smile, after shaking hands with all of them.

Yunho squealed the moment he left, grabbing Wooyoung and San and crushing them together in his long arms, "Oh my _god!_ " He laughed breathlessly, and Wooyoung heartily joined in, pulling San closer as he buried his face in Yunho's neck.

Things were finally looking up.

San was better, much better, and now he was looking towards a light. Finally, finally the brown gave way to silver, because of course everything has a silver lining.

Wooyoung smiled, hiding his face in Yunho's broad shoulder.

 _I love you, San,_ his mind whispered, _I love you so much._

San smiled too, and Wooyoung felt his heart erupt in flowers, petals decorating every fibre of his being at the sight of his little dimples appearing, indenting his cheeks as he grinned. His eyes disappeared, forming little crescent moons, and that was when Wooyoung decided.

_This man is my world._

"San," he exhaled, pulling away from the mess of limbs and dragging San out with him, "Sannie..."

"Yeah?"

"I'm so proud of you," they shared a chaste kiss, barely a brush of their lips because there was still someone else in the room, and pulled away smiling, "I'm so, so proud."

San smiled, pulling Wooyoung to embrace him with a hand on the back of his head, "Thank you," he whispered, so Yunho couldn't hear, "I owe everything to you, Young-ah."

_You don't know this, San. But me too._

_I owe everything to you too._

*****

"Well, Choi San-ssi, your quite...lacking resume surprised me, that's for sure," the CEO said, "but I think you have a pretty good chance, despite not much professional background, you have received several years of training, which says something, and Choi Jongho, one of our best, seems to think that you are indeed perfect for this job."

San beamed at the comment, "Thank you sir."

"You understand that if you get this, it will be your full-time work, and being employed at KQ is no cakewalk, so I hope that if you do get the job, you can cooperate well with us," he said.

"Of course, sir. It will be my topmost priority," he confirmed.

"And about your relationship with Jung Wooyoung..." San blushed furiously. He should've known that this would happen. "It is not my place to interfere with your personal affairs, but in case you are hired here as a vocal assistant, you will not be allowed to showcase your relationship inside these walls, is that clear? We do not tolerate such...public displays," he said firmly.

San had expected as much, but honestly, he wouldn't mind it as long as they didn't completely condemn the idea of two men being together and even working at the same company. As long as he and Wooyoung could keep loving each other freely, he didn't mind hiding it a little just at their workplace, "I understand, sajangnim."

"Good. We will give you a call within a week, to let you know the outcome," he assured, and gave San a smile, which the younger returned, bowing politely.

"You may leave, San-ssi," he permitted, and San thanked him one last time before getting up from his seat opposite him and leaving the room, heaving a sigh of relief once he was outside.

He met Wooyoung's nervous eyes, the younger seated in the lobby, fidgeting as he waited for San to emerge. The moment he did, Wooyoung was rising, meeting him with a quick side hug, "How'd it go?"

San nodded, trying to get his hopes up too much, but he couldn't deny the truth either, "They said I have a pretty good chance, Wooyoungie. _Me_ ," he emphasised, as if he didn't believe that he was capable of such things, and Wooyoung frowned at his lack of belief in himself.

But he couldn't deny his happiness at San's words, and even though every part of him was screaming to just jump San's bones and make love to him right then and there, he definitely couldn't, instead choosing to just give San a bright grin, longish black hair flopping around his face, "That's great, Sannie! Anything else?"

"They said I'd get a call within a week and they'd let me know the outcome of the interview then," he narrated, and Wooyoung nodded in understanding. "I've decided not to get my hopes up, though, because having them crushed after all of this build up would be terrible, so for now, I'm pretending like I have no chance to work there, so that no matter what, I'll be mentally prepared, you know?"

Wooyoung chuckled fondly at San's cute reason, "That's nice," he said, pulling San behind him as they left the place, getting into Wooyoung's car as he'd be dropping San at home and then going to his own place after spending some time at the studio.

San buckled in, tapping an imaginary beat on hsi own thighs nervously, "Gosh, I don't even think I'll be able to sleep till I get that call, I'm too nervous," he said, and Wooyoung took his hand with his free one, the other still on the wheel.

"You'll be fine, Sannie. Just relax, yeah?"

San inhaled, "...yeah," he exhaled.

Yeah. Everything would be fine. Great, even.

Wooyoung allowed himself to smile, stealing a glance at San who was still worrying his bottom lip nervously.

He'd be fine.

They'd both be.

*****  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooooo, what'd you think of that chapter? Let me know in the comments! I'm just as glad as all of you guys that Sannie is doing better, wahhh :):):):):):) 
> 
> Also, y'all heard about ATEEZ comeback in July? I'm so pumped for that, gosh. 
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you thought of this chapter in the comments, and subscribe to keep following this story! Check out my other fics as well if you have the time!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god oh my god oh my god this is the last actual chapter I'm screaming eotteokhae  
> 😭😭😭 I'm so in love with writing this and it's almost done and I- ouch. 
> 
> Ummm....I love you guys so much, istg y'all keep me going with those amazing comments and to get over 9k hits?! Ah, I'm screaming🤭🤭 
> 
> So um anyway, I'm not putting warnings here because if you've read this far, then you are no stranger to this so...just keep reading!! 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments section!! 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

It had been five days.

Five days since San had had his interview with KQ, and he hadn't heard back since then. Of course, they did say they'd call him in a week, so obviously he still had time. Wooyoung was ever the optimist, and San...well, San just didn't believe in himself enough.

Wooyoung's hand tightened on the wheel as he pressed his foot down on the break at a red light.

They'd gone out on a dinner date to some restaurant Wooyoung's dad used to take him to when their family came to Seoul as a kid. It brought back memories, and it was a great place for a romantic date, with mood lighting and little tables for two.

They'd had a pretty good time, and Wooyoung had decided to drive San home after, which is what was happening right then.

"Wooyoung?" San drummed his fingers on the dashboard nervously, "What if they don't want me?" He mused.

Wooyoung sighed,eyes plastered to the road, "I'm not going to disagree, San, there always is a possibility of that, but you were recognised for a reason. You're talented, extremely talented, and if they don't see that, then it's their loss."

San smiled, "How do you always know just the right thing to say?"

"Maybe it's because I love you," Wooyoung shrugged.

San snickered, "Who's the flirt now?"

Wooyoung spared him a side glance, shaking his hair from his eyes, "Still you, Sannie. You're still the incorrigible flirt who tries to get my attention at the worst possible times," he countered. Wooyoung felt the weight of San's gaze on his face, and had the urge to physically turn him around, but of course he didn't do anything of the sort, "Stop staring at me," he said instead.

"But you're so pretty, how could I not?"

Wooyoung rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling a little, betraying that he was just being playful, "See, this is what mean by 'incorrigible flirt'," he quipped.

San's laugh filled the air, and Wooyoung grinned in response, as they reveled in the comfortable silence for a few moments.

Then Wooyoung felt a hand on his thigh, and suddenly he wasn't so playful anymore, "San," he warned. The hand slid up some more, grip tightening, making Wooyoung's blood rush to all the right places at the wrong time, "Not now," he tried again.

It didn't work. San just continued running the hand up and down Wooyoung's thigh, just shy of forbidden territory, "Why not now?"

Wooyoung had to force himself not to turn away from the road, "Because we're in my car and I'm driving you home and don't you dare make me get hard and leave me to drive myself home like that," he reasoned, but there was an underlying tone of something else in it anyway, one that no one but San could have picked up.

Sure enough, "Then let's go to your place."

Wooyoung smirked, turning to face San for just a second before turning away again, "Thought you'd never ask."

This was too easy.

They hadn't been together in that way since they'd started this relationship, but it wasn't like there was no tension, of course not. Wooyoung still blushed, thinking of the way San touched him whenever their kisses got a little too heated, and Wooyoung's hands running down San's back but never going beyond that was still a form of torture. They'd just...not had the chance to venture beyond anything more than a heavy makeout session, the furthest they'd gotten being the time they'd ended up with their shirts off, but Mingi had promptly walked into them right then, successfully killing the mood, so they couldn't get any further.

It had been building up for a while, and the thought that this was happening now sent a shiver of anticipation through him, as San's hand gripped just a little tighter, just a little firmer, intentions clear, and Wooyoung bit his lip to hold back a breathy sound when his hand inched closer to the junction between his thighs, "At least wait till we get home, won't you?" Wooyoung said, but San made no move to extract his hand. Wooyoung sighed in defeat, turning left to change direction and go towards his place.

Where San would be staying the night. With him.

_Oh my god._

His hand tightened on the wheel as he turned, switching lanes and driving down the familiar streets.

The rest of the drive was spent in silence, with Wooyoung overthinking absolutely everything and San's hand quietly inching closer and closer, grip tightening as he massaged him through his fancy dress pants. 

Wooyoung parked hurriedly when they reached home, getting out of the car and fumbling for the keys as he locked it. He'd barely turned around when San was already in front of him, pushing him against the closed door of his car and leaning over him, "Hey," he rasped, and Wooyoung shivered, flushing at the sudden closeness.

"Can we take this inside?" Wooyoung strained out, mind numbing at the sight of San's dark gaze trained on him, face illuminated by the street lamps and fun moonlight.

San didn't respond, leaning toward to capture his lips with his, tasting faintly of lip balm as Wooyoung's eyes fluttered shut and he lost sense of the world around them, melting into it as San's arms caged him in and his lips kissed his own gently.

Wooyoung lost himself for a second, turning into mush in San's strong arms as they kissed innocently, never going beyond just a simple press of their lips together. Wooyoung sighed, hands raising up to wrap themselves around San's neck as he tilted his head a little and leaned into the kiss, reciprocating actively.

San pulled away with no warning, and Wooyoung dazedly stared after him as he pried the house key from his limp hand and opened the front door, walking in like it was his own home, turning the lights on as he went. Wooyoung breathed heavily in the cool night air, leaning back against the car door as he allowed his eyes to fall shut again.

Good god, if a simple kiss from San managed to get him this worked up, how would he even survive through the night?

Wooyoung took in one last deep breath before following San inside, shutting the door behind him as he made his way to the bedroom where he knew San would be.

Sure enough, San was simply seated on the bed, carrying way too much sex appeal for someone who was just scrolling through their phone. He suddenly recalled thinking that exact same thought the first time they'd met, and he chuckled, drawing San's ateention to him, "What?" He asked, and Wooyoung simply shook his head, walking closer to take his phone and wallet out of his pocket and place them on the desk, before walking towards San.

The older looked up from his phone, "I told Mingi I wouldn't be home tonight," he said, reaching backwards and placing his phone on the nightstand, "He said okay."

Wooyoung smiled and nodded, shrugging his jacket off his shoulders and dropping it on the floor. Their other clothes would be joining it anyway, he wasn't going to bother to put it away neatly.

San patted the bed next to him invitingly, and Wooyoung smiled, getting onto the mattress and sitting cross-legged in front of San, "You sure you want to do this?" he didn't really want to ask, but he still had to be sure.

He was tugged forward by the collar of his shirt and San's lips were on his before he could say anything else, not that he was complaining, "Yeah," San mumbled into his mouth, "I want you so bad," he confessed.

Wooyoung felt a rush of heat travel through him at the admission, and he pushed San to lie back with firm hands on his chest, their lips not breaking contact the whole time. He lay on top of the older, lips molding together in messy, close-mouthed kisses, but not for long. His hands planted on the sides of San's head as he leaned further into him, the latter's arms moving to wrap around his waist as he finally deepened the kiss.

Wooyoung's mouth was nudged open, and his elbows fell onto the mattress as he moved closer to San, so that they were chest-to-chest. He pulled away for air, licking his own swollen lips as he panted, and then San was pulling him down again, connecting their lips in a passionate kiss, causing Wooyoung to sigh deeply into his mouth.

Their hands wandered, mapping the planes of each other's toned bodies, San's dipping just below the waistband of Wooyoung's black pants while Wooyoung focussed on the kiss.

The younger pulled away, whining when San's hands dipped just a little lower before pulling away altogether, moving up to rest on his clothed back. He bent his head, lips aligning with San's jaw as he placed a kiss there, one on either of his cheeks, and then on his left ear, breath wafting over his earlobe, "Let me mark you up?"

San shut his eyes when Wooyoung kissed his lobe again, "God, yes," he groaned, and that was as much of an affirmation as Wooyoung could possibly get.

Wooyoung smiled against San's ear, pressing his lips to the piercing there one last time before moving, latching his lips onto a spot right behind his ear where he knew it was sensitive, and sucked gently. San responded eagerly, one hand moving to the back of Wooyoung's head as he let out a breathy moan.

Wooyoung smirked in triumph when he leaned back to admire the red mark blooming on San's skin, on a spot that would be impossible to cover. 

They were both dressed pretty fancy as they'd gone out, but at the moment San's (actually Wooyoung's) dress shirt was more of a hassle then anything else, and Wooyoung made quick work of it while still kissing San wherever his skin was exposed. The freckles that lined his cheeks, his cute button nose, his shut eyelids, his temple, and when Wooyoung kissed his lips agan, the shirt was peeled off, revealing his flushed neck and toned torso.

He pulled back a little and brought his hands to his own neck as well, unbuttoning his own shirt before taking it out from where it was tucked into his pants and chucking it somewhere behind him, as it received the same fate as San's discarded shirt.

He couldn't wait for longer, and proceeded to give San a large bruise to match the one behind his ear, this time low on his collarbone. Wooyoung's hands wandered, running across San's exposed skin and eliciting a hiss when his fingers brushed over taut nipples.

He flushed at the idea that he was making San feel this way, that he was making San moan for him, and whine for him, tensing up as Wooyoung teased him with little kisses and soft brushes of his hands. He'd never thought he could be the one on top, doing this to someone else, but with San it felt like he wouldn't rather be doing anything else, completely at ease despite the hitch in his breath and the fast pace of his heart due to arousal.

With San, it was _easy_. Easy to let go of his inhibitions and give in to feeling, abandoning all reason as he turned to jelly in his embrace, heart palpitating in his chest every time the older so much as smiled at him.

He kissed San's lips again, and again, and again, each one meaning something different; _I want you... I need you... You make me feel so good... There's no one like you... I love you._

"Tight," San groaned, and Wooyoung only realised what he meant when he shifted a little and felt their clothed erections brushed against each other, making him realise just how tight his pants had become.

"Yeah," he breathed, "I've got you." He kissed San's lips again, hands moving to undo his belt buckle and pull off the offending garment, chucking it on the floor somewhere before undoing San's pants and pulling down the zipper, followed by completely stripping them off his legs and throwing them behind him. San's boxers disappeared next, and then he was completely naked under him, length hard as it twitched under Wooyoung's heady gaze.

The younger leaned forward to whisper in San's ear, "Better?"

"Yeah," San leaned up for another kiss,and Wooyoung gave in easily, without stripping completely just yet.

His still clothed length protested, but he wanted tonight to be about San, so he ignored himself in favour of giving San bruises to remember, ones that he would want, and not non-consensual, forced marks on his skin that became nothing but a cruel reminder of what he'd gone through. Now, Wooyoung would make sure San remembered the feeling of his lips gliding across smooth skin, sucking and biting as he left lovebites on him, proving that yes, he was indeed taken and no one could love him like Wooyoung did. He would make sure San remembered every second of this night.

San's moan when Wooyoung's finger grazed his nipple snapped him out of his thoughts, and the younger did it again, flicking the bud between his thumb and forefinger as San let out a pathetic noise in response. He gave the other one similar treatment, San arching up against him with a sharp inhale.

Wooyoung smiled, "What do you want me to do?" He asked.

San placed both hands on Wooyoung's cheeks, pulling him forward to connect their lips, "Touch me," he breathed into Wooyoung's mouth. Although he'd asked for it, he was unprepared for Wooyoung's fist to envelop his hard cock with no warning, and he gasped, throwing his head back at the contact and automatically pulling away from the kiss, a trail of saliva between them snapping when Wooyoung moved his head a little farther away.

The younger tightened his grip just a little, pumping his hand up and down as San's length hardened further in his grip, growing to full size until the head was flushed pink and glistening with precome. His mouth watered at the sight, and he wanted nothing more than to just bend down and suck on San's length like a starved creature, but he knew he probably couldn't last that long- unlike San, who had way more experience- and coming too soon, while still tucked in his pants, would be a nightmare.

San's eyes were shut, mouth half open and head tilted back as Wooyoung worked his cock in his hand, technique amateur, but San seemed to be having the time of his life, little pants and moans leaving his mouth everytime Wooyoung did something right.

He leaned down, trailing little butterfly kisses across San's shoulders and neck, revelling in the sounds the older made when his hand increased its pace, jerking him off hard and fast.

The younger balanced on his free forearm, cock aching in his pants as he slowed his movements, much to San's indignation, "Why'd you slow down?" He whined, and Wooyoung shushed him softly before stopping his movements altogether. San let out a small, desperate noise and rutted his hips up into nothing, " _Wooyoung,_ " he cried at the loss when the younger's weight left him.

Wooyoung kissed his neck in apology as he got off the bed and made quick work of his pants and underwear, impressed that San hadn't even tried to touch himself the whole time, simply whining for Wooyoung to come back.

He was crawling on top of San soon enough, this time completely naked, "Sannie?" He asked, sitting on his lap, and San looked up at him questioningly, "What should- uh..." He wondered how to word it, "How do you want me?" He settled on asking.

San's hands moved to his thin waist as he answered, "Just stay on top," he licked his lips, eyes running up and down the dancer's frame, "If you get tired we'll switch," he promised, and when Wooyoung didn't meet his eyes, "Is that okay?" He asked.

Wooyoung bit his already swollen bottom lip nervously, "It's just- I've never done that before, and what if I'm not any good?" He wondered, and was perplexed at the chuckle that San gave him.

"Trust me, you'll be fine," San assured, moving his hands to his hips. A teasing finger gliding over Wooyoung's erect shaft had him mewling, and San marvelled at how sensitive he was. It worked enough to take his mind off the nervousness, though, and Wooyoung moaned when San teased his weeping head with his thumb, cheeks flushed pink from exertion.

"Where do you keep...?" San trailed off, and Wooyoung just reached over him, cock trapped between his and San's stomach as he opened a drawer, grabbing a bottle of lube and a condom packet, handing both the items to San as he closed the drawer and pulled back.

San licked his lips when Wooyoung pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss to his throat before moving up, the simple gesture setting every one of his nerve-endings on fire.

"Up," San instructed, tapping Wooyoung's bottom with one hand, as the other, now covered with lube, reached forward to prep him.

The younger obediently raised himself a little so San could reach properly, shifting himself forward to make access easier as a lubed finger trailed his rim, sending a shiver through him, "Sannie," he breathed.

The older smiled, pulling him down for a kiss with his free hand as one finger slid into him all the way to the knuckle, slide easy with the amount of lube he'd used. Wooyoung reacted wantonly, gasping into San's mouth as the finger began moving inside of him. Their mouths pressed together messily, barely enough to qualify as a kiss as their tongues met, hot and wet.

It didn't take long before San was adding another finger in him, Wooyoung unconsciously rutting his hips back against the long fingers as he moaned at the sensation of being stretched and full. His cock was trapped between their bodies, aching for attention, but it was given none, as both of Wooyoung's hands were occupied in trying to hold himself up while San prepped him. He leaned back, placing his hands behind him on the bed so he could grind down onto San's fingers, mouth falling open in a soundless moan when San found his sweet spot.

"San- _ah-_ " he gasped, cutting himself off as a high-pitched whine escaped his lips, when San curled his fingers into Wooyoung's prostate harshly. Just when he was relaxing at the feeling of two fingers up his ass, a third wormed its way in, joining the other two as they brushed up against the sensitive gland on every other thrust, reducing him to a whining mess above San.

Just when he was beginning to feel the pressure of orgasm build up in him, San's fingers were leaving him, pulling out as he wiped his hand off on the sheets and placed it on Wooyoung's hip as the younger whined in protest.

"Shhh," San breathed, running his hand up and down Wooyoung's side, "You're so pretty, my Wooyoungie," he praised, causing the younger to flush in embarrassment, "So pretty for me."

Wooyoung gasped when San's pointer finger rubbed against his stretched hole, already sensitive. His cock weeped precome onto his own stomach and his cheeks burned at the feeling.

San's hands firmly gripping his hips brought him back to down to earth, "Come on, Wooyoung-ah," he encouraged.

The younger realised what he meant and nodded, eyes fluttering shut as he lined himself up with San's hard length, which was already covered by a condom that he wasn't sure when San slid on.

He inhaled as he eased himself down slowly, wincing when San bottomed out, "Ouch," he breathed.

San moved both hands to Wooyoung's neck, reaching up pull him on top of him for a kiss to distract him from the pain of being stretched. Wooyoung groaned when the movement only caused him to press deeper, San's length fully sheathed inside him.

He swivelled his hips experimentally, and San broke the kiss with a moan at the feeling, "That's it," he rasped, voice low, "Just like that, keep going."

Wooyoung repeated the action, and found himself whining when San reached even deeper inside him. His ass made contact with the tops of San's muscular thighs, and his hands braced themselves onto San's chest for support as he began rocking downwards, setting a slow rhythm.

He fucked himself on San's cock, pressing down harder with every thrust, and soon enough, San's length was pressing against prostate, making him whine something pathetic and chase the feeling, grinding down against him. At this point, Wooyoung was just working on instinct, barely thinking about technique, but he couldn't care less, not when San's hands were gripping at him so right and he was so deep in him and Wooyoung was so, so full, feeling like he would burst at any moment.

He threw head back as he rode San, pace still too slow for anything more than a harsh grind. He kept going like that for what felt like too long until his glutes and thighs were protesting from the effort. Curse him for having danced so hard that morning.

He still refused to let up though, and breathed unevenly, groans leaving his mouth when he felt San's hands spread his cheeks a little to reach better, thumb running over the place they were joined making Wooyoung see stars as he mewled helplessly.

"You're so beautiful, Wooyoung," the younger barely registered the words between his own loud pants and little whines, "You're so good for me. Look at you, fucking yourself like this, it's the prettiest thing I've ever seen," San said, one hand brushing sweaty black locks from Wooyoung's unfocussed eyes.

Wooyoung winced in pain when he felt his thighs begin to cramp, and San was quick to notice his discomfort, gripping his hips as he forced him to stop, "What wrong?" He asked, and Wooyoung cried out desperately, trying to grind down on San again but to no avail.

He had no choice but to answer, "Leg...cramping," he strained out, and San nodded.

"Okay, you want me to take over?" He offered, and Wooyoung smiled at his gentle tone, leaning down to peck him on the lips despite the pain in his leg worsening a little. It was worth it.

"Yes, please," he mumbled, voice raspy from use, and then he was being flipped over, San's hands gripping his hips hard enough to bruise as he was pushed into the mattress, head falling back onto the pillow. He had managed to stay sheathed inside Wooyoung the whole time, and wasted barely a second before leaning down to kiss Wooyoung roughly, hips thrusting forward as he did so.

Wooyoung _keened,_ sensitive hole clenching around San as the older took control, fucking into him hard. He set a faster pace than before, and Wooyoung spread his legs wider, hands grabbing at San's broad back and nails raking across his skin as he lay pliant for San to use him as he liked.

Wooyoung wrapped one of his legs around San's hips, foot pressing into his glutes as the bed shook from the force of his thrusts, "San, _San_ -" Wooyoung gasped, past the edge of coherent as he felt his orgasm approach rapidly. His hand went to his own leaking cock to stroke himself, but San was swatting it out of the way, learning forward to whisper in his ear.

"You come untouched or you don't come at all, is that clear?" His voice was commanding, leaving no room for protest but Wooyoung didn't even care anymore, nodding as he lifted his hips a little higher to meet San's harsh thrusts, length pressing into his prostate causing his eyes to roll back in his head.

Wooyoung's hands tugged at San's hair, running over his scalp and causing him to hiss while the other hand raked blunt nails down his back, definitely scratching him. His voice was high, strained whines leaving him with every thrust as San grunted into his ear that he was close.

"Me too," he breathed, pulling San down for a messy kiss, all teeth and tongue, "I'm- _ah_ -"

Unsurprisingly, Wooyoung reached the edge first, toppling over at a particularly harsh thrust right against his prostate, tugging at San's hair desperately as he let out a half-moan, half-scream of his name, hole tightening around San's dick. His vision went white, and his dick throbbed with senstivity as he released, cum coating his own stomach in an orgasm more intense than anything he'd ever experienced in his life.

He felt tears leak from his eyes at the oversensitivity when San kept thrusting into him even after his orgasm, chasing his own release as he let out breathy groans into Wooyoung's ear.

He finally let go as well, coming inside the condom as he rode out his high inside Wooyoung, the latter almost sobbing from the shudders racking his body as he lost his surroundings for a second.

San moaned his name loudly, and Wooyoung was struck by just how hot his boyfriend really was when he pulled Wooyoung into one last bruising kiss, biting at the beauty spot on his bottom lip before letting it go, collapsing on top of him, all sweaty and naked. Wooyoung didn't even mind the dead weight, blinking sluggishly as he tried to stay awake.

Wooyoung felt San's heavy breath graze his cheek and ear as the older came down from his high, joining him in his state of utter bliss, "That was-" San panted, "-amazing."

Wooyoung let out a breathless laugh, cradling San's head in his neck as he agreed, "It was."

They stayed silent for a few moments, San's weight beginning to annoy him, and Wooyoung finally spoke, "Oi, get off me," he said, "You're heavy, and you're still inside me."

San sighed dejectedly, "Do I have to? What if we just sleep like this?"

Wooyoung looked at him, aghast, "I am not going to sleep with your dick inside me, San. I have to shower," he reasoned.

San chuckled, "Yeah, I know, I know. You're just comfortable," he said, but moved anyway, lifting up a little and pulling his soft dick out of Wooyoung. The younger gasped at the feeling, hands flying to grip San's biceps, "Gosh, you're so sensitive," San marvelled, "It's really sexy."

Wooyoung blushed, unsure of what to say to such comments when they weren't in the middle of sex. Now that he'd come down from his high, San's words made him blush furiously and avoid his eyes, tiny smile appearing on his face.

San chuckled at his bashful reaction, and kissed him cutely on the tip of his nose before getting off him. Wooyoung didn't want to admit it, but he missed the reassuring weight at once, "I can't move," he groaned into his forearm as it came to rest over his eyes.

San's laugh was music to his ears, "I'm not even sorry, that was worth it," he called from the bathroom teasingly.

He reappeared, and Wooyoung was alerted of his presence only when he felt a cool towel wipe him down, getting rid of the drying fluids on his stomach and thighs. He sighed, loving the way San was spoiling him, "I'm tired and I don't wanna move but I need a shower," he said, and San moved the arm off his eyes to look at him.

"Yes you do," he agreed, and Wooyoung squeaked in surprise when suddenly there were hands under his knees and back and he was being picked from the bed and into San's arms. He scrambled to hold on quickly, arms latching around San's neck. "Oh my god, San! Give a guy a warning, would you?"

San simply chuckled, leaning down to rub their noses together in a cute sort of eskimo kiss, "You wanted a shower and didn't want to move, so," he said as it it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Wooyoung could only smile as he let himself be babied by San. He got princess-carried into the shower and then put on the ground, San turning on the water and checking the temperature before pulling Wooyoung in with him.

The younger wobbled on his legs and San caught him just in time before his knees buckled, and pushed him gently to lean with his front on the wall for support.

Wooyoung sighed, melting as he felt San massage his shoulders, pushing the side of his face against the shower wall, "You're so good at this," he said on an exhale. He felt San's chest rise and fall against his naked back, the water pouring down both of their tired bodies.

San's massage seemed to get progressively better, and Wooyoung turned to mush as he moaned and breathed out praises. Then San's hand trailed forward, down his chest to flick a nipple with his finger and Wooyoung was whimpering, "Wh- what are you doing?" He asked, and moaned on the last syllable when San's lips began trailing along the back of his shoulder.

"Ever been rimmed before?" San's words were low, making him shiver. He gulped, shaking his head as San dropped to his knees behind him, "Let me show you how good I can make you feel," he said, kneading Wooyoung's cheeks with his hands.

"But we just-" Wooyoung's words betrayed his actions as he arched into him.

"Shh," San mumbled against the dimples at the small of his back, "I think you can take it, right?"

Wooyoung whimpered when San spread him apart, lips kissing around his most intimate place, "San-" he breathed, "Please."

"That's what I thought."

*****

Waking up with Choi San in your arms had to be the best feeling in the world.

Wooyoung smiled, burying his nose in San's hair as he took in the scent of his own shampoo in the older's hair.

After their little...escapade in the shower, they'd taken to actually cleaning themselves, washing each other's hair and bodies before towelling themselves dry and getting back to bed. Wooyoung and San had both slipped on old, big t shirts of Wooyoung's before crawling into bed and falling asleep with a small light on due to San's fear of being blindfolded, by the dark or otherwise.

He sighed in happiness when he remembered once again that San was far, far away from that life now. He didn't have to sell his own body for money, he didn't have to struggle with his past trauma all by himself, he didn't have no one to look to when he was feeling down.

Wooyoung would remind him of it everyday of his life if he had to, just to make sure San believed in himself and knew how amazing he actually was.

"I love you," he whispered into San's hair, even though he knew he couldn't hear it.

The smile was brought back to his face when he remembered the previous night, the way they had...connected. He couldn't believe there was someone so perfect for him in the world, someone who knew what he needed without him even having to say it out loud. Someone who would break him to pieces and put him back together in a single night, making him feel like no one had ever made him feel before.

San was the crazy he'd been missing, he realised.

He was the one Wooyoung had been missing in his life. _San_ took him on cute dates and kissed his cheek innocently. _San_ did adorable little cliches with him, whether it was watching the stars with him from Yunho's roof or surprising him with dinner at his place. _San_ was the one who made him flustered so easily, butterflies in his stomach fluttering when he remembered the way he'd treated Wooyoung in bed, like he would never let go of him.

Most of all, San had taught him to be thankful.

Thankful for the life he was so fortunate to have, unlike so many others. Thankful that he'd met the one he could trust with his whole life. Thankful that he'd fallen in love with him. Even thankful that he'd hurt him, because at the end of it all, it had brought them back to each other, and as long as they were together, nothing else really mattered.

The loud ringing of San's phone snapped him out of his head, and it seemed to have woken San up as well, as the latter blinked his cat-like eyes open slowly and yawned, reaching behind him to grab the phone and answer it without looking to see who it was, "Hello?" His gravelly morning voice was the cutest thing ever, Wooyoung thought.

San suddenly sat upright, seeming to have been jerked awake by whoever it was on the other line. Wooyoung pouted at the loss of his warmth and sat up too, wrapping himself around San and placing little butterfly kisses on his exposed neck as his shirt slid off one shoulder.

Wooyoung looked up curiously when San's hand flew to his mouth, eyes widening in shock, "Yes, uh- yes...thank you so much," he gushed, before the phone was hung up and he turned to face Wooyoung, an expression of awe and disbelief marked on his clear face.

"What?" Wooyoung asked.

"Oh my god, Wooyoung, I-" San grabbed him and pulled him closer, wrapping both arms firmly around him in a tight hug. He leaned forward to speak in Wooyoung's ear, the words mumbled softly, contrasting with the hug that seemed to be draining the oxygen from his lungs, considering how tight he was being held, "I got the job."

_I got the job._

The words echoed in the room for a second before Wooyoung registered what he was being told, pulling back to stare at San with wide eyes, "You- you did?"

San nodded, grin splitting his cheeks as his dimples bore into his cheeks and his eyes disappeared, "I got the job," he repeated, "They want me to start next Monday as a vocal assistant."

Wooyoung smiled, tears of joy springing to his eyes as he surged forward to kiss San on the lips, the older kissing him back without protest, "Oh my god, I love you, Choi San," he whispered into San's mouth, palms cupping his face as he cried in happiness, "I love you so much."

San pulled away from his lips, softly kissing the mole under his eye in the most loving gesture Wooyoung had ever seen. He smiled, happily, widely, and still in shock as he peppered Wooyoung's face with kisses, "I love you too, Wooyoungie," he said, "I love you like I've never loved anyone before."

And that was the moment that San felt the murky brown disappear completely, replaced by bright, sparkling white as Jung Wooyoung finally took over his entire heart, holding it in hands of gold.

He trusted those hands.

The hands that had guided him out of his darkness and into the light, into the beautiful side of the world, the side where he was loved and cared for and appreciated by Mingi, Jongho, Yunho, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and even Yeosang, all of whom had wormed their way into his heart and each carved a special place for themselves.

His whole heart, however, still only belonged to Jung Wooyoung.

Forever and always.

"I'm yours," he whispered, etching the words into his heart.

_I'm yours, Jung Wooyoung._

Wooyoung smiled through his tears as San gently kissed them from his face, heart blooming into a million bright flowers as the euphoria of San getting his life back overwhelmed him.

_I'm yours, Choi San._

Forever and always.

*****  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And ohmygosh were almost done, just gotta post the epilogue 🤭🤭🤭 I'm posting the epilogue of Baby don't like it on San's birthday, because how can we get a more special ending than that?
> 
> Okay uh I'm like so so so happy that this story has.... Gone to the top 20 of Woosan fics on ao3 by hits!!! OH my goddddd i screammm. I'm super thankful for all your lovely comments and kudos, I love you guys! 🤭🤭🤭🤭❤️❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Also here's a thanks to my lovely friends who have supported me throughout, I love you guys tooooo! 😘 U know who you are 😉
> 
> Leave comments and kudos, and let me know what you think of my story! 
> 
> Keep supporting ATEEZ, and give them lots of love! Saranghae! 
> 
> Edit: Oh shit I didn't mean to post this chapter, it was an accident, but now that I have and some of you guys have read it, I'm just going to leave it here until San's birthday, when I'll be posting the epilogue 🤦 sorryyyyyy if isn't great, hadn't edited fully yet, but I'm just going to leave it like this so yeah😬😬😬
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


	16. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I- oh my gosh I....I have no words wth. I'm just so, so happy that you guys have stayed with me this whole time, honestly writing this was the best thing ever and I'm so glad I listened to u peeps when y'all told me not to leave it as a oneshot. 
> 
> Uh...okay so this is the epilogue of Bdli, and I really really hope that you guys enjoy it🤭🤭☺️ 
> 
> Let me know what your thoughts are about my fic, and if anything disappointed you (I need advice lol) 😁 I appreciate criticism I don't get offended so feel free to pop off xD 
> 
> Annyways, here's the epilogue! 
> 
> (Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR BEST BOY CHOI "DEVIL" SAN I LOVE HIM) 
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️

  
Fate worked in strange ways.

San never belived that he, someone so broken that it was beyond repair, could ever have love in his life, especially the kind that he received from Jung Wooyoung.

The unconditional kind of love.

The kind of love that grew every second of every day, filling his whole being with happiness and a giddy sort of joy. The love that stayed even when they weren't physically together. The love that made one trust the other implicitly with absolutely no qualms, understanding that each other's happiness was always the priority. The kind of love that made San go breathless when he saw Wooyoung, the kind that made him flustered about simple actions like holding hands, the kind that made him feel things he didn't know he could feel for another person, and Wooyoung was the person who had given him all of that, and just by simply existing.

It was the 'forever' kind of love.

And now San was sure of it, sure that he wanted to be with Wooyoung for the rest of his life.

Their two years together had given him more than he could ever ask for, days filled with happy laughter and nights filled with uninhibited passion, something he'd always thought would be a far-fetched dream, as unlikely as the idea of something that was written in water persisting. But...he had it now, didn't he?

San finally had everything he had ever wanted and more, his years of torture and abuse merely a far away memory now, ancient history, and what he chose to focus on was the present.

The present, where Jung Wooyoung would love him with everything he had and San would love him back just as hard.

Being in love had changed him.

He had learnt that there were a thousand different ways to love a person, which had also led to the realisation that he loved Wooyoung in every single one of those ways, and he was completely wrapped around the younger's finger, heart out on his sleeve for Wooyoung to use as he liked. He had learnt that you didn't always need to be perfect to be loved, and sometimes the imperfections are what make you loveable. He had learnt that sex was so much more than just an act for momentary physical pleasure, that it was also an emotional connection between two people, more intimate than any other, and San could honestly say that Wooyoung was the best he'd ever had, because there was nothing like knowing that the love of your life received such pleasure, such bliss just because of you.

Sex with Wooyoung was never just just...sex. It was so much more than that, and every time with him was new, thrilling, and San never knew what to expect. They'd experimented a lot, of course, but San was still firm in his opinion that the best feeling ever was when he could see Wooyoung's beautiful face twisted in pleasure as he begged for San to make him feel good, and simply knowing that he was responsible for the younger being in such a pleasured state itself gave him a high like nothing else, only making him want to do better for his Wooyoung, so the younger would become aware of the fact that no one could love him like San did, and no one could make him feel as good as he could.

San, for one, was a hundred per cent sure that he would never have the feeling he had when he was with Wooyoung, with anybody else. Simply the feeling of being connected to him, so close, filling him up, could drive him over the edge, making feel things he didn't know he could feel.

Oh, and the past two years had improved Wooyoung's previously amateur technique, obviously, and now San was completely convinced that no one in the _world_ could give him an orgasm as intense as Wooyoung could, with his lips wrapped around San's dick.

San sighed, wondering what he should say to him, if any of the things he'd just thought would be appropriate, as he rolled the simple gold band meant for Wooyoung between his thumb and forefinger.

Yes, he was really doing that.

He was twenty seven years old and not getting any younger, and when he'd already found someone so perfect it felt too good to be true, why not just ask him to be with him forever? Officially?

God, if only it were as simple as that.

San had already approached Wooyoung's parents, them being the first ones he'd told about asking Wooyoung to marry him. He'd gone all the way to Ilsan just to ask for their blessing. They were both thrilled, of course, if the tight hug Wooyoung's mom had enveloped in was anything to go by, and his dad was less...enthusiastic, although the happy smile on his face as he placed a hand on San's shoulder and wished him luck spoke for itself.

Next he'd gone to Yunho, Mingi, Jongho, Yeosang, Seonghwa and Hongjoong, calling them all together to Yeosang's place before telling them of his plans to propose to Wooyoung on his twenty seventh birthday.

Excited squeals had echoed across the room when San finally spilled his news, pulling out a velvet box from his pocket and opening it to reveal the plain gold band with a single engraved stripe through the centre, the ring he'd picked out after hours of browsing through jewelry shops.

His new job paid him well, and moving in with Wooyoung had been a natural step after a few months of their relationship, which is why getting the rest of them together at once had been a particularly hard feat, but San managed it anyway, choosing a day when he knew his boyfriend would be working without Yunho, so that the latter could also be part of the meeting he'd called for.

He could've sworn he saw Hongjoong cry a little, ecstatic that one his best friends was getting engaged right after him, as he fingered the band on his own finger.

The rest of the guys had had similar, overly emotional reactions, as all of them except Mingi had been close with Wooyoung for a long time, and seeing San approach them for their blessing before proposing, made them all feel extremely overwhelmed and happy for the couple, and San was smothered by several, tear-filled hugs that day. (He'd come home smelling like Seonghwa and Wooyoung had stared suspiciously at him when he claimed they'd just gone out for a meal together, but he didn't ask anymore questions, thankfully).

And since then, Wooyoung's birthday was fast approaching, only a week more to go, and San realised that he hadn't really made any proper plans, apart from buying the ring and settling on a date to pop the question. He didn't know how or where he would do it, or what he would say to him during.

And he might be overthinking just a little, but he was terrified too. Terrified that maybe it was too soon for Wooyoung, maybe he wasn't ready for that commitment yet? But then San reminded himself why he was doing this in the first place. It wasn't to get validation from Wooyoung that he indeed loved him, no, that fact San was well aware of. It was because _he_ had fallen helplessly in love with Jung Wooyoung, and he wanted to secure that love by officially binding them together forever, celebrate their love by declaring it permanent.

He was both excited and nervous at the same time, sort of like the feeling he got when he was asked to sing in front of an audience- something he was quite used to now, as he'd been promoted to a vocal trainer for debuting groups- but a much more pronounced version of that nervousness, heart skipping a beat everytime his eyes raked over the drawer he kept the ring in and he remembered what he planned to do.

The sound of a door opening alerted him, "Sannie, I'm home!" He heard, and he scrambled to put the ring away in its box, shoving it to the back of his drawer of valuables where it was kept before, sitting naturally on the bed just in time for Wooyoung to walk in, greeting him with a kiss on the lips.

"Hey, how was work?" San asked, noting the slight future of Wooyoung's brow, signalling that he was upset about something.

"Work was great, I just kind of overdid it today and my back hurts," Wooyoung pouted cutely, sitting on the bed as he slipped off his hoodie with a groan, "Am I getting old?"

San kissed the pout away, chuckling when Wooyoung automatically chased his lips as he pulled away, "You're not getting old," he paused, "Come here," he called, patting the spot in front of him and inviting Wooyoung to sit, "I'll take care of you."

Wooyoung grinned, "Thanks, Sannie, you're the best," he said as he turned around so that his back was facing San, shifting a little to sit in front of him.

San leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss on Wooyoung's nape before placing his hands on either side of his shoulders, starting to knead out the tension, "Good?" He asked when Wooyoung leaned into the touch, eyes closed.

"Yeah," Wooyoung breathed, "That's great."

San smiled, pressing his palms down a little harder as Wooyoung moaned at the feeling and melted at his boyfriend's ministrations, praising his magic hands as the tension from his shoulders dissipated slowly, but surely.

San shifted a little, hands moving down to tug on the edge of Wooyoung's worn t shirt, the younger gladly lifting his arms to have it pulled off of his frame. San ran a hand down Wooyoung's exposed side, the younger shivering at the contact, and pushed him a little to lie with his front on the bed, back facing the ceiling as he rested his chin on folded arms.

San placed his hands on the top of Wooyoung's bare back and began to work the knots out, as gently as possible. The older smiled when Wooyoung began to doze off at his comforting touches, and continued his ministrations as he fell into a deep sleep, cheek resting on his arms as he drifted off with his mouth half open, showing off the tiny mole on his bottom lip.

San took a deep breath.

Soon, this man would be his forever. Hopefully.

One week.

***** 

San had insisted on no one else being present while he proposed to Wooyoung, much to their friends' indignation, but they had finally relented when San had begged them a couple more times. 

There were three days left for Wooyoung's birthday, and San made it a point to remind him of it every time he saw him, and Wooyoung, well...as most things, the younger just found San's insistence that that the "special birthday boy deserved special attention", to be endearingly cute.

Oh, and of course, San took advantage of the fact that a 'special day' was arriving, to bend Wooyoung over every surface in their place and have his way with him every time they were left alone, his only excuse being that Wooyoung deserved the attention, what with his birthday being close and all.

What Wooyoung was unaware of, was that San's clinginess was not brought about only by his birthday, but also his own nervousness regarding the very elaborate plan that had bloomed with Yeosang, Yunho and Seonghwa's help.

'No pictures', took a while for Seonghwa to come to terms with, as he believed that such an important moment couldn't _not_ be captured on camera, but San stood his ground, and the others finally relented, saying that he should do whatever Wooyoung would want him to.

Yunho had offered to decorate his rooftop with the help of Jongho and Mingi so San could take Wooyoung there at night under the guise of 'watching the stars' like they'd done together so many times before. Yunho had also managed to convince the rest of the residents in the building not to trespass that day, because of what they'd planned.

San would recite the elaborate speech he'd prepared, about Wooyoung being his forever and always, blah blah blah, and then he'd pop the question. After that....well, after that he would just do whatever, depending on what the outcome was.

Thinking about it only made him more nervous, so he decided to just live in the moment and take it as it comes, and if what came was Wooyoung saying he wasn't ready for a 'forever' with San, then, well...San would do his best so that Wooyoung could get there someday.

He grabbed a bowl from the shelf and the box of cereal next to it, pouring himself some before realising that they were out of milk.

_Meh._

He left the bowl of cereal on the counter with a plate on top to cover it, and walked out of the kitchen and to the bedroom where Wooyoung was buttoning his jeans and sliding the zipper up, having just stepped out of the bathroom fully dressed.

He would just take it as it comes.

There was no other way of doing this.

*****

It felt like San had barely blinked, and suddenly, it was D-Day.

Wooyoung's phone ringing loudly reminded him of the time, and the younger scrambled to answer it, grinning widely when the date displayed '26th November'.

San moved closer to Wooyoung in their bed as the younger answered the video call with a grin on his face. They'd stayed awake just so that San could wish Wooyoung first, and it seemed that Yeosang had beat him to it, "Happy birthday Wooyoungie!! Oh, hey San," he added when he saw the latter poke his face into the screen, waving, "Okay I won rock, paper, scissors, so I got the chance to call first, but Seonghwa hyung is next and he said he'd call at exactly 12.01, so I'm going to leave you to that now," he said, barely waiting until Wooyoung managed to stutter out a "thank you" before hanging up the call.

Promptly, the phone rang again, and this time, sure enough, it was Seonghwa and Hongjoong, who also seemed to be in bed, waving brightly while wishing Wooyoung a very happy birthday. Next was Yunho, who grumbled about losing at rock, paper, scissors, but he didn't let it dampen his mood even the slightest, loudly singing a very out-of-tune "happy birthday" with Jongho and Mingi joining in.

Once all the calls were over, ending with Wooyoung's parents calling and his mom making a very cryptic comment about being happy that Wooyoung had found someone like San and that he should always be good to him, San finally got some 'Wooyoung time' to himself.

He rolled over a little, caging the younger in his arms as he peppered his face with kisses, "Happy birthday, love," he whispered, and Wooyoung giggled at the cute gesture. San stopped to stare lovingly into his eyes, before leaning down to press one last kiss on the mole under Wooyoung's eye, "I don't think I'd ever ever found beauty spots to be sexy, until I met you," he said.

Wooyoung shrieked out a laugh, "You're such a flirt, god!" His eyes spoke a different language, though, one that was inviting San closer, making him drown in the haze that Wooyoung created around them, "San?" Wooyoung asked quietly.

"Hm?"

"Make love to me," the way Wooyoung looked at him was so pure, so sincere, that San felt his heart beat faster at the words, accompanied by a rush in his pulse.

"Yeah," he breathed, bending down to press his lips to his lover's, moaning as the kiss got more heated.

Maybe pulling an all-nighter was worth it, if San got to say he spent the night pleasuring Wooyoung.

Normally, this wasn't a foreign occurence, and birthday sex was a pretty cliché concept, but they were all for it. But that day just seemed different to San, because he knew that this wasn't just a normal birthday. The gift he had for Wooyoung wasn't the normal kind of gift that he usually gave him for birthdays and anniversaries, something like a huge framed photo of the eight of them, or that one time he'd even agreed to bottom for Wooyoung on his birthday.

This gift was the gift of a lifetime. It was a promise of eternal love, a promise that they would be each other's, continue to be each other's, 'until death do us part'. Or at least that was what San was hoping.

He sighed, molding their lips together for the umpteenth time, the feeling still giving him butterflies in his stomach.

"I love you," he mumbled against Wooyoung's lips, voice low.

"I love you too," Wooyoung replied, lacing their fingers together on the bed, "So much."

_I'm never letting go of this._

*****

San shifted back and forth on the balls of his feet as he led Wooyoung upstairs, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the party so that they could 'get away for a while', as he'd said.

Wooyoung trailed along happily, never one to miss a few minutes of alone time with San, "So where exactly are we going?"

"I thought we could go to the rooftop, you know, to watch the stars like we do," San smiled at him, "Thought it'd be a nice birthday gift for us to do what we love doing together."

Wooyoung giggled, "You're so cheesy, but I love you for it," he held tighter onto San's hand, squeezing it as they neared the roof.

San didn't reply, he couldn't, when he saw the light ahead of them, meaning that they were at their destination. He took a deep breath, pushing the door open to pull Wooyoung with him out into the fresh air.

_...wow._

Even San couldn't hold back his tiny gasp when he saw the pretty fairy lights ringed all around the open terrace, illuminating the night in beautiful shades of pink, much like the color Wooyoung's face became after an intense round of lovemaking.

Speaking of Wooyoung, he turned around to see that the younger had frozen in place, jaw hanging open as he took in the sight around him, eyes fixed on the "Happy birthday, Wooyoung," spelled out in pebbles on the ground.

He didn't say a word, and San didn't know what to make of the shocked silence for a few moments, and then Wooyoung was turning to face him, "You- you did this for me?" He asked, stupefied.

His pretty brown eyes glinted in the lights, face shaded a soft pink, the same shade as his pretty lips, hands clasped together as he took in sight around him, and San was absolutely struck by his beauty.

"We all did," he answered, still staring at Wooyoung in a hushed sort of awe, "Everyone helped."

Wooyoung looked him in the eyes, smile slowly spreading across his face as he inched closer to grab San by his hands, pulling him in until the were chest to chest, "I don't deserve you," he stated, and San wanted to argue, wanted to say that no, Wooyoung _didn't_ deserve him because he deserved even better, but somehow it was like his vocal chords weren't really working, struck dumb by the fantasy-like atmosphere enveloping the two of them.

Yunho really had done a great job.

He stayed quiet as Wooyoung moved his hands to rest gently on San's waist and guided San's hands to his own shoulders, "Dance with me," he said, voice barely exceeding a whisper.

San couldn't help it when his hands held on tighter, swaying along with Wooyoung to the rhythm of their heartbeats, both of them leaning forward to join their foreheads together and close their eyes.

This was all wrong. He wasn't supposed to be dancing with Wooyoung now, sharing the same air as they breathed in each other. He wasn't supposed to be losing himself in how sweet Wooyoung smelt and how right his hands felt on his waist. He wasn't supposed to be leaning closer to brush their lips together in between irregular steps on the rough concrete.

He had something that had to be done first.

But why was it that now that he was actually there, in the moment, that he somehow just wanted to forget it all? Somehow, he wanted not to think about the plan, what he had to say, the monologue he'd taken the time to write, all those hours he'd spent mulling over what sort of ring would suit Wooyoung best, stealing his rings to find the right size, making love to him in the wee hours of the morning while thinking about this very moment. Somehow, at that moment, he wanted to just forget it all and let himself fall in love all over again, with the amazing person in front of him.

And then Wooyoung opened his eyes, pulling San in for a bone-crushing hug. San feels like he might have said something, whispered it into the folds of his shirt, but he couldn't quite register it then.

The ring box felt heavy in his pocket, reminding him of its presence whenever he so much as moved, and then he knew it was time.

So he pulled Wooyoung into one last soft kiss, letting all the words he had wanted to say drift away in the wind, instead just choosing to utter the words that meant the most, the only thing that mattered in his world, "I love you," he whispered, and Wooyoung snuggled into his neck, arms tight around his waist.

They'd stopped their swaying, San realised. He didn't know when, but suddenly he was aware that his feet had stopped moving, and his breath was slowing down and his heart wasn't racing as much anymore, completely content.

And then he dropped to his left knee.

He wasn't scared anymore, not when his right hand slipped into his pocket and took out the box, not when he registered Wooyoung's choked sob above him when he realised what was going on, not even when he raised his head, lifting the box with shaky hands as he flipped it open to reveal the ring inside, "Jung Wooyoung," he said, voice thick due to the tears that had sprung to his own eyes, "Will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"

Wooyoung's hands were clasped over this mouth, tears of joy and disbelief and utter shock leaking down his cheeks as he looked at the man kneeling in front of him, with no pride, no ego, and just hope shining in his teary eyes as he looked up at Wooyoung. 

Wooyoung sniffed once, twice, and then his mouth was forming the words, the whole universe nothing but a blur around the two of them as Wooyoung answered with red cheeks and smudged eyeliner and a smile on his blotchy face.

"Yes."

And then San couldn't hold back his tears either, completely letting go as he smiled, the dimples that Wooyoung loved so much appearing on his face as he managed to stand somehow, pocketing the box as he took the ring out from inside it and gently took Wooyoung's left hand, sliding it on perfectly. Where it belonged.

Their lips met in a kiss that could be described as nothing but _fireworks_ , and San was crying and Wooyoung was crying but they were both laughing too and it was just a mess.

"San, you know something?" Wooyoung breathed in between kisses.

"Yeah?"

"You were my first time, and now you're going to be my last as well," his voice cracked on the last word, sending him into a new frenzy of tears and giggles, a helpless combination of the two as he tried to calm his crazy heart, "My first and last," he repeated giddily.

San vaguely remembered that very statement being a part of the speech he was going to say to Wooyoung, and it only made him want to kiss him again, so he did.

Just because he could.

Anytime. Of any day.

Because now, they would have their forever.

He had never noticed the clouds gathering above them, but when the rain fell, drenching them both and making it impossible to distinguish between the tears and the rainwater on their faces, it was perfect. Even when San's vision was blurred and Wooyoung went in and out of focus, even when Wooyoung stumbled over his feet as they kissed in the pouring rain, even when Wooyoung choked out a sound into his mouth, everything around them surreal and blurred, it was still perfect. Like it was meant to be.

 _Fate works in strange ways,_ San thought as he laced his fingers together with Wooyoung's, the smooth feeling of the gold ring on the younger's left hand a welcome one, _but it seems like every single one of them was meant to end with us._

_My forever, Jung Wooyoung._  
  


Love,

Your forever, Choi San.

*****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omgomgomgomg it's overrrrrrrrrrrrr😵😵 I'm both happy and sad at the same time it's- gah- I dont knowwww but it feels great. 
> 
> Okay so let me thank all of you guys one last time before I finish this off, so THANK YOU SO MUCH MY LOVELIES YALL DESERVE THE WORLD❤️❤️ 
> 
> You guys' comments are the best, so leave me some more down below to cheer me up when I'm sad 😉😉 Or even if u hv some advice for me I welcome u to say so ☺️ 
> 
> What was your favourite part of the story? 🤔 Mine was probably the whole of chapter 8😋
> 
> Thank you guys, I love you and stay safe! 😁 Let's all get through this together!
> 
> Love,  
> R❤️


End file.
